to be boggled at my sister expecting me to come to her wedding in the middle of the school year ...

Maybe she expects you to go because she thinks she sort of ought to, in the same way that you are thinking you sort of ought to go even though you don't want to?

sixofone's last para is spot on.
And there are bedbugs, of course.

I'm sitting on the fence. Part of me thinks YABU - when you get married, you do it to suit yourself, and not other people. If people like you enough to want to be there, they'll be there, so why should she bend over backwards to accommodate you.

On the other hand, YANBU because it does sound a bit dire and a very odd time to be getting married in the freezing cold....

However, you don't really seem like you want to go. So don't go. I'm sure you're big enough to deal with any guilt issues about not going that you might have 10 years down the line. I am also sure that you have plenty enough excuses to use for not going. So don't! That's all there is to it really!

We have never felt guilty for not seeing BIL married, nor anyone for not seeing ours. Nor us for having our own wedding abroad. It definitely does not always affect relatonships either. Both DH and myself have strong links and relationshipos with both of our families. Everyone just accepted that this was the way things were, and everyone was just happy for one another.

My dh never felt guilty.

Hey sorry about all this but I think you should go.

The reason I think you should go is that I didn't go to one of my best friends weddings for very similar reasons. This was 11 years ago and I still feel guilty. The friendship was affected as well. It'd be worse with a sibling.

So even though it is a TOTAL and UTTER pain for you, I think you should go.

I wouldn't go. We didn't go to dh's sisters wedding in Holland a few years ago but they're not close. I think I was pregnant too with probs. Her grandparents didn't go either but they are old and nan was ill.

That is a good point NQC. Weddings are crap occasions for the bride or groom to see anyone. So not a good time to travel thousands of miles and spend heaps of dosh.

At that time of year, in middle of school term, I just simply wouldn't go. I wouldn't want to have to take DD out of school for one. And I wouldn't go on my own either - we only have x number of holidays a year, and I want to use them when DH and DD are around too - for us to have our family time together.

Don't see the importance of being at siblings weddings. Not as if you don't are just because you don't go. I got married abroad so no one saw my wedding (did have a blessing soon after though). BIL got married abroad too - kind of necessity and quick - so none of us went over. Hasn't done anything to damage our relationships at all, and we all still get along very well.

"who thought that giving 6 months notice meant I could figure out a way to go"

I hate that too. "But we have you plenty of time". So what? If it's impossible it will still be impossible in a years time or is 2 weeks time. "I want you to make pig's fly. Come on...you've got a whole year!" What it means is that they have taken away one reason for getting out of it gracefully.

i got married in november and gave everyone a month's but made it clear I would take no offence if people could not fly in from the US and Oz. In the end, ALL my family flew over,in some cases doing a 12 hour flight for a long weekend. I was incredibly touched, but it did make me think if I really meant it when I said I wouldn't mind if they didn't come.

Definitely you shouldn't go. If you do you will irritated and resentful which she will sense anyway.
I fell our with my sister-in-law over my neice's confirmation whcih was at a time impossible for me becuase of work, but also imoossible for the kids because of school holiday did not wan to leave the kidas with DH becuase it was slap-bang in the middle of the hayfever season which DS1 suffers horribly from, and dood tho' his dad is, he wants his mum when he is ill... I am not religious and don't like going ot dchurch anyway. but actually I also resent the fact that I was steamrollered I was younger and less assertive into being niece's gomother.
It did cause ructions with SIL who is religious, and who thought that giving 6 months notice meant I could figure out a way to go. She piled on the emotional blackmail and embroiled my mother who would do anything to avoid disagreemtns, but I didn't go and although I don't fel great about it, would have felt a whole lot worse if I had, whcih I think will be the case for you. Send a nice present and stay at home...

I really don't know Zazetter but the only Canadian person I have met during the process of building a house, made it very clear how stressful it was to finish XYZ before the start of the winter. Canadian winters are far harsher than British ones.

Am I the only person who thinks this idea that she can't get married in the summer because her dp will be busy at work is just a little weird? He works 7 days a week for months on end on building projects that are so absolutely vital to the survival of the planet that they can't even be delayed by one day? Perhaps if he got over himself, more reasonableness would flourish all round.

My sister didn't come to my wedding because she couldn't see herself flying over the Atlantic with a baby. I undertood her reasons totally, more so because at the time, I didn't know that longhaul trips with kids were not really that difficult.

So, I didn't mind about her not coming, not at all but... I really minded about her going all offended about us not organising a wedding to fit her needs when we all knew very well that the main reason to get married in DH's was that to get married locally DH would have had to take a 4 months leave from his job to cope with the local redtape, and the stupid fussiness of my diocese.

So, I think you are not being ireasonable about not wanting to go (my relationship with my sister is very similar to yours) but don't say anything about your needs not being considered, someway I suspect that if she had planned the wedding for the summer you would not be happy about the time either (more expensive, clashing with your high school reunion, etc).

And then if she waited till the Uk half term, some other bloody family member would probably say they can't come. You can't win. I say let her have her special day when she wants and if the family can make it then great.

And take the kids out of school and travel to canada, etc etc.

Bloody weddings and their high status sense of entitlement. If you want your family at the wedding, make sure it is possible for them to attend without unreasonable, avoidable obstacles. Surely NCQs sister could have waited until the UK half term?

But then surely the family should consider the bride, as it is her wedding and understand that she should be able to get married when she wants.