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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel pissed off with advertising to the 50+

139 replies

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/07/2018 11:17

I might be being overly sensitive but since I turned 50 I started to receive mail advertising the nearest care home, assisted living apartments, funeral plans.

On TV all I see is the plan your own funeral, how to glue in your teeth adverts or the now you are 50 you can go cruising or stay in a hotel where there are no kids with a lot of other people who being 50+ means your kids have magically disappeared.

At 50 I had 2 children in primary school, like a lot of my 50+ friends. At 50 a couple of them still had kids in nursery and one was pregnant.

I peaked looking on AIRBNB this morning at things to do in the local area of a holiday destination I was interested in.

Saw something i thought we could do as a family. But the photographs were of young people in their 20s.30s
In fact all the advertising for anything I looked at was aimed at the 20-30 year old market.

AIBU that as more and more women are giving birth in their mid to late 30s and older. Their Dps/dhs are usually similar age or older.
Men and women aren't all suddenly turning into old fogies who want to run out and plan their funeral on our 50th birthday.

One particular advert always got to me and it might seem ridiculous but the kitchen used in the advert supposedly what some advertising geek thinks is typical of a family whose parents are in their 50s was something out of the 1970s.

Don't advertisers realise most of us at this age have moved and redecorated since 1977.
Advertising adults only holidays to those as young as 50 is directed at grandparents. Unless you had children under the age of 24 and the same with your children I don't see how you can have multiple GC at 50.
Not saying you can't but I think I am right in thinking the average age to give birth is late 20s not late teens.

Aibu to be pissed. I know I could book stuff or buy what I like but the expectation that once you hit 50 advertisers think all you are fit for is to plans your own funeral or shut yourself away in some care home or hotel with others of the same age is really offensive.

Advertisers are missing out on a huge market. After all according to some we are the BB generation and have the most disposable cash

OP posts:
LadyChatterleysGardener · 17/07/2018 10:13

Just as a side line to this- how do these companies know your age?

Are you not updating your privacy settings on social media? Are you giving out your D of B when it's not legally required? Lost of websites ask for DofB but it's not a legal requirement and I don't ever give mine or my real one unless it's a government site or for insurance and banking.

I'm always shocked at the number of people who give their age on facebook etc- sometimes their full date of birth! madness from a security / ID theft viewpoint.

I know we are all profiled by what we buy but I am in my 60s and don't receive any of the stuff the OP mentions.

FWIW the average age now of 'first birth' is around 31. This is an increase on previous years.

But I do agree in principle that ageism is alive and well!

Bluelady · 17/07/2018 10:05

It's pretty irresponsible to not either prepay your funeral or ensure there's enough money readily available to pay for it. The cost isn't going down, incidentally, quite the reverse. Do you really want your kids having the unnecessary additional stress of worrying about how they're going to pay for your funeral when you die? I don't.

Rosstac · 17/07/2018 10:01

Oliversmumsarmy My Mum 74 recently departed from a stroke, her funeral cost over £7000 and that was not a grand do unfortunately as we couldn’t afford anymore

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2018 10:00

Nothing wrong with getting funeral plans in place. Then you can get on with life

Or just get on with life and let others worry about digging a hole and dumping you in it.
You will be dead and won't care

OP posts:
Rosstac · 17/07/2018 09:59

Bluelady Of course you didn’t, when out and about now you still hear it from the younger girls in their party.
I suppose it all depends on your wealth, lifestyle and health, in more richer areas with more money to spend on clothes, hairstyle etc you can look good when your older, it obviously depends on your health, A lady at work mid fifties just had a mild stroke and another is on her second full knee op after a lifetime of manual work

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2018 09:54

Mutton dressed up as lamb* Personally I don't see anything wrong with Mutton dressed as lamb if the alternative is clothes your 100 year old granny would find old fashioned or those clothing stores that presume everyone works in an office or needs attire for a dinner party.

You dress how you feel not to be judged by other people.

Just seen an advert for something called 50Life I think that was what it was called.
So definitely aimed at the 50+ market.

I shouldn't bother with a funeral plan as the cost seems to be tumbling.

I distinctly remember a few months ago the cost of a funeral was as much as £7000 but on this advert it has gone down to £4000.

Maybe next year it be £2000 and the year after £1000.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 17/07/2018 09:51

Actually - thinking about it, these adverts are going out to EVERYONE watching the programme. We are just the ones noticing the adverts.

Maybe our brains are trying to prepare us.

BestZebbie · 17/07/2018 09:49

Surely people are missing the point here - they advertise funeral plans to over 50s because they aren't going to die soon. the funeral company wants you to pay in for as long as possible before they have to pay out. People in their 80s have either already thought about their funeral or are a poor risk because they might actually die shortly after starting the scheme, so better to try to recruit the younger people.

Bekabeech · 17/07/2018 09:42

YANBU
When DH turned 50 our youngest was at Primary school. When I turned 50 we had 2 teenagers and one nearly teen.
As a family we laugh at DH getting Ads for retirement homes - we are really 20 years at least from needing that kind of accommodation. And retirement age is now 67+.

Most people I know are in a similar position.

HRTpatch · 17/07/2018 09:41

Nothing wrong with getting funeral plans in place. Then you can get on with life!!!!

Bluelady · 17/07/2018 09:40

You might have done, Rosstac, I don't think I was ever that rude and judgemental. When I was young I was too busy worrying about what I looked like to worry about older women's fashion choices. Just like now really.

Rosstac · 17/07/2018 09:39

Undercoverbanana Why are we all going to be working into are 70’s , you’ve had years to plan for it, Why work when you good be using your free time to do the stuff you want ie those cinema deals

Rosstac · 17/07/2018 09:36

Bluelady Oh come on how many times when you were young out with with your friends, yes you all laugh and took the mickey at the older lady dress up, trying to look young, yes you know the type, mutton dressed as lamb, you all said I’ll be dead before doing that.

TheClitterati · 17/07/2018 09:27

My younger sister is a grandmother though

TheClitterati · 17/07/2018 09:25

I'm 50. My dc are 7 & 10.

Advertising goes completely over my head. I tend to avoid most of it anyway, but very little age targeted stuff has any relevance to my life.

We need a club or association of some kind. Grin

Undercoverbanana · 17/07/2018 09:23

I am 50.

I can run a 3.40 marathon.

I am going to be working into my 70s (we all are, let’s face it).

I don’t have grandchildren but my DCs are adults and no longer live with me.

I have an amazing life - swimming, cycling, trekking, wild camping, fell running.

I am a size 8 and am solid. Not the flabby, waddling way 50 year olds are portrayed as.

I shop at Boohoo.com and Asos. I am supposed to be M&S and Next territory by my Mum thinks the stuff in there is crap and she’s 75.

Yet in the media I am portrayed as frail and narrow-minded.

My local gym has over-50 activities. They are all in the daytime Mon-Fri when most people are at work and the photos show 80 year olds walking round a badminton court and swimming with their heads out of the water. I was quite excited about the cinema deals for over 50s but again, they are all in the working day.

It’s quite offensive and a bit crap, but it’s best to rise above it.

Singlenotsingle · 17/07/2018 09:21

I'm 66 and not leaking anywhere! Not interested in care homes or funeral plans, stair lifts or dentures. I do have a soft spot for the odd garden centre though. My friend also 66, went scuba diving last week! Gotta go now, off to meet my fancy man! Wink

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 17/07/2018 09:15

My generation started the rave culture.

But we're also the generation of goth and grunge, so yes, beige slacks are not on the horizon, but planning your own funeral does sound like a great way to spend a Saturday evening. Then again, I've been planning mine since the age of about 15.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 17/07/2018 09:06

YANBU. I love the idea they have that as soon as you hit 50 you are about to retire. Fat chance! Most of us will be working to our graves anyway.

SugarIsAmazing · 17/07/2018 09:03

I'm 38 and have grandchildren. I'll probably be a great grandmother at fifty 😂

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/07/2018 08:59

Butterfly, but isn't that the point? In your nursing home they tend to play the music that the residents used to listen to when they were 'in their formative years'? Like my very elderly aunt (in her 90's) home has tea-dances and similar, with wartime music played, because it's the music her generation relates to?

I didn't realise they were going to play me up-to-date music...(dashes off to brush up on hip-hop, so as to be able to enjoy the care home).

Bluelady · 17/07/2018 08:57

Dear God, that horrible phrase "mutton dressed as lamb" is a disgrace. People should dress exactly as they like without being judged by anyone else. Forgive me if I don't wear a beige anorak and my leopard print coat makes you feel uncomfortable, I don't give a stuff and nor should anyone else.

dudsville · 17/07/2018 08:46

For all those swaying their generation started the rave culture, this always makes me think about the rock n rollers, the beats, the punks, the 70s weird metal space music stuff. They've all had to deal with youth seeing them as old establishment fogeys most interested in the sale on fixadent.

Rosstac · 17/07/2018 08:40

Oliversmumsarmy But even you can surely agree there is nothing worse than seeing mutton dressed as lamb, it’s embarrassing to people around you and embarrassing to yourself, why not embrace your graceful decline into old age and enjoy it.

butterflysugarbaby · 17/07/2018 08:37

@Zaphod do you realise that the Sex Pistols Pretty Vacant will be very old fashioned music by the time you die? It would be like someone playing Glenn Miller in the 1990's Grin

Anyhoo, I am kind of with the OP and most others, but I do disagree with the funeral plans bit. I think it's selfish to say 'I will be dead so I won't care' because you are ultimately leaving your loved ones with the financial burden of your funeral, that can run into the middle 4 figures (4 grand-ish..) And THAT is for a 'basic' one.

Unless you want the council to give you a 'paupers' funeral. If so, you will get incinerated with dozens of other people, your family won't know when it will happen, they won't be allowed there anyway, they won't be allowed the ashes from the cremation, and there will be no grave or resting place.

If you DON'T want to pay into a funeral plan (and they are a bit expensive,) then at LEAST put 3 or 4 grand away, so your family doesn't have to suffer the financial burden!

I ALSO get sick of the over 50's ads though. As someone said earlier, many people are at LEAST 70 on the 'over 50's ads.' I am just gone 50, and don't look 21, but (like many people around my age,) I don't look any older than my age. I certainly do not look 70 with silver hair, beige slacks and a pinny! And I don't sit there knitting and listening to Jim Reeves!

I have (most of) my own teeth, I am only just starting to go a tiny bit grey at the temples (and it's not noticeable coz I am blonde!), I don't pee when I cough, sneeze, or laugh, I cycle and swim and go for long walks, and on holiday abroad once a year with my husband.

I also love current music (Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift, Lana DelRey, Little Mix, Justin Bieber, Camilla Cabello, George Ezra, Adele,) and also early noughties stuff too (as well as stuff from my childhood which was the 1970's not the fucking second world war!) Hmm

Me and my husband laugh when we see over 50's cruises, and adverts for other things over 50's NEED....., you know, like denture glue, beds that help you get out of bed, walking frames, tena pads, baths with doors in them, plastic surgery, (coz we all want to try to look 21 at 50 don't we?!) Confused ) What makes us laugh is the 1920's & 1930's music playing, like Great Gatsby! It was nearly the 1970's when some people in their early to mid 50's were born FFS!

Oh and I am NOT a babyboomer! Hmm I am Generation X!

Finally, I disagree that many people in their 50's have primary school children. Some do sure, but as a few people have said upthread, it is 'not the norm.' I certainly agree that if you are around 50, it's fairly common to not have grandchildren, but it IS fairly UNcommon to have small children at 50.

I can count on the fingers of one hand, the amount of women I have ever known - or met - who have had kids over the age of 43-44. And I have only known ONE have one at 48. By IVF actually. She is 50 now and said she actually regrets it as it's killing her. She said it's SUCH hard work, and she never sleeps, and she has no energy.

She already had 2 in her early 20's (who have kids themselves now!) but she had one because her new boyfriend (10 years younger than her) wanted one. He is 40, he has a very hectic professional career, he is rarely home, and she is doing it all almost entirely by herself.

By the time her baby is in their mid to late teens, she will be an elderly woman. I don't envy her at all. And to be honest, I do feel a bit sorry for the child. When they start school, everyone will think she is their grandmother! They can't NOT think it really!

Have to admit, hell would have had to freeze over before I would have had a baby over the age of 40. Had mine in my mid to late 20's and wouldn't change a thing. I know some people say 'we can still do everything people do without babies - even with a baby/toddler in tow,) but you really can't.

MN really is a parallel universe sometimes, as there seems to be SO many people on here claiming to know lots of women having babies at 45-50. Yet IRL, I have known 2 in 50-odd years. The one who had IVF and had her baby the year before last, and one who had one at 47 - natural conception, and the baby had lots of issues that I won't go into on here.

Suffice to say though, (re the one who had a baby at 47- by natural conception,) that it aged the woman by 10 years within the first year of the baby's life, and made her quite ill, and her husband (the baby's father) left her (and the child) when the child was 3, as he couldn't take anymore, and she was left to cope alone.