To feel aggravated and harangued by schools constant demands for cake, sponsorship, help?

VSS - completely agree.

I agree with Xenia. I wish they would offer a cash donation option instead of all this fuss of the summer fete, Christmas fayre or whatever, they sell cakes that someone has shopped for the ingredients and slaved over and then iced for £3.50. I would rather donate the £3.50 or even a £10 (they could penalise us lazy parents) and they would not need to waste a Saturday in the summer then running the stall. I say this and I actually quite like making cakes but for use by us, when someone is coming for tea or because I want to make one. Not because the PTA gestapo tell me I must. I have in the past helped out, I used to go one afternoon every week to my sons' old school for a period of about 2 years to listen to readers and run the library.

Will ignore X's usual pointless trolling.

Yes I think you are being unreasonable, because you're not being harangued. You're being mildly asked. If you don't want to, you don't have to, and no-one is going to do so much as raise their eyebrows to you as a result. I think you're feeling misplaced guilt, but there's no need for it. You don't have to be involved with school stuff, there's no moral or social rule that says you do.

I.....no, on second thoughts, I won't rise. Pass the popcorn someone, and I really fancy a gin and tonic as well. Can any WOHM who's got a moment make me one? I don't think I can do complicated things like working out the proper proportions - and I might cut myself if I use a knife on the lemon. And I can never remember whether the gin or the tonic goes in first....

Blimey.....

[speechless]

A lot of these events anyway don't raise much and are a kind of sop to non working mothers to make them think they have some kind of important role when they don't. I suppose some of them enjoy the social side of it but it's a fairly pathetic construct when a good charity fundraiser could pick up the phone and get you a £2k donation in less than an hour by calling the right firms in the right way which is why most of the private schools for fundraising hire those people.

I have just never felt at all guilty to opt out of it. It's a "ditching the guilt" mental issue really.

I like to pretend I have too gradniose a career to sully my hands with many school things and send the twins with their nanny to summer fairs (given I'm in year 23 of parenthood some getting fed up with school fairs is understandable although I do get to sports days and concerts. I threw the raffle tickets in the bin with some enthusiasm and happiyl say I'm working on the Saturday so cannot man a stall.

I am happy on sponsorship things to put one tenth of what some people put down too. Also if you put a very low sum down that's helpful to others the children then ask to sponsor who see my original amount.

The first page of Allison Pearson's "I Don't Know How She Does It" springs to mind, where she's bashing Sainsbury's bought mince pies at 1am to make them look home made....

I really believe that if you can give something, whether it's time, baking skills, or money, then you're doing your bit.

Some may be more able or willing to give time to PFTAs, some may genuinely not have time, but can support them by turning up and sending their hard earnt....it really doesn't matter so long as everyone does something.

I pointed out that this equated to £8.80 per pupil, and the same outcome could have been achieved by increasing the annual 'school fund donation from £40 to £45, and adding £1 to school uniform costs (which were already very low compared to typical uniform prices).

Fair enough but that would put more of strain on any parents unable to afford extra and like me are only able to offer physical help rather than financial!!

Daughter brought home a letter today. Nursery are having a Pirate themed day and would like some buns if anyone has any spare or the time to make any. I like the non forced theory of it. I might get all a bit creative and do some piratey buns. Or just send in a fake bottle of rum and see who twigs

Agnes

I have 5 kids, 4 of them at school (3 at the same school!!) So its triple the amount of cakes, money, help ect.... As I said earlier even with a baby I help as much as I can. Because money is very tight I help more with time than money and it's not a huge amount of time due to so many kids and a dh of course
Bt I don't feel guilty if I am not able to help for a few months or even a year.
If you do what you feel happy with then thats what matters

Too right NormaSnorks, the amount of money raised compared to the man hours, effort and sacrifices made is usually pitiful. I would far rather be asked for a tenner a head.

I have been full time WOHM and am now a part-time working at home mum and I have to say, I have, in my former life, felt like to original poster felt aggreived at what seems like a constant stream of requests and demands.

I think as a WOHM you often feel a bit ostracised from the school anyway, and particularly from the full-on PTA-type mums, and let yourself fall into the trap of thinking 'if I don't put my own time/ blood sweat and tears into a cake then somehow my DS/DD will be emotionally scarred for life'... They won't!

I am now a more active member of the PTA, but I still get rather cynical at times. We recently evaluated a Spring Fair at which the PTA raised about £3,000 after many months and man-hours of preparation. I pointed out that this equated to £8.80 per pupil, and the same outcome could have been achieved by increasing the annual 'school fund donation from £40 to £45, and adding £1 to school uniform costs (which were already very low compared to typical uniform prices).

As a working parent, I know which one I would have preferred, but I appreciate not everyone would feel the same, and be in a position to contribute more.

You have to decide for yourself what is a reasonable commitment for you in time/ money and then just stick to it.

And if you've contributed a lot recently, or in the past, don't beat yourself up about it if you want to pass on the requests now.

omnirian .. i jumped up and down .. see 10:11 post !

I repeat ! I have never been asked for help, only for money, cakes or donations for school fairs (which I willingly give). I'd love to help to the limited extent I can. But short of jumping up and down in the playground and yelling I don't know what I can do.

There's asking for help and being CONTINUALLY asked for help which is the problem here, I think! Like I said at the start of this thread we are asked for one thing after another especially at this time of year and at Xmas...it must be so hard/expensive for those with quite a few kids at school.

WWW - agree with your post of 14.26

But would also say certain school events help to create the school community - but yes, they shouldn't be just about fund-raising for quite basic things in schools.

The OP has obviously done her bit - you should just ingnore the letters. But we can't send out letters selectively...!!!!!!

I do sometime feel like saying to 90% of the paremts at our school"OK, how about we keep your children off the play equipment we've slogged to buy, don't give them a drink and a bag of cherries at sports day, don't give them an Easter Egg, only let them read the grotty old books in the library, not the new ones we bought, don't contribute to the cost of school trips if they need help to pay, don't let them come to Christmas parties, summer discos......' But I don't. Becuse I'm a mug - and because it really doesn't matter, but it is galling when you ask for volunteers and you get 3 from a school with over 400 pupils!

Am v. surprised by the strength of feeling that is out there against requests for help etc. All school always need to raise funds.

When I was a kid my parents flatly refused to support any sponsorship requests and even stopped me from going on trips that req'd money to be paid.

I must admit I'm a bit more easy-going with my eldest because it was quite hard for me to not get involved with what was going on at school so I tend to meet whatever the school ask for but I don't go overboard - ie tombola= tin of soup, raffle prize= bottle of plonk etc etc!

But we don't have a bottomless pit of money for school. We pay plenty in taxes so there shouldn't be a need for us to support our schools with their request for new equipment etc.

We recently had a news letter home, saying that we needed to say a big thankyou and be very grateful to the PTA for donating some money towards something or another. It was my damn money that went to the PTA to benefit the kids in the first place!

It's the sponsorship that gets me.
It is constant and drives me nuts.

There must be something wrong with me because I simply wouldn't have the time to get actively involved with the fundraising/PTA's at my eldest's school.

I work shifts, my husband works long hours, two kids, always loads to do/get done, no au-pair, babysitter or grandparent to take the kids for me, no spare money to put them in a club during the holidays....I basically cope/struggle/manage and simply couldn't take on anymore commitments including those the school wants help with!

I find being a full-time parent to two young kids enough to cope with! I must be getting old before my time...