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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect an full invitation to a family wedding, not just an evening one?

37 replies

tinytotmummy · 19/06/2007 13:53

Long story but will try to cut as much as poss. Dh's cousin split with her husband nearly four years ago and there was some annomosity between us all as for a while we sided with him for various reasons. However, Dh has tried really hard over the past 18 months to try and put things right and had assumed all this had blown over. Bit shocked when today received an evening invitation for her wedding just for us (no mention of children), especially as Dh's older daughter is being her bridesmaid and being escorted by her boyfriend. Feel upset more than angry and don't know whether to graciously accept or not go. TIA

OP posts:
kslatts · 19/06/2007 14:17

I think YABU, it's their day and their choice.

Original poster
tinytotmummy · 19/06/2007 14:13

Soupy - you are quite right.

Tbh, I wasn't expecting anything and it's not a major issue for me,(quite happy to show my face for an hour in the evening!) but has become so for Dh as his daughter is involved.

OP posts:
newkid · 19/06/2007 14:12

Not really in this case.

Got evening invite to cousin's wedding a while ago and even though we had invited said cousin to ours I wasn't too bothered.

However, my mum was said cousin's godmother, travelled thousands of miles to go to the wedding and still only got invited to the evening do, which I thought was really out of order... and so did many others. She was uncharacteristically p*ed off but she rose above it, had a great time etc.

ghosty · 19/06/2007 14:10

Yes, you are being unreasonable IMO. I 15 first cousins. They are all married and have at least 2 children. If I had invited all of them to our wedding that would have made 60 people and no room for DH's family or our friends.
I can't stand it when people get arsey about wedding invitations, expecting invitations to anything is a bit rude tbh.
If it were a brother or sister or parent then yes, maybe. But we were invited to DH's dad's wedding very begrudgingly and I wish they hadn't bothered.

Original poster
tinytotmummy · 19/06/2007 14:04

UnquietDad - - you are right, I should be relieved!

KTP - that's exactly what I've been trying to tell myself this afternoon. Just find it strange as DSD is bridesmaid that she wouldn't invite dh at least. The only other family members that are going from this side are dh's mum and dad.

MM - not really sure how many are going to the whole thing.

OP posts:
themoon66 · 19/06/2007 14:03

If you do what Titchy says and go to the ceremony, what are you going to say when people invariably ask 'have you got a lift to reception' or 'can you take so and so in your car to reception' or even just 'see you at reception'? Are you going to say... 'oh, we are not invited to that bit'!

All very difficult.

SoupDragon · 19/06/2007 14:02

So, you sided with her ex husband in the breakup and expect a full invitation to her 2nd wedding??? Personally, I think you're a little unreasonable to have expected a full invite TBH!

WanderingTrolley · 19/06/2007 14:00

Their wedding, their budget, their choice, imo.

titchy · 19/06/2007 13:59

If it was a cousins wedding and dh'dd wasn't a bridesmaid I'd say YABU - but then I dont count cousins as close family, and give the circumstances of the split or rather the repurcussions I wouldn't expect to get an invite to the whole day, even if things seem to have blown over.

However it does seem very mean that dh can't attend to see his dd as a bridemaid, even if she is an adult.

I'd graciously accept, but ask if you could attend the ceremony to witness dh's dd (presumably your sd?) being bridesmaid, not go to the wedding breakfast (go for a really slap up meal by yourselves!) then turn up for the evening do.

As for whether your children should be invited also that's a whole other thread! My view is that kids should be invited, but plenty of couples specify a child-free wedding.

KTeePee · 19/06/2007 13:56

YABU if it is just a cousin - and presumably she is having a fairly small affair as it is her 2nd marriage anyway....

MerryMarigold · 19/06/2007 13:56

It may have been an accident, people send the wrong ones sometimes. I would ask your dh's daughter to query it as she is obviously close to this lady. I do think it's odd that dh won't get to see his daughter 'walk up the aisle' even if it is just as a bridesmaid. Also, do you know who/ how many are invited to the afternoon bit of the wedding?

UnquietDad · 19/06/2007 13:54

If it was me I'd say "thank god we've only got to go to the evening."