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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want sil to spend half tem with her kids here when I've just had a baby.

32 replies

maisym · 16/06/2007 23:08

we've spent hols with her & her kids at parents in laws house during the summer holidays. She does nothing to help & dumps her kids on me.

I have four kids & she's offered to spend a future half term with us to help with the cooking & childcare!! I'll have a newborn.

dh has said fine to her but he'll be at work.

OP posts:
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j20baby · 17/06/2007 20:52

good maisy, hope they listen to you!

Original poster
maisym · 17/06/2007 20:40

hi there - have said only when dh is at home not when he's at work. He works long hours & I just couldn't face having to do everything and then be told what a help sil is.

OP posts:
alicet · 17/06/2007 12:24

maisym, Hi there I am on the due oct thread too...

How about compromising on a couple of days? A week is a bloody long time to expect to stay with someone when they have a new baby. OK so she thinks she will be helping but perhaps say that you both know how tiring a new baby is (which presumably she does too if she has children) and you can't commit to longer than that when you don't know how you will be feeling.

Good luck and sorry to hear you've been hainv other probs too - hope all sorts itself out for you

Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:55

elkie - I reminded him about the previous hols experiences but it might be easier for him to put this in the past than for me.

OP posts:
elkiedee · 16/06/2007 23:51

It sounds like you've tried to make it clear to your dh how you feel, but does that include pointing out that she expected you to help even when you were dealing with your 1 year old? That she doesn't sound likely to be of help if you're still in hospital. I think when you've just have a baby you're absolutely being reasonable to not want someone to come and stay for a week, unless you actually want them eg a friend or relative who would support you rather than dumping.

Hope you find a solution,

j20baby · 16/06/2007 23:45

why? i never do!

Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:44

true as well!!!! will have to find that moment to actually read through - rather than just writing about me

OP posts:
j20baby · 16/06/2007 23:44

yes do, will see you there x

Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:44

you're right j20 - preg wise I'm having a tough time with placenta probs & check ups. hope your doing fine - will go to the oct thread!

OP posts:
j20baby · 16/06/2007 23:42

you'll never be able to catch up!

j20baby · 16/06/2007 23:41

oh ok, you popped in yesterday, but to me it seemed like ages

Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:41

haven't been there for awhile that's true!

OP posts:
j20baby · 16/06/2007 23:40

hmm yes, why haven't you been on the due oct thread for a while!

Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:38

have until october to organise!

OP posts:
Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:37

feel better for ranting - just so ahhhh about the whole thing.

OP posts:
j20baby · 16/06/2007 23:37

cheeky cow, just say that you've made other plans, other people coming or something.

Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:35

dh would have to tell her - I've never phoned her.

I could compromise on a weekend but not the whole half term. At least I'm forewarned - would be worse if I had only a few days notice. If she comes for a weekend my dh will have to sort out beds, towels, shopping and everthing.

OP posts:
Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:33

on holiday she relaxes whilst I sort out kids breakfast - as I'm already up!! for example.

she reads all day & swims. She even went back home & left her ds behind without even discussing this with me - I was just expected to look after him as well as all my kids who were aged then 6,3,1.

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 16/06/2007 23:30

of course there's something you can do, you can call her and say no! It's your house as much as his and if you don't want her there then tell her no don't rely on dh to. Seriously just say it's not a good time and that you'll let her know when it's convenient.

Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:29

you are all so right about things.

my sil is older than my dh.

OP posts:
Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:27

hoping my sis will come & visit.

I've said to my dh he has to be here when his sister is staying - I'm not being dumped with all the work.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/06/2007 23:27

Why isnt there much you can do? He's not going to be there!

Tell him to grow some balls and decline his sister's offer, unless he takes the time off to be there with you to help you too.

You dont have to do ANYTHING you dont want to.

ratfly · 16/06/2007 23:25

sorry she not he

Original poster
maisym · 16/06/2007 23:24

just a newborn!! she sleeps soundly though!!

OP posts:
ratfly · 16/06/2007 23:24

can your newborn be very colicky? and so you need to catch up on sleep? or he'd be crying the whole time so why not visit when he;s older

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