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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove my coil and not tell dh?

162 replies

tinatantrum · 18/06/2007 23:08

it came out today and I've not said a word!

OP posts:
jules99 · 19/06/2007 00:20

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ShinyNewShoes · 19/06/2007 00:19

Jules - I've been through first infertility then mc. Good luck to you and your DP - IME it's when everything looks grey and gloomy that the nice surprises occur.

Tina - no offence, but somehow your MNet name doesn't help with your predicament. Sorry that you're in such a difficult place; you clearly do love your DH a huge amount so I think really really try to keep the respect thing going, otherwise things could backfire soooo badly.

jules99 · 19/06/2007 00:18

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jules99 · 19/06/2007 00:17

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AbRoller · 19/06/2007 00:16

jules, I feel so horrid I could cry.

I had never heard that before.

I'm so sorry. I hope everything works out for you and dp.

talcy0 · 19/06/2007 00:14

You pg now jules?

jules99 · 19/06/2007 00:13

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purpleduck · 19/06/2007 00:11

tina, how old is your son? Just because he didn't sleep well does not mean any future babies wouldn't sleep well. Also as they get older and their personality developes more, (imo) the sleep issue matters less. What would you do if you did get pg, and your dh flat out doesn't want it - ie wants you to abort it (don't know what his feelings are about that) or is so hurt by you being so deceitful that he leaves? Maybe he will come around, but let him do that in his own time. eek! Don't trick him!!! Good Luck

AbRoller · 19/06/2007 00:09

oh I'm very sorry, I've never heard that term before.

I know you don't know me jules but I would never deliberately say something so hurtful. I do hope you forgive my ignorance and last post.

Very sorry

ShinyNewShoes · 19/06/2007 00:06

AbR, a pregnancy that 'sticks' is a baby carried to term - phrase often used by people who have had sad misc experiences

AbRoller · 19/06/2007 00:00

jules, forgive me but did I read your last post incorrectly - you are trying to grow one that 'sticks'

What's that?

I have images

talcy0 · 18/06/2007 23:59

Jules...you make me realise how lucky i have been.
I wish you all the best luck in the world.x

jules99 · 18/06/2007 23:56

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ShinyNewShoes · 18/06/2007 23:54

Agree with lemonaid that it would be fine to make contraception his responsibility now.

AbRoller · 18/06/2007 23:50

But if he doesn't want one as much as you do want one then what you are considering is equivalent(sp?) to him saying 'ok' but having the snip unbeknown to you and making a fool of you

I really think to 'trap' him would be unfair, sorry.

talcy0 · 18/06/2007 23:49

Was awful and there was a lot of anger and resentment......had to focus on dds.

lemonaid · 18/06/2007 23:49

Not telling him, you are being unreasonable.

Reasonable to tell him that as you want another and he doesn't, birth control will now be his responsibility (well, spinning it out more than that and making it more of a discussion, but with that as the basic message). If it's him who doesn't want a second DC I don't think it's your responsibility to put up with the side-effects of contraception.

talcy0 · 18/06/2007 23:47

tis very sad....it helps to refocus for a while....like AbRoller suggested....give it 6 months. Perhaps dh will think differently then?

Original poster
tinatantrum · 18/06/2007 23:44

I don't think I can accept and be content. I too have thought about new partner but It's not an option I love dh.

OP posts:
talcy0 · 18/06/2007 23:42

Had my two daughters very close together.
4 years on was desperate for another (guess i wanted a boy)

He said NO

I spent 3 years begging/trying to compromise

He said No

Spen more time considering my options...leaving...new partner...etc

Came down to me making choices last year....

Chose to accept his wishes....to be content.......maybe one day he'll suprise me???
was very hard to accept...especially when driven by hormones!!!!

agnesnitt · 18/06/2007 23:39

You are being very unreasonable. To purposefully get pregnant through deceit to get your own way is a very immature and indefensible way of getting 'round an argument.

Your partner has a right to know that you are no longer protected, just as he has a right to not want any more children. Just because you disagree with him doesn't mean you have a right to make the decision without him. Behave like an adult and have the conversation you need to have without waterworks if you can manage it.

To be quite frank you sound very spoilt and selfish.

Agnes

AbRoller · 18/06/2007 23:38

Oh Tina, don't do that. Tell him.
I have longed for another baby for over a year but dp not ready. I could have done what you are considering but I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt having deceived him.

It's not easy but being dishonest to that degree is cruel. I was advised by some lovely Mners to give it time and see how the land lies a little later, 6months or a year - I'd offer you that same advice.

Hope things work out for all of you.

ShinyNewShoes · 18/06/2007 23:37

But presumably your DH wants a wife who loves him enough not to trick him into a baby he doesn't want? Sorry if that sounds judgemental, I do sympathise in that obviously it's impossible to compromise about another baby - they're not available in half-portions! - but I'm a bit at your attitude to it.

Original poster
tinatantrum · 18/06/2007 23:36

What did you do talcy

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Original poster
tinatantrum · 18/06/2007 23:36

God I wouldn't pretend it was an accident I would tell him what I have done and why.

OP posts:
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