to be majorly p***ed off with my post-natal class

rabster if you're minding your parenting style not being 'mainstream' which I felt too for a while, you could maybe read The Science of Parenting which unlike most other books is based on lots of scientific studies and supports co-sleeping etc. I was so relieved I'd followed my instincts having read it as it's really pro attachment parenting and against controlled crying etc.

Hmmmm, I refused to go to any post natal groups and it was because I was worried they'd be like that. Arse to them all, they're probably all lying anyway. If their kids are sleeping through they're probably drugging them. Find a nicer group at once and forget em all!

It's not a competition. If these mums make you feel like it is then definitely stop going, it's hard enough as it is without people making you feel worse. I had a similar experience and have since found a different group of friends, and MN is a godsend I agree!

Point taken, newgirl, but another reason for 'funny looks' can be that the rest of the group feel that you are implicitly criticising their choices by making different ones yourself. That's what seems to be happening in my group. I'm amazed actually: thought we were too old for that sort of nonsense.

Apparently not.

I know I should rise above it and be extra reassuring, but that's not what I'm there for tbh. I want a mutually supportive group. I am a new Mum, after all.

My group was a little stange, they all seemed to be totally enjoying the whole experience and my son was colicky (don't underestimate it until you've experienced it!!) and screamed all day. One mum just looked exasperated at me and calmly told me that her son didn;t sleep in the day either and it was a sign of intelligence. I remember saying 'i really don't care whether he's intelligent or not i just want him to sleep!!!!
I then had ''discussions'' with my health visitor in front of everyone as i said my son would only sleep on his front (bad, bad mum) as that was 'contrary to current recomendations' which then led to loads of 'well you wouldn't want anything to happen to him would you? comments.

Heaven forfend that your children should be attached to you, after all. Tsk. Whatever would come fo that?

most of them are probably lying.

I doubt that they are all sleeping through the night tbh.

i dont know why i am now defending the group - but i wonder if 'too attached' was meant as a fear of being up in the night for years to come, rather than a general attachment/bond thing? Not sure - it just seems a bit extreme and I wondered if the comment should be taken with a pinch of salt

it just occured to me when up with dd2 (15 months) last night at 12 and 3 that this was not funny any more and maybe i should have been a little firmer a bit earlier!

Gursky - how did they manage that - how did they go about dumping you!? Poor you!

'they'll become too attached to you' WTF?????

Mad women, never go back

so true reiken

also would like to add that second/third time around noone discusses feeding/sleeping etc as too busy getting on with it

i so think that new mum groups should probably not discuss babies either - too likely to go home and worry about it -best stick to world politics/religion etc - far less contentious

I'd add that pride comes before a fall - especially where kids are concerned. Wait until teething/potty training/toddler tantrums etc start and see how smug they are then!

My post-natal group dumped me! I wasn't quite the right class of person ... I found a different group and am much happier now. Stick with people who make you feel better and keep away from competitive mums - this about you and your baby it's not a race.

i would just add that maybe sometimes 'funny looks' are interested looks rather than judgemental? dont forget that everyone is hormonal and trying to work things out

from memory, i dont think i was remotely bothered what other people did re sleeping/feeding - i was just keen for tips and answers to help me, so maybe take any strange looks with a pinch of salt too

rabster: your OP has cheered me up, as I was going to post something similar myself!

My NCT class are now all Gina Ford-ing and mix-feeding. I've no problem with it as a) it's none of my business and b) they've all got healthy, happy babies.

But I'm starting to get funny looks when I say I'm planning to BF past six months and that we sometimes co-sleep. Different parenting styles = fine. Sniffiness about someone making different choices to you = paranoid and rude.

Am plucking up the courage to leave...

PS not sure what an alpha parent is but if it helps I'm a bit like you...co sleep, breastfeed for as long as it takes (16mths last time) and never leave them to cry unless absolutely impossible to respond (ie foot stuck in a drain, on the toilet etc...).

I would like my kids to sleep through the night but DS1 was 3 before he did...ho hum!

Oh my, I'd be angry too...not just at being made to feel like a freak, but because the poor babies were being treated like that...too attached my arse.
It's really stupid. Attachment is all about being there for and with your child, so that it feels secure enough to go off and leave you when it's old enough...
In research it's the kids whose parents ignore or abuse them who are the most clingy.
(Apart from the ones whose parents are REALLY bad, those ones won't make eye contact with another human...)

The ones who are responded to and listened to and cuddled, are usually way brave about toddling off and exploring the world, because they know they have someone to come back to.

Rambling, sorry...

or perhaps a bf cafe?

Yep I agree with the others.

Given you are quite into attachment parenting and co-sleeping maybe try the sort of activity that tends to attract mums like you? Maybe baby yoga or massage - or is that full of alpha mums these days too?

You WILL find kindred spirits out there but just cos you have kids doesn't mean that's enough to be friends with people you don't have much in common with. Find other nicer people who support you and you support - I'm sure you will!

People get the impression that post birth they will make tons of fabulous mates through their postnatal group but it just isn't always like that. Mine were a very mixed bunch too. You will find people you like more soon!

just bad luck with your group - move on - there are loads of mums out there that you will click with

lol... I was told to start weaning at 16 weeks. It was the health visitor advice 5 years ago. It was a real nightmare weaning early because my son didn't want food. Much better at six months when the baby takes the food off you!

Try La Leche League. I think you would find the mums there more similar to you

ah the joys of competitive parenting ....