To be annoyed at my DM still treating me like a teenager?

All these people saying it's normal and you might do the same, I do think I'm different to my mum. I am very different with my child (who's only 5 still) than she is with her even now. So I'm quite confident I won't be the same as her. And I'm glad. Too much water has passed under the bridge about what she's done and said and not done

My Mum is also like this- with regards to my lateness and messiness.

Unfortunately, when taken in the context of her own life- it’s extremely difficult to see it as anything other than snide and hypocritical.

DS2 broke a charger cable by accident. My aunt said, "Don't you think you should take control?" FFS, he's 7, if I was in the same room as him 24/7, food wouldn't get cooked, washing wouldn't get done, uniforms wouldn't get put out, baths wouldn't get run...

I don’t think all mums do this. I was a widowed single parent right from when my DDs were babies, and I’m delighted, now that they’re grown up, to be able to let go of all the responsibility of parenthood!
Now when I go on holiday with them, I expect them to navigate the electronic check in at the airport, get us to the right gate etc, while I browse the bookshop.
And likewise, I expect them to use google street maps to roll me back to the hotel after a few jugs of sangria or whatever!
I will advise if asked - DD2 is buying her first home, so I’ve gone over mortgage paperwork, legal fees etc with her at her request, and provided a handhold when she’s stressed.
I was never particularly keen on babies or toddlers, much as I loved my own - I much prefer being able to chat to my DDs as adults.
Maybe mothers who can’t let go are the other way round, and wish their kids were still helpless dependents?

My mum tells everyone I have terrible balance and jokes about it.

I was a bit of a clumsy child, but I took up figure skating a few years ago and have only fallen once in that time.

Dunno why they're like this.

She also tells everyone (and me) that my singing voice was the worst she's ever heard. She literally begs me not to sing when we go to church together. I was super confused in school when my teacher wanted me to sing a solo at assembly. And doubly confused when the church's worship leader approached me to sing at the carol service after sitting next to me one Sunday.

Mothers, eh?

It's such a relief to read this thread because I honestly feel drained by having to deal with a mother who treats me like a useless teenager who can't cope all the time, when I'm in my late 30s. E.g. buying me tights for my first day back from maternity leave, which was sweet, but the price was a sneering comment that she knew I wouldn't have thought about it myself (I've worked in the City for 12 years and I know you need to wear tights with a skirt suit so yes, I'd thought about it). That was one of half a dozen similar comments in the same ten-minute car journey, including saying that she'd put my sleeping baby in the cot because I wouldn't be able to do it without waking her. And when I replied with a tetchy "no, I can do it myself" to the last one, DM insinuated that she was worried about my mental health because I was so aggressive.

She also still defines me by the episode of depression that I had more than a decade ago. Sometimes, I'm on the brink of telling her than a big factor in my depression was the fact that I was being sexually harassed by her sleazy cunt of a partner, who even went as far as to send me pornography. They're still together and I don't think she'd believe me, so I doubt I will.

As someone else said, it wasn't started as a thread to complain about parents fussing, but more insisting you are still X or Y because of something that happened at 16. Or making things up entirely. I was sick in the car on holiday once at about 9 and now my MIL (she and mum are friends) always asks me if I want to sit in the front if going out as I apparently get car sick. I don't even know how many times I've told both that this is Not A Thing!

DM's 73, has had 4 operations in the last 3 years and still insists on doing everything herself.

My mother is similar too. She also calls me by my maiden name when I’m at hers and she’s calling me from another room. That really annoys me.

One day you realise they are old and frail and relying on you, as an adult to understand life and help them. Yeah. My DF is used to being the person everyone relied on and came to for help. He's finding it so hard. If he couldn't offer me street maps and route finding directions, it would bring home to him his declining capacity.

this definitely happens to me still (as the only child it feels even more focused on me at times) but going the OTHER way whenever i visit them they love to spoil and look after me like i’m a teen again and it’s such a nice break from my own mum life of being at everyone’s beck and call. Someone making lunch for me AND bringing me a coffee just how i like it made?? Yes please

don’t think parents ever stop being parents

I have a good, professional career and my parents don’t know what my job is. Nor have they made any effort to find out. Hard to keep the balance between being interested in your children's life and being intrusive and not recognising that they have their own lives now. Though "not made any effort" sounds like they haven't even tried to find the balance!

MereDint DM sees me once a week for lunch. She doesn't have that excuse.

To be fair, I want to scream "BLOW YOUR FUCKING NOSE!!!!" at people sitting behind me in cafés when I hear them sniff through an entire meal Vickie. These are adults.

Yes I agree isleepinahedgefund. Although I don't have a 'professional' job, but happy with my job but I think they don't think as much of me because of this

My dad is also the variety who will talk you through filling/boiling the kettle, locking the front door correctly (I still do it wrong apparently, I’m nearly 40) etc. It’s become a source of family hilarity because it just makes me giggle so much. Sometimes I can see in his eyes that he still sees four year old me.

My mother continues the stream of criticism she levelled at me as a child, so I stay away from her. She doesn’t have any respect for the adult I’ve become.

The poster who pointed out how intimately we get to know our children when they’re little and how much time we spend with them has it spot on I think. I have a good, professional career and my parents don’t know what my job is. Nor have they made any effort to find out.

If you want to avoid being less like your parents are now, don’t forget to get to know the adult your child has become. Ask questions. Find out about them.

I'm the youngest of my siblings and my mum once said to my oldest sister "I forget Liz is grown-up sometimes". I'm in my mid forties.

Mums...bastards eh? Loving you and still feeling maternal? It's SO hard to cope with isn't it?
I'm the same with my grown up kids at times. I know they are grown and successful but when they last lived with me, they weren't. That's how I still identify with them.
When they are both together with me they revert to th squabbling teenagers they were.
I had the opportunity of seeing a presentation my son did at his work, he does lots of them, and I didn't recognise him! I had no idea he was so mature and accomplished. I saw the man, not the boy I knew as my son. It opened my eyes.
Do I still say stupid mother things to him? Yes!

Wait until your children are grown and see how you are.

My mum's not like this at ALL. Nor was my late father. And I am very messy!

But I had a friend who was like this. We'd known each other all through our teens and early twenties, and in her mid to late twenties she had settled down, got a good job, and worked hard at her career. I spent a few extra years getting pissed, then had a baby.

We worked together in our thirties, and she was never able to look past the mental box she had put me in years before: flighty, flirty, borderline alcoholic, with a filthy mouth. Before we ran events, she would remind me not to turn up hungover, not to make sarcastic comments. If I spoke to a man she would raise an eyebrow at me.

Worst, though, was when my father passed and I was going through a tough time in my marriage for unrelated reasons. She shut down any attempt I made to talk, made it sound like I was "a bit blue" rather than grieving, and when I said I was thinking of leaving, she told me I was being silly to think that, and I shouldn't make such decisions when I was "clearly upset." (Not sure when else you would decide to end a marriage!)

As it happens I'm still married, rarely drink, and we're no longer friends.

My mum always said of me that my bras always fell jam side up (ie I’m lucky)

if you regularly have jam on your bra, I'm not sure "lucky" is the word I'd use to describe you.

My mum is like this and I hate it. It's infantilising. Every time she's here she reacts with disbelief to every indicator of the fact that, you know, I work, raise two kids, and manage a house perfectly competently. I contain myself to inner eye-rolls (mostly); that said, if one of my parents tried to explain to me how to fill my own kettle, there might be bloodshed.

I haven’t been bailed out of anything by my parents in twenty years, though I’ve certainly helped them out with some difficult situations - I am much more organised than them. Though I can thank my mother for my ability to write an absolute dinger of a customer complaint letter.

My mum still reminds me when the clocks go forward/back. It doesn't matter that most electronic devices do it automatically now.
Bless her, I haven't lived at home for 20years.

One day the relationship changes though. One day you realise they are old and frail and relying on you, as an adult to understand life and help them. Its a circle. ( they may still be reminding you to put a coat on though!)

Mine reminds me to not leave candles lit etc. I haven't lived with parents since I was 17 (I'm now 31). I've never left the house and left anything lit or switched on so I don't know why she has it in her head. I just say 'yes, mother' and inwardly roll my eyes.

My dad still tells me to blow my nose when I sniff. I'm nearly 37.

It drives me mad, but it is quite sweet too (long as I'm not living with him!)