To want a female lover to brighten up my existence?

I think we all see someone at sometime and think "wow" after all we are married not dead! I talked to a rather attractive man this weekend but if you have committed to being faithful to someone then you need to take a step back!

I appreciate the situation is different as you are bi but you either need to be honest and accept the consequences or stick with the life you planned with your DH and never contact this woman again.

I think you need to ask yourself some general questions. What are his attitudes to bisexual women in general? Do you know? does he ever talk about this sort of thing? Do you think he'd be disgusted, or is he the kind of guy who'd be intrigued, even turned on, by the idea of you kissing another woman? Has he ever talked about it as a fantasy?

Because, for all the answers people can give you about it being "just as much cheating" as with another man, there are an awful lot of men who just don't see it that way and won't feel threatened as they would by a male lover, especially if you make it clear you have no intention of leaving him and it's just a way of exploring another side of you.

MC this might enlighten you as well it sounds like you are embroiled in one of these.

I think you need to stop now and go and sort yourself out and decide what/who it is is that you want before your dh finds out and you are left with no options

It sounds a terribly difficult situation I hope you manage to work it out

LOL Unquiet Dad I nearly said that!! He might be miffed if he cant join in though!

first of all milk chocolate I apologise for my last post - not that I didn't mean what I said but that I didn't realise your sexuality was as big an issue as it obviously is, I just thought you were bored and looking for anything different.

I still believe that having an affair is wrong and strongly advise you don't go down that road as it will hurt alot of people you hold dear but I think you really do need to talk to someone. I know you made the decision to marry and have children but that, as someone else pointed out, does not mean you have to live a lie forever.

Maybe your not bi but just hold a certain attraction for a person with whom you share, or at some point shared a bond with.

I don't believe you ever lied to you dh in this regard as it is obvious you're not quite sure yourself.

I know it's scary, I've been there but you must be true to yourself - with consideration for your family obviously.

I thin you need to talk to your dp and there are other ways of spicing up your relatioship an dif you need to bring in a third party without dp knoweldge or consent than your relatinship is fundamentally flawed.

I am bisexual and when dp went through a difficult time I had similar feelings to you and almost strayed without his consent but he found out and tbh I am glad. We had a fan and open discussion about both of our wants and needs and as a result I feel he knows me better than any man or woman I ahve ever met and I find that has brought us so close there is no need for me to look elsewhere.

My DP is fine with me having a female lover (though i have never acted on this - lol)

Maybe if you told him he would be OK with it?

Or he may not

Eitherway you need to sit down and talk to your husband, it must be so hard to hide a bit part of your self from him, open up to him!

It will be a relief!

how about setting yourself a task of say, 3 months? where you totally devote yourself to your marriage, really go for it. dont see or speak to this woman, just don't. and see how it goes? if it is not just about sex then you will need to get some help with a longterm decision, but if it is just about the sex then it might go away? thats if you can spice things up with your dh....

you have been hiding this for so long, you dont have to rush things now.

Talk to your DH about it. Let's be honest, 95% of straight men love the idea of their wife/gf "getting it on" with another "bird" in theory, but the reality may be very different. (I don't know - DW has never tested me!)

I knew a bisexual couple in Sweden (he male, she female) who had a rule that it wasn't 'cheating' if they slept with someone of their own sex, only if it was with someone of the opposite sex. This being Sweden of course, it was all terribly civilised and everyone met each other's lovers, went out for dinner, etc. and it was all marvellous.

What you're proposing is not that at all. If you think it could be, why not ask your dh what he thinks? It's hardly fair to say he can't cheat just cos he doesn't fancy guys, so maybe have a rule "we both are allowed to sleep with other women"

Cheating is cheating, and people will jsut get hurt.

Im bi-sexual, so I understand how you feel but cheating is just about the worst road you can go down.

Dont do it

I wouldnt slap you after all you cant help your sexuality or how you feel but you can help what you do about it.

Your DH would most likely be really hurt and it could end your marriage, the question is would it be worth it?

ok so you have a lot of therapists within easy reach
Do you know anyone who can recommend one to you? Or maybe someone on here could recommend someone who is good with this sort of thing

The fallout of such a course of action would be immense. Of course it's cheating ... and it's more than cheating, since you haven't told your husband that you're bi.

You settled for your life. You settled for the husband and the kids. You can't have it both ways, as any bisexual who's every got married on the monogamy ticket will tell you.

Maybe
You can wait a while for an appt though

Can you afford to go privately? Where do you live?

Can you get a counsellor or therapist? Sounds like it would be a good thing to discuss in that sort of environment

Have a look here to see the fall-out

your feelings wont go away though if you have been bi for so long. I think you need to find someone to talk to who has been through similar. an affair could wreck your family's lives, but keeping this hidden could wreck yours too...

Of course it's cheating.

However, dancingtina can tell you how to book a hotel room for the afternoon if you choose to go ahead.

I was goint to change my name for this one but I reckon whats the point - I'm bi and there's no point in hiding it. If people like me and get on with me then finding out I'm bi shouldn't change their opinion.

Anyway, I would say do not do it for the simple reason that it is being unfaithful, just because it's a woman doesnt make it excusable. You say your life is dull and I have to trust that is your feeling instead of pointing out where you should consider yourself lucky etc etc but maybe to spice things up for both you and your dh you could invite a friend into your RL.

Basically, what I'm saying is I'm openminded and feel there are lots of things to consider spicing up your SL but having an affair is not one of them.

sex is more than penetration though, milkchocolate, just because the intended lover doesn;t have a penis, doesn't mean you are not going to have sex

you are being clinton-esque about this, aren;t you??