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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to beat my ex around the head with a mushy banana for telling me he's reading English literature to understand me better

42 replies

SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 08:12

If anyone is unsure BTW the answer is : no, YANBU

So I write a mail to my Russian ex about dd's problems here at German school and how much she hates it and so on and that I'm worried sick about it and can't find any good alternatives anywhere in town. There is one alternative I'm considering, it's a very expensive school for what you get and there are problems with moving her there too. So I don't know WHAT to do.

I get this long waffling mail back about how he is lying about a dacha at the weekends reading Thomas Hardy novels to understand me better.

EXCUSE ME?! WTF? I'm not some creature out of a Thomas Hardy novel FGS. What does that have to do with anything anyway and just ARGHH.

I'm off to beat the heck out of some tennis balls.

OP posts:
Original poster
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 09:23

he is a MUSICIAN Anna. Well I like intelligent, sensitive men and all that but I do like them to be a bit practical too

The frying pan is good, isn't it? Just a bit worried about it being turned on me, you see...

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 09:21

He sounds like a girly-girl, not a man... all touchy-feely and not practical...

MarsLady · 14/06/2007 09:20

Why waste time with a banana when an iron bottomed frying pan is far more effective!

Original poster
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 09:18

actually I quite like him in a way but he infuriates me, always going on about what he is thinking and feeling and not able to even change a light bulb without calling in an electrician.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 09:09

I don't know anything about the Europa schools per se - all I do know is that my friend's children are charming, bright, happy and everything you could possibly want children to be.

Original poster
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 09:05

Thanks Anna, then they'll have been at the bilingual German-French Europa school I think. I don't know of a private French primary school here. I wasn't too impressed with those Europa schools TBH but a lot depends on the make-up of your dc's class and the teacher you get, doesn't it?

Haarpsy, how well you've captured my essence there! I think possibly he is still fighting to understand how I could have chosen to live in the real world rather than with him. I dunno. He thinks it is because I'm EXTREMELY sensitive. I think I'm pretty normal really.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 09:00

No, her children have been in French/German school all through, except for a couple of years out in France (Fontainebleau) which she didn't think was up to much.

Do you want me to ask her?

Original poster
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 08:58

I think it will be the College Francais which is a secondary school only, it's state-run, follows the French curriculum and starts in year 5.

OP posts:
haarpsichordcarrier · 14/06/2007 08:58

I think it is perhaps a compliment
about you being all deep and intense and mysterious??
Maybe????
are you remembering why he's your ex at all this morning?

Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 08:54

Sandy - I don't know but I think it must be at least "sous contrat" with the French Ministry of Education, and heavily subsidised for children with French nationality (maybe that includes EU too). Chances are it will cost a lot less than an IB school.

My friend is half Iranian-half Afghan and her husband is German and they are bringing their children up trilingually in French-German-Farsi, with English as first foreign language. They are all very well travelled and educated etc and she wouldn't have chosen the French school if she hadn't researched all the options properly and found it to be the best.

Original poster
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 08:51

chopster I do like the sound of that stick. However Russians are a bit kinky that way and I suspect he might enjoy it. He likes being whacked all over with a birch rod in the sauna and things like that. Wouldn't want to inadvertantly cause him pleasure, you see - hence the mushy banana

OP posts:
Original poster
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 08:49

Is the French school private or state-run, do you know Anna?

Well, I think ladies you're showing far too much understanding for this man! Gets herself a cup of tea and a cucumber sandwich and wonders what the world is coming to.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 08:46

Hi Sandy

Yes, sounds as if you need to go through the application process with your DD and that will help clarify your decision. We're basically about to go through that with my two stepsons - apply for 2/3 new schools (outside French state system) and see how the process goes and what impressions we gain as we go through it.

I have a friend whose 6 daughters are at the French school in Berlin. I haven't talked to her specifically about school, but she's a wonderful mother and her children are fantastic.

I know what you're getting at... but at least he is spontaneously trying to get at where you are coming from. How many men do that???

Hassled · 14/06/2007 08:44

It could be worse - he could be reading Mills&Boon "to understand you better" . At least his choice is highbrow (sorry - betraying my literary snobbishness).

Chopster · 14/06/2007 08:41

YABU. It should be a big stick.

Original poster
SSSandy2 · 14/06/2007 08:41

Hi Anna
The International school was ok, nothing great but not really fantastic was my impression. The head was good. I need to send in an application form and after that they'd arrange 3 trial days to assess dd and decide which class she'd be placed in. I'd then get offered a place and have to make my decision. Sounds reasonable. So I'm thinking that through.

The dc didn't look particularly cheerful and neither did the teachers TBH. I really don't know what to think. I am concerned about what LIZS said about English speaking dc being held back and the disruption of dc coming and going.

I do get sick of people assuming I'm a lady of the manor type because that's what they keep reading in English novels, you know.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 14/06/2007 08:27

SSSandy2 - I quite understand that your ex's Hardy habit doesn't help you solve your very real and immediate practical dilemmas with your DD's schooling.

(How was the international school by the way?)

But I do have an inkling of where he's coming from... I think there are worse sorts of men out there