to expect that my DP can get on with his work in clients house, without having to put up with their children

We had a lady come round for a five minute chat last wek about feeding the cats whilst we're away (even the cat is SN LOL soc ant go to a cattery). In that time ds1 managed a huge meltdown, atatcked one sibling and had to be restrained during discussions. I can honestly say I ahve no idea what ds3 (the mroe severe, albeit more passive one) would have done- fortunately he was with the CM, but if you're trying to restrain one child you just simply dont ahve arms and legs for another.

And LOL Lucyellensmum- glad I came back to you posts after they were both there or i'd have been handinga round popcorn

I'm sure that back when dh was doing building work for someone other than me , if you had booked him and explained that you had a sn child and therefore specific requirements about times, noises, etc. he would go out of his way to be helpful. In fact he worked in a lot of households that had non-sn children and would often come back telling me stories about how he let the kids help him. But would also come home with stories about nightmare kids whose parents didn't look after them and let them get away with murder.

my comment wasn't insensitive (or meant to be so i'm sorry if it came across as such)- i wasn't writing it wrt to people coming unnannounced - that is completely unacceptable - and by occupying i meant by them being out of the house/way at the arranged work times and that could mean at school - i hadn't meantioned anything about arranging with workmen when to come, if you ask workmen to come when your child is going to be at school then that is you taking responsibility if they choose to ignore you and come at their own timings then it is not your fault if they didn't get any easy time working (they're unlikley to do that twice!) i was just making the point about it being difficult mid job to down tools - ie it's not the workmen being difficult (i've never met one that hangs around unnecessarily!)

the comment i made about the work over running was just in my experience and not aimed at SN children households where the needs are obviously different (perhaps badly grouped with other comments) but as a number of you say there are workmen out there with experience and therefore empathy to this and it makes sense to use them.

I have a review website lucyellensmum (autism products) - so adding a database of workmen etc would be quite easy. And probably useful. The guys who did our fence recently were great. Actually I did semi review them here, diidn't mention them by name, but someone did email me to ask who did it, so I guess its the sort of information that would be useful for people.

I can imagine that mothers who let their kids just get in the way are annoying. DS3 is a bit of a nightmare but I just take him out if he's being irritating & getting in the way.

Even the guy who came to measure up for blinds. He wanted to come at 4pm so I said to come at 4.15 as ds1 would be working with his therapist by then and might not know he was in the house. The therapist had to cancel, and my god. The guy was tyring to measure blinds, ds1 was trying to shove him and his bag out of the door (and he's strong- aged 8- god knows what he'll be like at 18), I was trying to have conversation with the man about the different types and neither of us could hear ourselves speak because of the screaming. That was someone measuring, not trying to do anything with tools, or paint, or windows.

When I said to him "the only thing is you'll have to come during school hours, when ds1 isn't here", he said 'absolutely no problem at all".

I don;t have anywhere else that ds1 can go. Funnily enough there aren't that many people who can handle him, and respite services are being shut down, plus I have 2 other children and cannot manage to take all 3 out alone.

I think this sentence "i understand the difficulties if you have a child with SN but i still think you have a responsibility to occupy the child " shows that you have very little understanding of severe autism.

occupy the child? Do you know how many thousands of pounds we have spent on therapy to try and teach ds1 to be occupied? It just doesn't work like that. That's so far from how it works...... The last time workmen overlapped they came to look at our roof (unanounced) I let them up and locked them out. DS1 screamed and clawed at the door, hit himself and attacked me until they came out.

People do not work on our house unless they come at a time when ds1 is out. Full stop. If they don't want the job fine, if they do, they work in school hours only.

we have been completely renovating our house (and now finished [grin[ ) so my ds's are used to having tools around and know they are completely out of bounds. if we have someone in doing the work, i ensure breakfast is out of the way, boys ready and out of the way before work starts, and they are not allowed to be in the area of work at all, they may ask to look but i accompany them.

when the hallways were being decorated and it would have been impossible not to be in the way i took the ds's out for the days the men were in. nightmare for me in terms of giving them a cooked dinner each evening!

i accept a chop saws etc need to be turned off at source but as for leaving tools around, they can't be putting tools back in the van/out of reach inbetween uses etc, windows and doors need to be open. anyone who suggests otherwise obviously hasn't a clue about this sort of work! if you need to get someone in then you have to accept it's not your home for that time, it's a work site. (end of day it's different regarding not leaving anything dangerous lying about without agreement)

i would suggest this OP is about lack of common sense/understanding on the parent's part. i can understand why it is so frustrating for your DP.

i understand the difficulties if you have a child with SN but i still think you have a responsibility to occupy the child to allow a workman to get on with it and if you are mid job you camn;t just down tools and work round one person when there are other jobs to go to (and i would rather have a workman that overruns than cuts corners)

i know that some trades people aren't worthy of that title but the ones that are have difficult and demanding jobs.

Hmm sounds like my website needs a list of ASD friendly workmen....... now there's an idea.

Leaving the front door open is another major problem for us. No matter how many times I say it can't be left open (why one earth would we have 3 locks on it if it could be left open??). And loading the blasted van up when ds1 is at home. Aagghh. It sends him crazy and he's headbanging the windows (van doors are not allowed to be open, van doors are shut, nor are people allowed to sit in their cars/vans and make phone calls). Of course open front doors and van doors would not be a problem if they'd cleared off when I asked them to at the time of the quote.

ON the other hand peachy do what I'm doing and employ someone with a severely autistic son themselves!

Its not harsh at all, as Is aiod we'd never expect any babysitting or anything like that- it would be more of a 'hree's a list pf rpecautions youd have to take' no leaving doros or windows open even for a second, preferably work in school hours, expect to be started at 9althiough I'd be rpesent, ds's stare at peopl). Am familiar with insurances and wouldnt create a breach- but some people for example wont work whilst being watched,, even by a 7 year old with ASD who cant help it.

As it happens I dont think anybody with a disabled child would leabe them in the hands of anybody they didnt know even mroe so than NT kids, you just cant.

As for the OP, what with the cat litter and all I do think the householder is completely in the wrong! You employ a builder to build not childmind- and anyway they dont tend to come with CRB checks do they? Your dh, or anybody here wouldn't be expected to do more than maybe answer a (supervised wuestion of few) and take extra precautions around doors being kept secured etc. Oh and we would expect them to not get stressed by the noises ds's make / sounds of meltdowns etc in the next room.

So nothing at all detrimental to insurqances coz thats not fair adn can affect a livelihood. Just- adjustments / tolerances I guess.

I get what you're saying Peachy and I understand how it's difficult for you. I was merely replying to the OP who described a different situation to yours.

FWIW I know my DH's insurance is for 1 million pounds worth of damage to other work/materials/structures (I can't remember how it's worded). He doesn't have insurance for other people's children. I guess he'd be one of those to walk away. Not because he's not kind hearted or professional enough, but he has his own children to think of first and some jobs may be just too much hassle. Sorry if this sounds harsh. I haven't even asked him how he'd react, just a guess.

"schools do not tend to have works done whilst the children are around,unless the area can be completely cordened off, it would contravine health and safety" - exactly - the situation is discussed and plans made accordingly.

But surely if they don't want to cope with a clients child and it is explained beforehand, then they can say that and go away?

Its fairer for peole like gess and I to give them a choice, surely?

It's a choice we don't have. I cant speak for gess, but I don't have anywhere else to take my kids, no family nearby and there's no such thing as childcare 9beyong an excellent CM who can only do mornings) that can take them. I am unable to take them out withouyt an extra adult so whilst i do my utmost best to supervise every second, if someone is in my house for a prolonged periosd (eg the other neighbour whose work lasted 9 months), then the kids are part of the package- not expected to supervise or anything of course, but they will encounter tham from time to time and will need to be aware they ahve no sense of danger / stare a lot / etc etc. If theyc ant cope I'd rather be told so i can find someone else.
Especially having 2 asd kids (one of whom reacts badly to people in the house anyhow), I cant chase two in opposite directijns or restrain one whilst the other climbs a wall without cutting myself in half.

God no. My Dad was a gas fitter and it always took forever to get anything mended in our house.

... or like my DH who thought he'd check our fireplace on an at-a-loose-end weekend and he condemned it because it's not been installed properly. We'd been using it quite happily for many years, long before he got his CORGI card and for a while after. (BTW he hasn't put it right yet either.)

oh i wish I'd married a builder now. Or even someone who knew 1 end of a screwdriver from the other would be handy!

Er hem, I class myself in the middle but I am definately not a lazy arse. Quite the opposite actually, very protective and particular about my ds.

I have to agree that anyone from any background should keep their children out of harms way.

As the tradesperson, I would of thought it quite in order to suggest to this women that the kids need taking out of his way to enable him to do a prompt and thorough job.

If she doesnt shift them then she cant complain if things arent up to scratch.

PMSl

not offended in the least

(Did I neglect to say how much i love madamplatypuis??.... )