To remove my coil and not tell dh?

lol @ minor slip up

i think you need to calm down a bit tina, not everyone is on your case, a lot have been supporting you

noone agrees with everyone, just remember you have now done the right thing, so there isnt really a problem anymore

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Soph73, what an unbelievably selfish git your SIL married. How he could remain silent on the matter when she was getting upset each month when not pregnant and undergoing all sorts of tests, is incredible and supposedly he loved her enough to want to marry her !

If there was a bstrd of the decade award he'd be my first nomination.

then if he is that sure he doesnt want another child, now it is his turn to take responsibility for contraception

Thanks Noodle - that´s why MN is so addictive

If it was the other way around then the woman would just go on the pill or protect herself accordingly.

I know a girl who se DP didn't want another one. She got pg on the sly and didn't tell him til the stick turned blue. He is still there with her and loves his son. It depends on the man and only tina can say whether it's worth risking him leaving.

If he doesn't protect himself now he knows then he should be prepared for the result.

He can, and I'm not saying he is being deceived in any way, but I think any child born of this is being short changed! He doesn't want another baby, who says he will change his mind when the baby GETS here?

in middle of serious conversation

Soph is right. You can't post on MN and expect everyone to be sympathetic and agree with you. You have people here with from walks of life and with views you would never dream existed - that's what makes it so lively. Some people are tactful, some forthright - just like in real life.

Equally, though, all forms of contraception apart from condoms have side-effects. So why should tina (who wants a baby) have to put herself through side-effects from taking measures to make sure she doesn't have one, when her DH (who's the one who doesn't) does nothing about it? If he doesn't want a baby that much he can do something about it and put a condom on rather than expecting tina to deal with the cramps and the bleeding.

Tina - I´d like to think I´m a nice person in RL and I have never posted something as harsh as this before, it´s just that I felt so strongly about it. I apologise if I upset you in any way. The thing is about MN that you have to accept that you´re not going to be surrounded all the time by lovely fluffy posts especially on a topic as emotive (for some people) as this one.

if she gets pg now then he was a willing and knowing participant, that is the diference

Gosh, I actually have a lot of empathy, just because it's going in the direction of your husband and not you doesn't mean I don't have any!

It's an underhanded way to get what you want, and I would never TRY to bring a child into a family where it's father didn't want it

yes, and it's all very fair and good, but HE has made it clear he doesn't want another baby, so if she gets pregnant, who knows what sort of problems that's going to cause? How can you expect someone to bond with a child they just don't want? How can you expect someone to stick around and raise a child they specifically decided against having?

Contraception is supposed to be a couple's responsibility. Nobody would be saying it's ok for a man to refuse to cooperate with condom or other contraceptives, because he wanted a baby, we'd all be squawking for the right of the woman to be backed up in her contraceptive choice.

Yes he now knows, and therefore it is fair, but no good will come of this, IMO

yes, and it's all very fair and good, but HE has made it clear he doesn't want another baby, so if she gets pregnant, who knows what sort of problems that's going to cause? How can you expect someone to bond with a child they just don't want? How can you expect someone to stick around and raise a child they specifically decided against having?

Contraception is supposed to be a couple's responsibility. Nobody would be saying it's ok for a man to refuse to cooperate with condom or other contraceptives, because he wanted a baby, we'd all be squawking for the right of the woman to be backed up in her contraceptive choice.

Yes he now knows, and therefore it is fair, but no good will come of this, IMO

I do hope he listens to you tina, and understands how much you would like another child. You did right in telling him
good luckx

Noodle & Fiofio - thanks. Fortunately she married a wonderful guy last week and is very happy now. It´s just unfortunate that the marriage will never be complimented by children.