For being furious with DH because DD hurt herself whilst he was on his bloody blackberry

but do you think he doesn't realise that? I think he's just had the fright of his life.

if I clocked up all the accidents that happened when I took my eye off mine, I'm sure I'd have been sacked as a mother a long time ago

But fox! This was a really serious accident caused by him not even looking at DD and getting completely immersed in something else, when he was supposed to be in charge of her. It wasn't a little scrape or an everyday knock. It was negligence of the type that would have any nanny or nursery worker fired.

I agree apportioning blame for every accident is daft, but if this was my DP I'd definitley blame him for being so stupid and not looking after our child properly. And there is no "blame culture" in our house.

If i saw my dd standing up in a pram i would have told dd1 to stay in the toliet and i would have ran across the playfround in the hope of getting there before it happened. But that's just me...i am not judging.

I think some of your anger with dh is justified but he cannot take all the blame.

I would phone the inlaws and just report how dd2 is doing ( and take opportunity to tell whole story)

I would also insist that the stupid blackberry is switched off whilst dh is with dd's. 14hrs a day is wok enouh for anyone.

oh for crying out loud, no-one is blaming you. They are just pointing out how ridiculous it is to apportion blame for these sort of things.

If I had to apologise to dh (or 'hold my hands up') when the children hurt themselves in my care, I'd be bloody outraged, I really would.

It was an ACCIDENT. He did not mean her to come to any harm. And that's all there is to it.

It is VERY easy when you do not spend every day with your children to FORGET to do the things that come as second nature to you and to not be able to 'perceive' the dangers like we can do.

I'm not excusing him taking his eye off her and he does sound a bit of a doofus but he's their father, your husband, presumably the man you love and I think you are giving him a hell of a hard time for making a mistake. You really are.

ooh, but look, you used the word 'erudite'

Ah, ok (confused as to how our fluffy bunny is notthewabbit)

I think that's the point, we all make mistakes at times and some children seem more prone to accidents than others. Men are always defensive when they're at fault it's their nature!
He probably feels worse about it than you realise and maybe you do too for not strapping in, after all it does only takes a sec. Very frustrating these techno buff hubbies though and I do sympathise x

Yabba, I'm totally with you and don't agree you were partly to blame. If DP handed DS over to me while he went to the toilet, it would be my responsibility from the moment I had him - to strap him into his buggy, or else watch him closely, etc. I think your DH has behaved outrageously - not just in being neglectful, but like you say in refusing to carry the can and eat humble pie.

My DP can get a bit like this with the technology (he doesn't have a blackberry but something similar) and to be honest I just go on and on at him about how he must be careful, not let DS out of his sight etc etc, not be distracted by texts and emails etc, put it away and focus on DS. I do worry about when they're out together but I think I've hammered it home. It just is not acceptable.

Ask DH this. How about if you had a nanny to look after your child and s/he let them fall on their head, or run into the road, or get lost, because they turned their back and pleased themselves - playing on a nintendo, maybe doing their make-up or chatting to a friend? Would you consider them to be not up to the job? Of course. He needs to realise childcare is a serious task, not something going on in the background - and he needs to realise how very serious the consequences could be if he carries on like this.

I would also tell him you want a deal with him - if he is in charge of children, that means blackberry off, as it is obviously dangerous.

I don't think it is just about frequency of accidents either. Children do have scrapes and bumps, of course they do. But what gets me here is that it was avoidable. If you're doing your best and being vigilant and caring, yes there will still be knocks. But when you could be watching and you can't be arsed, and then there's an accident - that's your fault.

He is to blame here and YANBU.

I wasn't saying she should have told him to strap her in, just that I would have had to tell my dh, who does have to be told the simplest thing

Of course I've done the same (and many more things which with hindsight were stupid) but I've not then laid full blame onto someone else. As for advising him of the danger, you told him she shouldn't stand up. He could (and it sounds likely given his general abilities ) assumed that you'd strapped in so therefore couldn't stand up.

He's not a child, so he shouldn't be spoken to like one, yet the OP is supposed to tell him the simplest things or she's to blame?

FFS

But that's a chicken and egg thing isn't it soupdragon? We drove off with my DS#2 not strapped into his car seat the other day. DH had put him in there and then got into the drivers seat. I got into the back next to him and didn't notice. Who's fault was that? Both of us I'd say. His for not doing it, mine for not checking.

I would have had to tell my dh to strap her in if I was racing off. He wouldn't think of it himself

ok, just wondered if she had climbed in herself.

Well then, you were also negligent and partly to blame for not strapping her in.

I understand where you are coming from but I really do think that coming down on him like a tonne of bricks and analysing his parenting with a fine tooth comb will only make things worse. You'll get him to the 'I can never do it as well as you can, therefore I'll give up trying' stage which is not what you want.

What job does he do that he needs his phone on all the time? Does he work at weekends?