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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my friend just cheated on her husband while he is in hospital?

109 replies

milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 16/06/2007 17:59

I so do not know how to handle this one.
My friend just told me she met up with her ex boyfriend from long ago last night, she took him home (her dc at grandmas), they spent the night having sex, more than once, and it was so great.

Her husband is in hospital for the last two weeks with heartproblem.

By my friends own admission she will not have sex with her ex boyfriend again as husband is due out from hospital on monday, so the possibility will not lend itself.

FFS! She has been married 7 years, as a 3 your old, and she just told me she has cheated and shows no remorse? Ok, she and her dh had an open relationship before they got married and had kids, but even so?

What am I to think about this? Shall I just ignore it, or ?

OP posts:
Original poster
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 17/06/2007 00:55

Hi Bananabump, as you can see, I am about to change my name...

Sound advise there, will take a step back and see what she says in the morning...

OP posts:
bananabump · 17/06/2007 00:41

We've all confessed things to friends out of just needing to talk it out with someone, but her lack of regret and the way she is boasting just makes her sound horrible.

I would wait til she gets in touch with you (hopefully she's had time to reflect on why you left in such a hurry on msn) and then be a bit cool with her. She might be annoyed that you've judged her, but not many real friends wouldn't when faced with such behaviour.

You don't necessarily need to get into a slanging match with her, but let her know that as her friend, you have to tell her what she's doing isn't right on so many levels, she's going to get caught out, and you don't want to have to hear about the aftermath when it's self caused.

Original poster
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 17/06/2007 00:22

Elasticwoman, I dont know the answer to any of these questions. We have spoken quite openly about sex in the past, so maybe she just feels like confiding... Maybe she wants me to give her a kick up the backside, ie to condone her behaviour. (I am active in my church doing lots of voluntary work there too, dc goes to catholic faith school)

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 17/06/2007 00:02

Have you expressed your shock, disgust etc to your friend? Have you asked her why she is telling you, and told her you are not impressed? Does she care whether her husband finds out or not? Will she care if she passes on an STD to her husband, when he already has other health problems?

tiredemma · 16/06/2007 23:47

agree- its not a case of being a prude.

willywonka · 16/06/2007 23:41

If it helps, I really don't think you're being a prude.

Original poster
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 16/06/2007 23:38

I am pretty tolerant, but I am also at the moment utterly disgusted, shocked and in disbelief at her lack of respect and values. I am usually no prude, but my limit go at actually cheating, not just once, but for the second time premediated, and then to boast about it....

OP posts:
willywonka · 16/06/2007 23:30

Can't believe she'll be able to keep a 3yo from telling daddy about the man who read a bedtime story when he was in hospital, do you?

Was shocked at your original post, astonished at this evening's developments and am not sure that I would be able to maintain a friendship with someone who clearly shares very different core values. However you may be a more tolerant individual!

Original poster
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 16/06/2007 23:29

I dont know if she has told anyone. But what if the son wakes up, walks in? Surely he would tell dad when he comes home? He is nearly 3, so talks.

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 16/06/2007 23:28

Sounds like the last thing her husband needs. I'd probably tell him when he was well enough to hear it actually as she has taken it too far having her "lover" in their home and also reading their child a bedtime story. How humiliating for her husband, even more so if it carries on or he finds out years later.

lissie · 16/06/2007 23:24

thats awful. you dont need someone like this in your life, do you trust her?

maisym · 16/06/2007 23:23

has she told anyone else? could her dh get to hear about this.

tiredemma · 16/06/2007 23:20

I couldnt be arsed with someone who not only treats her husband like a mug- but also clearly has NO respect whatsover for her children.

To brush it off as if its non-significant is almost laughable.

she sounds bloody awful

Original poster
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 16/06/2007 23:20

She is not asking my opinon, she is boasting. Like it is the greatest fun in the world, and what a great time she is having to do this when her husband just had a heart failure.

OP posts:
morocco · 16/06/2007 23:18

don't think you need to think anything about it really, who knows what goes on in anyone's relationship and it's noone's business apart from theirs. is she asking for your advice/opinion? i guess in that case, up to you if you tell the truth and risk losing the friendship or maintain a diplomatic silence.

Original poster
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 16/06/2007 23:18

yup - he just read the child a bedtime story, she came on msn to talk to me as he has popped out to get a take away...

I couldnt hang about and chat about it, I said to her: I hope you change your bedsheets before your husband comes home to sleep in his bed. and she just replied : "maybe I just let him sleep in it lmao!"
I replied "Shit, your bring your lover to your home with your child asleep in the next room? Good luck with this one" and signed off.

OP posts:
lissie · 16/06/2007 23:18

slag. run a mile.

gibberish · 16/06/2007 23:17

Interested to know how she justifies this to you?

tiredemma · 16/06/2007 23:15

she has the morals of an alley cat.

what a slag

tiredemma · 16/06/2007 23:15

hang on- he is reading the child a story??

lissie · 16/06/2007 23:15

im sorry but i think you should trust your instincts here and run a mile. she obviously has no morals.

tiredemma · 16/06/2007 23:14

Not many things shock me, but having some blokey round for a shag while your kids are in bed and hubby is hosp is a bit shitty tbh.

Original poster
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 16/06/2007 23:12

am I such a prude? I just spoke to her, or rather she told me on msn, he is there again, at her house, her child asleep in the next room, and mummy brought her lover home, she is looking forward to another "fuckfest", loverboy having read her child good night story....

OP posts:
Original poster
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 16/06/2007 18:13

Maybe I shouldnt be, but I didnt know her back then, as this was more than 7 years ago.

OP posts:
winniepoo · 16/06/2007 18:12

I hate cheating but i love my friends so would be supportive. Surely you can't be that shocked though if they have both slept round before?