To feel aggravated and harangued by schools constant demands for cake, sponsorship, help?

Just ignore these demands if you don't want to play ball. The PTA/school sends them out but does not really expect that every single parent will respond. Not all parents work f/t and the ones that don't may well want to contribute. You can't expect the PTA to discriminate between parents when they send these requests out - they will send the same letter to every one. If you feel you've already done your bit, then fair enough; no need to feel guilty, but no need to stamp your foot either.

Normasnorks, can you give more detail about your "ranked summary" - sounds interesting.

Xenia - do companies really shell out willy-nilly to professional fundraisers?

Let your au pair bake the cakes!
Cannot see why you object to giving money for trips
Running stalls is not required, dump the guilt

Do what you can to support your local school but don't feel guilty about what you can't do!

Some people who are busy just make donations. They can raise quite a lot of money and the fairs etc are often enjoyed by the children so there is some community spirit being created. I don't think anyone should feel guilty about not being able to help. If you can't, you can't. I've never understood the cake baking either or feeling guilty that you bought one from the supermarket to contribute. Or why baking a cake for the fair is somehow morally superior to buying one from the stall.

Agreed 'Unknown'. Also I see your point 'Fillyjonk' but we really have tried with no recent success. It is all too easy to become disillusioned and also there is a tendency to think 'well- we volunteered without anyone mentoring us'. I think that alot depends on the involvement (or lack of it) of the school staff. Our Head is great and is on the PTA but is not at all pushy when it comes to fundraising. None of the other teachers ever attend the PTA meetings. They will help at the Summer and Christmas fairs but no more than that.

True, Fillyjonk.

Problem is, it's usually easier to just get on and do the job in hand.

Wrong attitude, I agree, but when you're doing the PTA stuff alongside all your other commitments....plus I don't want to come across as pushy.

Having said that, I've been talking to two parents this morning who have both expressed offers of help but for whatever reason, have usually fallen through. Will be making a real push come September for them to get more involved.

there does tend to be a perception that the PTA are cliquey and IME they often ARE

now this is partly becuase no one else will DO it, I agree

but then there is, IMO, always a problem whereby the PTA does not do nearly enough to recruit new people. This means mentoring them and befriending them. It is a skill and one which there is much written about, it is something KNOWN to be a difficulty in recuiting volunteers.

It may not be fair, but thats probably why you don't have more volunteers. People really don't see it as fun.

I have suggested the donation route to our PTA and there was horrified silence and then the idea was dismissed out of hand as they daren't risk offending anyone who might not be able to afford a donation etc etc. We have a very mixed catchment but always get ourselves tied up in knots on pricing issues because of perceived unfairness ( ie huge argument about how much to charge on the gate - 30p rather than 50p !! ). I have stuck out for higher prices on cakes because frankly it is an insult to the people making them not to charge more.
I also get fed up with the accusations that PTA's are all cliquey. Quite frankly all 8 of us would happily stand down if anyone else would come forward and actually offer to do anything.

You know what, I really wonder if Xenia couldn't do with some therapy to explore her problem with different ways of mothering.
Her instant defensive reaction to any thread that suggests that there may be any validity to a life that is not spent exclusively in paid employment is deeply worrying.
I really do hope that whatever my daughters do when they grow up they will not be defining their lives purely on the basis of how much they are paid.

I know what you mean filly, but I can't see how spending hours cutting up old curtains and sewing bunting is getting involved with your child's education, which is the sort of thing our PSA seems to devote its efforts to!

pta stuff ISN'T just about cash

its about being involved in your kid's education

not sodding sending the nanny with them to their school fair, ffs.

That's a good idea but it can be tricky getting through the barrage of 'we've always done it this way' when new brooms sweep into town. FWIW, my old headmaster (my dd attends my old primary) was a past master in extracting money from parents as he used to funnel you down the school corridor to the main hall/dining room, with side-stalls and attractions all the way (now the school isn't allowed to do that for fire regulations) and you routinely left the premises with an empty purse as he also put out 'donation bowls' at the end of concerts etc. Ah the good old days .

Fair enough Norm but thats why I like to give my time. If fairs etc... were stopped and cash asked for instead I could not help at all

Magnolia - the school fund donation I referred to in my earlier post is optional, so if you weren't in a position to pay it, then you wouldn't have to.

I think the problem with a lot of school fund-raising is that people very rarely review the relative success of different methods, and just keep churning out the same thing again and again, year after year.

Another Mum and I have recently joined the committee of our PTA andhave made a number of unpopular, but effective changes . She is an ex-accountant, so now we review the commercial success of every event and produce a ranked summary at the end of the school year - it's certainly made everyone sit up and take notice!

We've also changed the way we do certain things, so for example the school produced something (let's say it was a tea towel - I don't want to be too specific!)which had input from all the children. They tried to sell it at the gates and the christmas fair. Response was poor and stocks were high. So we argued the case for sending one out in book bags to all parents, with a 'thought you'd like to see it, but no obligation, return it if you don't want it...' note.
We sold hundreds. Had one half-hearted complaint about 'pressure-selling' and lots of people saying what a good idea, as they never have money at the gate, are too hassled etc. And only a tiny % were 'lost' i.e. not returned/ not paid.

Although I don't agree with all her comments (!) Xenia is right to some extent. If all the resource and effort in PTAs was better managed by expert fundraisers it would be much more effective, AND not have to constantly rely on the same parents forking out via fairs, raffles, cake stalls etc but also get support from the wider community.

well to be fair, kate, PTAs are often fronts for desperately cliqey women. I don't want to run a PTA stall really, I'd much rather have schools funded through my taxes. (jumbles sales, army etc)

BUT

the idea that voluntary work is somehow useless is sooooo piss poor and wrong that I don't know where to start really. I can't remember how much money the governement saves through voluntary work, especially when you include unpaid care work, money saved on free nursery places by SAHMs etc, but bloody hell I bet its a lot.

Why are people so scared of the PTA? Do some PTAs have a Militant Wing or something? What exactly is going to happen to you if you ignore a mild "fancy baking a cake"? letter? White hooded PTA members with flaming torches hunting you down and subjecting you to lynch mob justice because you didn't donate a bottle of bubble bath you got for Christmas and wouldn't be seen dead using because it's not Jo Malone? If you don't want to do something, don't. 95% of other parents won't either - the PTA won't notice. But don't then get all stroppy because there isn't any nice new play equipment in the playground, will you? You can't not make a cake and sell it!

well I love it

I work, but help out when I can

do the sponsorship etc

only at playgroup atm, but dd1 starts school in September so I will offer then too

usually they have to colour somehting in, then you sponsor them, where's the harm?

and yes, we shouldn't have to do it, but I live in the real world

and as for Xenia, well from what I have seen, my summer fete involves lots of fun, where's the fun in someone making a phone call? competitive shite, ooooh Jacinta's father proviced a cruise as a prize

give me a overstuffed teddybear anyday

The stalls, fetes etc. are not just about fundraising, they're about bonding, socialising, re-inforcing the school's ethos etc.

All those non-quantifiable, nebulous things you can't bean-count.

I actually enjoy the social element of fetes etc and would rather give an hour of my time to help out than the approximate cost of my hourly salary. As a matter of fact, I often 'give' both since I've frequently taken unpaid leave to help out at my dd's school for school trips, Christmas parties and class workshops as a parent-helper. Cakes can be bought very cheaply at most supermarkets and indeed are preferred by most schools now for hygiene purposes at fetes. The days of wonky sponges are long gone at my dd's school. The cakes won't sell themselves though which is where the parents come in (who've perhaps not contributed shop cakes). I think it's good that children see that sometimes you have to work (albeit perhaps a trifle inefficiently compared to professional fundraisers) to raise money than just pick up the phone for a company who'll just offset it against tax. And I'm a mum who has complained many a time about 'voluntary donation letters'.

I remember reading in the paper that one school just worked out what they made a year in donation and asked the parents for a cash amount.

Must say most active members of our PTA are working PARENTS, yes dads too!

And we don't have a PTA Gestapo.

That's quite an offensive term really.

"I wish they would offer a cash donation option instead of all this fuss of the summer fete..."

I don't suppose they'd actually return your cheque, Caroline.....

Sod the tonic...just make mine a gin. x

'A lot of these events anyway don't raise much and are a kind of sop to non working mothers to make them think they have some kind of important role when they don't.'

As a non working mother of 5 I know I have an important role looking after my children myself!! (sorry to the otehr working mums) as usual Xenia you know just the right words to piss everybody off