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Original poster

For being furious with DH because DD hurt herself whilst he was on his bloody blackberry

88 replies

Yabbadabbadooo · 19/06/2007 22:58

Today DH and I were out at a school event. Whilst we were there DD1 needed the loo and so I took her leaving DH with DD2. Whilst DD1 was being a typical toddler and mucking around in the loos I caught sight of him on the other side of the playground totally engrossed with this blackberry, despite the fact he'd taken the morning off work. DD2 was in the pram, straps not on and she was standing up in it. I couldn't yell to DH to get her to sit down because a) I was inside and b) there were 50 small children country dancing in the playground between us and he wouldn't have heard me unless I shrieked.

Anyway, DD1 finally finishes farting around in the loo and I come out of the block I"m in to see him cradling a clearly very distraught DD2. Parents around him are giving him wet towels and he's tending to her head. So, it's clear to me that she's fallen headlong out of the pushchair, onto concrete.

I told him at the time I was angry but as I had hear to deal with I focused on her more than him and he played the incident down somewhat. He then went back to work and I spent the afternoon with a very grumpy baby. When he came back he was very concerned about her and told me that the fall was actually so bad that he heard her head hit the concrete. So, after playing it down it seems it was more of a heavy fall than he'd originally said.

So, I'm totally effing furious with him for this. This is the third time she's hurt herself on his watch (similar no. of injuries on my watch but I'ma SAHM so I'm there more often IYKWIM). She's a rough and tumble little kid and needs watching like a hawk and after a previous incident we had words about how he needs to be more vigilant. Now, I know accidents happen and blame is not appropriate but I can't help but be so frigging furious that he allowed her to hurt herself in that way when she was literally right next to him, just becuse he's so addicted to that sodding blackberry.

Also it turned out he didn't even know what were the signs of concussion - he kept telling me to let her sleep.

I am so fed up with him tonight that I said I thought he was negligent and that unless he was more vigilant of the kids then I couldn't feel happy with him looking after them on his own. I suspect that was below the belt. Was it? Did he deserve a lecture?

OP posts:
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foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 14:45

I heard on the radio the other day that there is actually therapy now (honestly!) for people who feel they have the need to be constantly connected to work. People who cannot turn their blackberries off, at night, on the weekend etc.. It's now a recognised addiction!

foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 14:43

blackberries are a PITA for those who find it hard to switch off from work. For others, they are quite a useful tool!

Luckily, dh has refused one from the office because he knows the temptation to check his email all the time would just be too much for him!

foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 14:42

x-posted with you there oblomov but that's what I was wondering

Kewcumber · 20/06/2007 14:41

Blackberries are spawn of the devil and should not be given to anyone who thinks they are important enough to need one.

What did all these offices do before blackberries and mobile phones during sports days? Did the whole of british industry come to a halt?

foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 14:40

we did without stairgates in the end. Both of us would forget to close them, we'd all end up tripping over them so we got rid of them and had to teach the children to be careful of steep stairs. One of mine was a great climber and used to scale up them and over anyway!

I do completely sympathise with yabba but tbh, both dh and I are very head in the clouds type parents but it doesn't mean we are lesser parents.

I would hope that as he calms down, he will come to the realisation that he should have been keeping a better eye on her and perhaps this will be the fright that jolts him.

Is he a bit of a workaholic?

Oblomov · 20/06/2007 14:35

Does he take his blackberry on holiday. Is the man married to his job more than to his family ?
Aren't these the real issues here ?

OrmIrian · 20/06/2007 14:33

My Dh crosses his fingers and mutters countercurses when he is forced to approach anything electronic. Perhaps I'm lucky then.....

moodlumthehoodlum · 20/06/2007 14:28

Yabba - can I join your band of crackberry hating mothers? ALL THE TIME, and if its not the crackberry its the blardy imacbook thing.

Grr. Glad your dd is better tho'

bozza · 20/06/2007 14:21

leaving the stair gate open might not be the crime of the century but it did see DD and me spending a night on the children's ward. But it was 4yo DS that left it open so we were more forgiving.

foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 14:20

yes, I'd be sad about dd too. Sounds like it was very nasty and always worse when you know it could have been prevented.

I'm just trying to think how you both can move on from here so that you feel he can take charge of the children.

Do you think he doesn't realise what a live wire dd2 can be?

Original poster
Yabbadabbadooo · 20/06/2007 14:11

I don't think you're getting at me. 'Tis the stuff of healthy debate and helps me see his posible viewpoint. I'm made of sterner stuff!

OP posts:
Original poster
Yabbadabbadooo · 20/06/2007 14:10

Maybe, but I'm not sure how he thinks I can step in if I"m not physically there, so he has to learn to step up to the mark and make their safety paramount doesn't he. Now, despite being told repeatedly this is the case then why hasn't he?

It may be that this may have finally taught him that lesson but I'm very sad and angry that little dd had to be the one to get hurt in the process (again)

Got to go and do something useful around the house.

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foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 14:07

I don't want you to think I'm getting at you, because I'm not and I do sympathise but I can see things from his perspective.

Tbh, what it sounds like to me is that he has got totally used to you doing everything and you keeping an eye on them. You've clocked that he's not good at perceiving the dangers, therefore you've stepped in, he's realised you are going to step in and he's, therefore, taken his eye off the ball even more. Do you see what I mean?

Original poster
Yabbadabbadooo · 20/06/2007 14:05

OK fair point. I expect he might well feel that and I agree it's too harsh.

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Original poster
Yabbadabbadooo · 20/06/2007 14:03

I'd gone for a walk with DD1 to our corner shop and came back to find him mowing. I instandly asked where she was and immediately began to look for her. Found her in the wood screaming her head off with holly leaves stuck to her hands.

DD2 too young to talk. Only 15 mo.

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foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 14:01

yes, but I bet that's what he feels. Because that's what it would sound like to me if my partner said that to me.

foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 14:00

did dd2 tell you about the mower incident?

Original poster
Yabbadabbadooo · 20/06/2007 14:00

Woahh there Fox. I simply said I wouldn't feel happy with him looking after the kids if he didn't be more vigilant. I haven't banned him from seeing them. Two very differnt concepts and let's keep to what I said.

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foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 13:58

he's not the perfect parent. Burn him at the stake!

It's a couple of incidents. He's fucked up. Making him bow down and apologise and have him threatened with never looking after the kids again is hardly the way to move on.

Original poster
Yabbadabbadooo · 20/06/2007 13:57

Fox - they would if she had hurt herself because of them. I think he has the same approach as you - nothing happened so no harm done, but he's not learning about the possibility that something could happen if that situation arises again.

FWIW, yes I do think he had a fright.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 20/06/2007 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxinsocks · 20/06/2007 13:53

many times before? leaving a stair gate open, letting them 'slip' in the bath. Hardly crimes of the century, are they!

Yabba said 'When he came back he was very concerned about her and told me that the fall was actually so bad that he heard her head hit the concrete' - that does not sound like he's not realised what happened. In fact, it sounds like he played it down because he felt so bloody awful.

Oblomov · 20/06/2007 13:47

Foxinsocks - are you sure he has had a fright ? I think he is a man whose priorites are elsewhere, who is in denial and can not accept what he has done ( ostrich tendancies = so many men) and has done this many times before.

I agree with peope who say that there are a number of issues that need to be addressed here - its not the actual 'accident' today that is the problem - it is his actual attitude.

Blu · 20/06/2007 13:47

I am a very 'accidents happen' type of person, but in circumstances where i had explicitly said 'no standoing' etc, and then seen her standing up and DH engrossed in blackberry, i would be mad. And expect DH to acknowledge that he had *d up. But it would be contained within the instance - I wouldn't then define him as a crap parent and threten to not let him look after the kids. Hopefully he has learned his lesson! He sounds as if he was pretty shaken up by it, ..it might be best to leave him at the mercy of his own conscince rather than harangue him.

Singapore · 20/06/2007 13:46

Me too foxinsock, I think the more he refuses to acknowledge this accident, just proves what a shock he got and how awful he feels about it. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment! He must be feeling like crap

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