To be annoyed at my DM still treating me like a teenager?

I moved out at 21, my DM never attempted to dictate how I should live, so sure was she that she had done her job properly in bringing me up, so I needed no further guidance!
I did the same with my DC, one of whom is now living with their partner, the other still lives at home.
I cook dinner most of the time, but apart from that, my DH and DD take care of the washing and tidying, and we have a cleaner.
OP should gently remind her DM that she seems to have forgotten what a good job she made of teaching her daughter the right way of going about life - and ask why she thinks her parenting wasn’t enough that she feels compelled to harp on about some of the childish traits that she used to display - as a child!

Do they do it on purpose to wind us up ?!?…..

Mine does the same and I can’t stand it, I’m 50 and she has been treating me like a child for years ( also undermining me, putting me down, humiliating me) I have gone low contact with her in the last year because I really can’t take anymore of it and it is having a huge impact on my life and stress levels, I am no in control of when we speak and see her, I have taken every last bit of control ( over me ) that she thought she has as she was abusing it

Oh that's so cute, Allthegood.
Its just reminded me of a letter I read in a magazine years ago. Where a women was on a bus going past a field full of cows,anyway. Her little one had not long started school and wAS always with her, so obviously forgetting she was on her own. She points out of the window and says "look at all the moo cows"

A few years ago, my Mum drew my attention to sheep in a field. I was 35

My mum doesn't do this so much but PILs are horrendous for it. Drives DW absolutely round the twist.
We are both in our mid-30s with 6 degrees between us, full-time careers, a child, able to manage our own finances etc but FIL will still express astonishment that DW no longer wants to sleep all day at the weekend or that she is capable of cooking a fish pie.
He is also always trying to tell us what is/isn't a waste of money. He was quite shocked when he found out what we earn by accident (it's not a huge amount I hasten to add - we're lucky to be comfortable, but this isn't a wealth boast), but it had never occurred to him that a pair of "girls" might earn more money than him 

My parents definitely fit into this category!

I'm sure deep down they mean well but it does drive me crackers. Unfortunately they do it in such a patronising way, which I don't find endearing, it just annoys me and pushes me away!!

The funniest thing is I was talking to my Mum years ago about what happened between my aunt and grandmother ( my aunt estranged herself in her 20's and then later died having only just reconciled ) and my Mum said it was because my DGM was over bearing, trying to tell my aunt how to live etc. So my Mum swore to me she'd never be like that

It doesn't help that I have anxiety issues and am naturally an introverted character so really struggle with all of it as i cant help but take it to heart.

As I say Gotta more by luck than judgement.The fact that someone's child/ren survived to adulthood doesn't prove that they are parenting gurus who should be trusted implicitly with their grandchildren

Meh,.... kids are resilient. Take a risk...
(Comment is a joke....as was my last one which prompted your response, above)

Rose lots of mums have done that!

My mum does this a lot, often as a dig when she feels put out that I’m a fully capable adult who can do things that she can’t/won’t.

For example I was trying to find my keys the other day and she still sees me as a forgetful and feckless child. It was all ‘see for all that you’re organised you can’t find your keys...’ said as she sat on the couch while I tried to maintain simultaneous conversations with her and my two DDs and organise a shopping bag while struggling with a v painful back.

It’s often little comments or questions about my parenting, like she can’t believe or trust that I can be a parent. But then again keeps eluding to when I sort out her sheltered housing or take over her house.

Sometimes I want to shout, “look one minute you’re acting like you can’t wait for me to be wiping your arse, yet don’t trust me to look after my own children.Please decide how you feel about me!!”

As I say Gotta more by luck than judgement.

The fact that someone's child/ren survived to adulthood doesn't prove that they are parenting gurus who should be trusted implicitly with their grandchildren...

Mine is massively bossy. Tells me how to drive.when to get medicine. Teaches me to suck eggs, basically. She's also horribly passive aggressive sometimes and once caused another passenger of a car to stop in the middle of the road and come storming over to have a massive aggressive rage about my dm's behaviour. I now can't drive with her in the car, spend much time around her, etc, it's just so so stressful.

blueskiesandforests

Well you are still here and survived them so no harm done!

Gotta not Gitta

Gittagetmoving the thing is they think they're highly responsible, always in the right, beyond reproach and I fuss too much ... People who dont know them intimately think so too - my mother's a school governor...

But yes, they are bonkers

blueskiesandforests

I don't think your parents are typical. They sound bonkers. 😁

Bloody hell blueskiesandforests

Can I put the cat among the pigeons and say that reading on here how possessive and clingy many mothers are about their children, I feel this situation will not get better???

Gittagetmoving but sometimes it seems we survived more by luck than judgement. My mother drove my baby nephew around in a brand new top of the range car seat - not buckled into the car. My parents leave my nephews unsupervised in a room alone with their dog while they're elsewhere in the lsrge house. My sister nearly drowned in an unfenced river by their house but they let the same happen to a 2 year old relative my mother was "looking after" - and she blamed his 4 year old brother for not watching him while she gardened out of sight.

My parents repeatedly offered to babysit my dc1 as a baby and did so once - we left her for an hour and a half as a baby so DH could go out for a meal down the road for a special occasion. We came back to find her bright red, screaming and sweaty in her cot having clearly been screaming for a long time. My mother indignantly said they obviously had to put her in her cot so they could eat their takeaway together and hear the television. She added that she'd "had" to leave my sister in her pram in the garage at night because she's screamed so much they wouldn't have "had an evening". We never, ever left her to scream and passed her between us if she was upset at meals, and they knew I never had and never would leave her to cry day or night and sat up with her at night when necessary, but they left her to scream against my wishes and without telling me that they would so I could decline to leave her with them unsupervised.

14 years on they've never babysat again. You're right, it shouldn't be necessary to explain basics to people who've brought their own children up, but apparently some grandparents have irreconcilably different opinions and can't be trusted not to do things their adult children cannot accept. My parents are respected members of the community, not alcoholics or struggling, and these things happened when they were in their late 50s/ early 60s.

I feel you OP! Drives me mad I am constantly described as 'lazy' by my parents - I have worked since I was 16, all throughout University, and last year was working a full-time job and part-time to save extra money... not having any free time at all.

Not sure when I was really ever lazy than wanting to sleep in as a young teenager, still going on over a decade later.

I find this thread amusing! Im 31 and my parents where 20 (dm) and 23 (df) when I was born. They where fantastic parents and we had such a fantastic relationship! Now if we are all together and something a gone tits up we kind of stand around looking for a grown up 🤣

And then you get grown up kids who talk to their mother like she knows fuck all and has no idea how to look after a baby (grandchild) despite the fact she managed to keep THEM alive and well to adulthood
It's amazing how much my adult children know that I couldn't possibly know

I don't even get to be a teenager, my parents still go on about how 'clumsy' I am (I knocked over some glasses in a shop when I was about 6 and literally not one other incident) and also what a 'fussy eater' I am (I didn't like peppers as a child) oh and how vain and precious I am about my hair as if I'm still an insecure 13 year old begging for hair straighteners.