to be boggled at my sister expecting me to come to her wedding in the middle of the school year ...

Nothing useful to add, sorry,
However, I have always wanted to go to canada and will go on your behalf if you like , I also love weddings.

Buy her a lovely, really extravagent present. And tell her how terribly sorry you are that you can't go in January.

Crikey, well, I think if you don't want to go then don't. But why don't you like her dp?

Shoot me down, but I think you are being unreasonable. If there are loads of people flying in from all over, then holding the wedding during school vacations will make flights and hotel costs miles more expensive for everyone. This way those with kids can choose whether or not to bring them, and no-one gets stung by the extra costs of travelling in the holidays. Taking the kids out of school for a few days won't harm them if it's done as a one-off.

If it clashed with something huge like maybe your childs' first day at school then maybe there's a case for being put out, but as it is, it is entirely up to them when they want to get married, and if they want to do it all in the snow then so be it - the hotel/reception they've picked may be booked up for years in advance during the summer, or it just might be the anniversary of the first time they snogged or whatever. Doesn't matter - it's their party.

I had to miss a wedding I would have loved to attend because it was held in a malaria zone (on a whim of the bride), and I had a baby, and I've had to attend weddings that have really inconvenienced me (including a weekend in Carlisle that necessitated flying in from Johannesburg and catching trains all over the country - just for the weekend), and even worse I've attended weddings where I really feel awkward being there for one reason or another but haven't found a decent excuse not to go. Weddings are always a pain in the butt for one or two people, and I bet yours was too (even if no-one ever told you).

I think you should see if you can fit in a couple of days' skiing, look forward to a few days away from the kids and try to chill about it all.

Gotta go - it's your sister - have a few days off and just enjoy the time away (I'd kill to sit on my own on a plane for hours!!)

Go for the weekend.

I did once for a friend's wedding in South Africa as we were both working on the same team and weren't allowed concurrent time off. It was ridiculously expensive, intensely knackering but bloody hell it was a riot and wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Plus it was really fun swanning around airily mentioning that we'd just "popped over for the weekend" and watching the amazed reactions we got .

Go on. Leave the kids behind as well if you can and feel decadent - deal with the jet lag later.

Maybe she really wants a small wedding and she's hoping a lot of the family will stay away?

NQC

Weddings, like funerals, in my experience can bring on all sorts of difficulties with family relations.

I was wondering what you meant in your original post when you wrote that "she can't get married in the summer". If they already have two children why are they leaving it till January?. Its not as if they'll all be able to stand outside and have photos taken outside is it?. (I know how freezer like cold Toronto gets in January!).

I would agree with a previous comment made that some people do get a bit wrapped up in themselves and thus get put out when a relation cannot attend (often for good reason like in your case).

I would send a nice gift over along with your best wishes.

We all live in Devon/Cornwall. My brother is getting married in Greece in July 2008. I doubt very much we will be going. Ds will be 5 and the dt's 16 months. I am not going on my own making dh take leave to look after all dc's and if we could afford a holiday I wouldn't choose Greece.

Yes he came to our wedding in Florida 8 years ago but his share was subsidised by our parents and he didn't have a young family.

do what you want NQC.

Disagree with Twig - only one of dh's brothers came to our wedding (he has 3), and it wasn't a big issue for any of us. He's not that close to them, and it's never caused any family arguments that I'm aware of.

Don't go - just send a really nice gift. My view is that if it was that important to her that you are there, she would have arranged it for a time when she knew you would be able to make it.

I've had too many friends who have pulled three line whips over parties abroad etc. If you're planning something and inviting people internationally sometimes they just can't make it. If you've got two kids to think of, I think she needs to give you a break. It's not terribly reasonable to expect you to pull them out for a week during school or to be coming alone and dealing with child care for that length of time- esp when you're abroad.

Can you tell I'm an only child though?

NQC if I may be so bold and play the shrink, you obviously have ishoos with your sister which have never been dealt with and since you live a long way away you've decided they need never be. Perhaps you're right, but I can't help thinking that it would be a generous gesture on your part to go to her wedding, and may well go some way to healing your relationship a little.

just because we don't address these difficulites, doesn't mean they aren't festering away at some level inside us.

That's my experience, but feel free to disregard or laugh our loud if it's inappropriate here.

Yes just read she has kids! She is being a bit inconsiderate then but I guess its her wedding so she does have the right to celebrate when and where she chooses. However if you have already discussed your difficulties with her and she has made a decision to have it at a time when you can't go she is either totally oblivious (some people are very wrapped up in themselves!!!) or genuinely doesn't mind if you can make it or not.

Therefore in your shoes I would probably stay at home

If this was me, if I felt unsure about going I wouldn't. How about you and the kids record her a nice message which you can send on a dvd or video wishing them well for their wedding? I would make excuses such as finances to your dad if he put any pressure on. TBH if you don't really want to go it will show in your face that you don't want to be there.

Your not being unreasonable to find it inconvenient and not be able to go as a result. Have you tried discussing if it would be feasible for her to have it on a more convenient date? Before I had children I'm not sure it would have ever crossed my mind...

You are being unreasonable to generally bitch and say you just don't fancy a wedding and expecting (different to discussing and asking her) her to fit her wedding around you. but then I guess you are just venting your frustrations.

If you don't want to go and can't go with good grace then you are better off making your excuses and staying at home. For me this would be absolutely inconceivable but I am very close to my sister and fully understand that not everyone is lucky enough to have this relationship.

I agree with Twig. You CAN'T miss your sister's wedding. She'll remember it forever and it'll leave a nasty taste. I would be seriously hurt if my sister was considering not coming to my wedding. It doesn't matter whether or not you like the man as you're going for your sister, not him.

If it were me I'd take the kids out of school and go, no problem. Or I'd go on my own if I could get a decent babysitter.

Sorry, but it would be a very big snub, especially as she came to yours.

Without sounding to bad. I don't see what the problem is. If you don't want to go then don't. I personally would but i'm really close to my sisters. However i will say that its her wedding and she has the right to choose when she wants. I hope that you figure something out.

I wouldn't go.

It's obviously going to be a complete hassle & as you say, you & your sister don't have arguments.

As far as I'm concerned: if you want everyone from your best mate at Primary school to Great Auntie Ethel at your wedding, you make it easy for them with a convenient date. OR you do your own thang & don't whinge when it's just you, him, & whoever's at a loose end.

luckily they're all already married

but I made them all come to Florence for my wedding

yes you're right .. with my family I'd have no choice .. well-developed guilt instinct