Husband works part time but doesn't do housework

He sounds bone idle

Oh I'm sorry but this situation would be utterly intolerable if It were mine.
You sound like his doormat.
No. If it continues surely the feeling of resentment will become overwhelming leading to you hating him, that would end things anyway. Come on, sort this, grow a pair and get him told. Get his shit together and contribute fairly and properly or get his shit together and fuck off.
Don't continue to be his doormat.

I work part time (four days) due to a chronic health condition and my DH works full time. I do almost all of the housework unless it is a bad day and my DH will sometimes cook or do things I can't manage, like putting the bins out. If I can manage it, so can he. He has slid into this pattern and it suits him quite well not to get out of it.

This distribution is really not fair. Either he steps up more or he goes back to work full time and you get a cleaner. I do think it would be good to get the children to do some things too though as it builds good habits for the future. For a start he should certainly be cooking as he is home and he could either do an online shop or go pick some stuff up, especially if he is already out meeting people as you say.

The girls are now old enough to also be pitching in and they should be responsible for doing their homework.

I’m surprised you didn’t snap at him a long, long time ago tbh. You need a sit down chat with all three of them, tell them what you expect to be done before you return from work and they can figure out a system between the three of them.

What a lazy fuckwit he is.

Either he returns to work full time or you leave. Then you/he pay for a cleaner.

He's taking advantage. Is there any benefit to your relationship? Sounds like he doesn't pull his weight at all. Have you talked to him about it? Said what your expectations are? What kind of bell end wouldn't even think about planning a meal if they're home from work first??

This sounds exactly exh.
Totally unfair. Hope you can get it sorted op.

I'm in agreement with everyone else. This is blatantly unfair, and I'm not sure why you've allowed it to go on for so long.

He should be cooking dinner on the days he's home early.

Now is a good age to teach the kids how to use the washing machine. I taught mine at 14, and after that, they had to do their own washing. They can also help with the hoovering and start learning to cook.

If things don't change, you're going to have to leave him, or your health will get worse. At least if you're not living together, you won't have as much mess, you won't be feeling so resentful, and you'll get EO weekend and some of the holidays to yourself, when you can relax.

Yep sorry to say it, you are a total mug.

How are you dividing money?

If he’s not pulling his weight he shouldn’t get the spoils of your hard work.

His life is a holiday- cross him off the next holiday invite list.

Let him eat beans and toast and baked potatoes until he earns his keep.

There are a few issues here

1. what time does he leave/get home on his working day?
2. he wants one "free" day a week (wouldn't we all?) but when is your "free" day?
3. at that age your dcs should be mostly independent re homework. What are they doing between getting home and you getting home at 6? Is he driving them around to clubs or something?
4. start meal planning and online grocery shopping. then decide who is responsible for each evening meal (between all 4 of you).
5. in his defence washing and ironing and putting clothes away does actually take quite a bit of time...
6. take stock of your pensions, give him a reality check.

I think really the outcome you want is for him to work ft and get a cleaner in a couple of times a week.

And what has he said when you have raised this inequality with him previously?

So you've been putting up with this shit for 12 years?

Rod and back are two words thay spring to mind

Your children are definitely at an age where they should be doing homework unprompted.
Also can they not do some chores?
God not sure how you have managed so long with your dh like that - there's no reason for him to be waiting for yu to come home to cool dinner unless he's incapable using a cooker/toaster/microwave.
He needs to pull his weight.

You defo need to have an ‘I’m at breaking point’ chat.

Write down everything you both do, and go through it with him. Does he think that is a ‘fIr’ Division of labour in the relationship? How does he think it should change? Would he be happy for his girls to be married in a situation like yours?

Yanbu at all. He is massively taking advantage of this. Your girls are old enough to be independent in that they dont need supervision as toddlers do and even so they can also pitch in with chores.

The obvious solution here would be for him to get a full time job and get a cleaner.

Gees, that arrangement would have lasted about 5 minutes with me, not nearly 10 years. Not sure that talking to him will change anything but I assume you already have. Think you're pretty much stuck with this slug now unless you want a really expensive divorce. He won't change.

I wouldn't be very happy with that arrangement. DH has one full day off work a week, and with that day he usually picks up the shopping (I order online), does whatever washing needs to be done, mows the lawns, prepares his/my lunches for the week, takes DC to swimming lessons, prepares at least one dinner and also often does any other jobs that need to be done - DIY stuff, picking up parcels, getting presents for kids' parties, etc. He doesn't do the housework because we have a cleaner, and doesn't meal plan as I do that for 2 weeks at a time. But I would be livid if he spent his day off pissing around with friends - he does it precisely so that our busy working week is easier....

Write down all the jobs that need doing: shopping, cooking dinner, hoovering, gardening etc, along with roughly how long each task takes per week. Then show him how much you do, and how much he does, and tell him it's unfair and needs to change. Now.

Also, do the 13 and 15 year olds not do any chores yet? I'm not talking hard labour everyday, but maybe at least hoover or something once a week.

You should all be a team, you're their wife and mum, not their servant.

What an absolute cock lodger.

@shampaincharly yes, that is incredibly old fashioned and entirely irrelevant. The girls shouldn't be doing this asshole's jobs just because he's an entitled man who cannot bring himself to do "wife work". He needs to either do the jobs or get a full time job out of the house.

Am I missing something? It seems that this has been going on for 14 years and you are only noticing or complaining about the situation now. I find it totally unacceptable, but why have you allowed it to go unchallenged for so long? Getting him to change after such a long period will be hard. Instead of seeing the injustice of the situation he will feel like he is losing out so he will very likely resist change quite strongly.

Can the girls do some chores ? ( pocket money )
It might help a little.
As for husband , does he do the garden , cars DIY ? Sorry that is a bit old fashioned.
As previous people have said , talk with him .

Snapped they're actually 13 and 15!

Tell him he has three choices:

1. Take over the shopping and cooking and step up with cleaning
2. Go back to work full time
3. Split up

Can he not see that this is totally unfair?!

It's fine for him to go on jaunts but he then needs to make up that time somewhere else in the week.

What a selfish twat. Seeing you tired and not raising a finger