Husband works part time but doesn't do housework

I'm not bragging. But I think I'm lucky. When our first son was born I struggled massively. My husband has always been amazing with chores and always does 70% of the cleaning and the cooking( he has a cleaning rota) so he decided he would go part time to be the main carer of our child. I work full time as i struggled being at home all day. I do chores on a Saturday and washing so we can have sundays together. We have a second boy on the way and he's started a flexi work time so ge can drop our son off to school so I can have a bit chilled morning before work. I do the dishes and bath time so he can chill for a bit. By 7 evrything is done( he hoovers, dishes away, toys tidy, packed lunch done etc don't mean to brag it's just to show what some husbands can be like.

Good luck OP. Time to talk it through as you say.

This just sounds like pure laziness on his part.

DS has just started school. I work PT, DH works FT. We have agreed I will continue to work PT but the difference is that I will do pretty much everything that can be done during the working week aside from what our cleaner does and our house will be very very organised. DH might cook on my full working days but that's about it.
He's taking the piss OP.

The girls are now old enough to also be pitching in and they should be responsible for doing their homework.

The girls are in full time education, their lazy fuckface of a father is only working 3 days a week.... why the fuck shoudl they be doing more housework than him????

He is a lazy sod and may as well go back to full time work in order to earn more as he can’t be arsed to clean up
Also, your dcs should be doing some chores. Draw up a rota

It'd be worse if he wasn't moaning and thought this was working!

The reason he's moaning is because he wants OP to do it all, and he wants to give up work completely, hence moaning about the state of the house, and talking about retiring. He's not interested in equality otherwise, he'd be doing more around the house.

You've been his enabler all these years, what do you think will change him now? I agree, lay your cards on the table, divide the work and if he doesn't deliver then he should go to work full time and pay for a cleaner. What a lazy, useless lump.

Sorry hit post.

You just need a proper conversation. It's not a fair arrangement and something needs to change as you both seem to be unhappy with it! That's a start. It'd be worse if he wasn't moaning and thought this was working!

You just need a proper conversation.

I would tell him that it's time to swap roles op. You're going to go down to four days and he can go up to full time. Let him know that he has a month to arrange and see what his reaction is. If he says no way then you both have to work full time and house work is shared equally. Also definitely get a cleaner

This thread is really giving me the rage. All of this chat about getting the girls to "help". Fine, but the main issue here is the husband being a lazy bastard and the complete inequality in this relationship.

In an equal household he would be working the same amount of hours as the OP - either out of the home or making up his hours in the home by taking on the work there.

As it is he is getting a free day once a week and extra hours on the days he works out of the home - the OP doesn't even get her bloody weekends free.

How have you put up with this for so long?
Also, why now? He probably thinks it’s ok because it’s been like this for so long.

Tell him he can go back to work full time and your stay at home and do the jobs he was surpose to do.

Tell him he’s taking the piss and you might as well be single as you would get just as much done, he needs a kick up the arse quite frankly.

He has to go back to work FT and you get a cleaner. This is not acceptable.

Time for a make or break talk op.

You simply cannot go on like this.

I would let him know exactly how you feel and let him know in black and white what you do versus what he does.
Ask him to reverse the roles and see how he would feel.

Nobody would expect Kim and Aggie standards after the chat but a definite improvement plus the willingness to change is enough.
If he does not take on board what you are saying and how you're clearly at breaking point I would remind him of the conversation you had and to not be surprised if he gets home to you gone, having done a Shirley Valentine on him.

Cheeky git.

It would be amusing if he had this archaic idea of "wife work" when he doesn't do the archaic idea of doing "husband work", ie bring the breadwinner.

Excellent point Steel

He sounds a lazy bugger by any standards.

Why?
Why?
Why?
In the name of god do you allow that?
Put your big girl pants on and manage the lazy fecker

Are you moaning or have you discussed a way forward. I know in an ideal world, you wouldn't have to. I wouldn't write a list. I would have a discussion with a piece of paper and maybe with the girls as well. Brainstorm everything which needs doing from cleaning the bathroom to hoovering the house to cooking. Then divide it up fairly. Personally I think the 15yo should be able to do one meal a week, which is also great training for living independently, not just to let you off the hook. Dh should cover the other days you work and maybe you cover the weekend cooking. I would do it more as discussion/ rota.

Seems like you have created a bit of a 'martyr' syndrome for many years and dh has got into bad habits too. Not letting him off the hook, but sounds a bit like you have enabled this unless it has been a constant fight. I guess I sympathise a bit with your dh as I also work part time, but dh does some of the housework. This is partly that I have some health issues, and partly that I am not great at certain things (washing up, tidying up). I have got better at tidying, but my standard is never his standard and with 3 kids that's a conflict.

Is your husband considerably older than you? (Just you mentioned he's talking about retiring). Not that it excuses his behaviour - I just wondered if he has an archaic idea of "wife work".

It would be amusing if he had this archaic idea of "wife work" when he doesn't do the archaic idea of doing "husband work", ie bring the breadwinner.

Is your husband considerably older than you? (Just you mentioned he's talking about retiring). Not that it excuses his behaviour - I just wondered if he has an archaic idea of "wife work".

Why would it change though? He's been getting away with this shit behaviour for over a decade. Don't be a mug all your life op

My Dh was like this. He had months of not working whilst I was working full time. He would drop off and pick the kids up from nursery (they were a lot younger than yours) but nothing else. I told him that I could not deal with this and he needed to step up. He explained that he was not going to change. I explained that I was leaving him.

That was 12 years ago. We are divorced, I am remarried and am much happier. He is still single, not changed and blames me for everything.

Woah, your husband is a right cheeky fucker.

What exactly are you gaining by him not working full time? Sounds like the whole idea of you working full time and him working part time was to take the pressure off you at home, and he's not pulling his weight, is he?