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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove my coil and not tell dh?

162 replies

tinatantrum · 18/06/2007 23:08

it came out today and I've not said a word!

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 19/06/2007 09:59

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ekra · 19/06/2007 09:59

Tina - I am sorry you find yourself with this dilemma.

Could you try speaking to DH again and arm yourself with a list of positives to having another child? A friend of mine did this when her DH was adamant that he could not go through the baby stage again. She appealed for help in compiling the list and it ended up very long indeed. She managed to convince him.

Perhaps arm yourself with some answers to his negatives too.

lou33 · 19/06/2007 09:58

sorry but i did laugh at joining bounty

tho it has made me want choclate now

colditz · 19/06/2007 09:57

Differing opinions are not the same as cruelty, tina, but yes, I AM feeling a bit fucking cruel now, passive aggressive whining sometimes has that affect on me.

colditz · 19/06/2007 09:56

Oh for God's sake, piss off and join Bounty then. You posed a question. You can't filter answers.

I only gave an opinion. In my further opinion it is spoilt and brattish to shriek about cold hearted bitched just because their opinion doesn't coincide with what you want to do.

Shall I give you what you clearly want to hear?

"I am sure that even though he says he only ever wants one child, he won't be bitter and resentful at being the father of two, and I am sure that deliberately having a baby in the full knowledge that the other parent doesn't want it is a right and moral thing to do"

PARP

lou33 · 19/06/2007 09:55

lol fio

Pixiefish · 19/06/2007 09:55

Don't ask for opinions on something if you're not prepared for answers you don't like

FioFio · 19/06/2007 09:55

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Squeakybub · 19/06/2007 09:54

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lou33 · 19/06/2007 09:54

but tina, telling someone to fuck off isnt exactly respectful or nice either is it?

Original poster
tinatantrum · 19/06/2007 09:52

There is no point. I am on the wrong web site your right. I feel very sorry that a few of you are just so cruel, just because mn is about freedom of opinion and speech it does not mean that respect, empathy and boring old niceness should be ignored.

OP posts:
Pixiefish · 19/06/2007 09:51

Sorry but why ask for opinions and then- just becasue you don't like the ansers- you get upset and turn on the posters.

My opinion is that its unreasonable to 'trap' a man- also unfair on the child.

I was in a similar position in that my dh didn't want another child and I desperately did. We talked and talked and talked and in the end he realised how much it meant to me and changed his mind. Talking about it is the reasonable thing to do and if you can't accept his decision then you have to think of another avenue- ie do you love him enough to stay with him without a second child- only you can answer that.

I realise that you have told him now so the ball is in his court which is the correct thing to do.

How would you feel if he took away your right to decide on something- just because you don't agree with him he went and did it anyway- I know that I would go ballistic if my dh did that to me.

Squeakybub · 19/06/2007 09:49

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Soph73 · 19/06/2007 09:49

Tina - now that was just downright rude. It´s obviously time you walked away from the computer, put the kettle on and took some deep breaths before re-reading this thread and realising that lots of people are trying to support you.

BandofMothers · 19/06/2007 09:48
themildmanneredjanitor · 19/06/2007 09:48

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TranquilaManana · 19/06/2007 09:47

god, theres like 50 posts since i read and posted...! have to read now...

Soph73 · 19/06/2007 09:47

Me too, talcy, me too ....

Original poster
tinatantrum · 19/06/2007 09:46

You just proved my point mild mannered janitor.
You know what the minority of you that take pleasure in upsetting people can just FUCK OFF.

OP posts:
TranquilaManana · 19/06/2007 09:46

By giddy1 on Tue 19-Jun-07 08:44:20

"You are not happy to have a device inside your body that prevents you from conceiving a child that you long for.
Thats all you need to say.
The rest is up to him."

absolutely.
good luck.

talcy0 · 19/06/2007 09:46

i wanna minor slip up

Right, am off now....good luck tina
and everyone else in fact

Soph73 · 19/06/2007 09:44

Oh Tina if it´s upsetting you that much then maybe you should stop reading the posts. There is loads of support out there for you and you shouldn´t solely be concentrating on the negative ones. Not everyone will agree with you and you should be grown up enough to accept that. I feel for you I really do and hope it all works out for you, but we all have differing opinions.

Grrr - yep, that nomination would definitely apply to him.

FioFio · 19/06/2007 09:43

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lemonaid · 19/06/2007 09:43

But there isn't a baby, colditz. And if he genuinely doesn't want one, there won't be one because he can put a bloody condom on. I fail to see how this is short changing anybody.

Now yes, if Tina had followed through with her original temptation, that would be unfair. But expecting a grown man to take responsibility for his own decisions is perfectly reasonable.

FioFio · 19/06/2007 09:43

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