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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not being grateful that my SMP will be for 9 months this time round, after dd2 was sb last year?

32 replies

willywonka · 28/05/2007 14:56

Clearly over the moon to be expecting again but if one more person mentions the bonus of having an additional 3 months SMP that I wouldn't have "enjoyed" if dd2 had survived, I think I may get violent. Oh, that's right, thirteen weeks of extra money is really going to make up for losing my dd2 at 34 wks

OP posts:
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Lolly68 · 29/05/2007 16:50

I hope you have dropped these people out of your life... what an awful thing to say.

veruccasalt · 29/05/2007 16:45

It's totally crass and insensitive IMHO. I wouldn't waste time being acquaintances with such folk.

helenhismadwife · 29/05/2007 16:43

So sorry to hear about your awful loss and lovely to hear you are expecting again.
I am so shocked that people are being so insensitive I wouldnt blame you for getting violent or at the very least being quite rude to them

Mindles · 29/05/2007 12:07

Commiserations and congratulations.

Next time someone does say that, why not say "Yes you are absolutely right, now I can stop grieving, thank god you pointed that out". I suspect that would shut them up. If it didn't, then by god they must be absolutely shameless.

hotchocscot · 29/05/2007 12:04

am totally with everyone else on a good slapping for the total tw*ts who could think let alone say something like that. In fact, I find an old rugby sock filled with coins swung round the back of the head usually gets the message across in a succinct fashion.

IcingOnTheCake · 29/05/2007 11:56

That is awful! People say the most stupid things at the most inopertune times.

lionheart · 29/05/2007 11:51

That is truly awful. YANBU.

The slap is a good idea.

MrsJohnCusack · 29/05/2007 07:43

F*ing hell

it never ceases to amaze me what people think it's acceptable to say.

congratulations though

twentypence · 29/05/2007 05:52

I've heard people say "these things happen for a reason" but I never thought they would regard an extra 3 month's money as a "reason".

People can be weird and horrible can't they?

NoBiggy · 28/05/2007 23:08

!

Do people's heads really work like that???

agnesnitt · 28/05/2007 23:03

willywonka, you have full permission to bitchslap the next person who says that. Honestly, the idiocy of some people!

Condolences for the loss you suffered last year, and congratulations on your current news. Chances are you're in turmoil, but life is a mare like that.

Take care.

Agnes

jenwa · 28/05/2007 22:22

that is so insensitive. Cant believe why people are like that.
Congrats on your pregnancy and sorry for the loss of your dd.

Emprexia · 28/05/2007 22:15

Good grief, who on earth is insensitive enough to make a comment like that?? I have AS and not even i'm that tactless.

Hon, i'm so sorry for your loss, congrats on the new pregnancy and lots of good wishes for it all to be healthy and happy.

Please feel free to smack the next person who dares say something like that to you!!

TigerFeetFormerlyCheesyFeet · 28/05/2007 20:05

How awful for you willywonka

Please rest assured that reasonable people don't think that way.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Caroline1852 · 28/05/2007 20:01

What a dreadful thing to think, let alone say. I am staggered. Congratulations on your pregnancy and very very sorry to hear about the terribly sad loss of your daughter.

Aitch · 28/05/2007 19:49

oh jesus, willywonka, that's a terrible thing to say. i'm really surprised that people could possibly be so insensitive. i'm so sorry for the loss of your wee girl, and congratulations on your new pregnancy. hoping it will be utterly uneventful and boring beyond belief for you...

DollyPopsOut · 28/05/2007 19:46

Bloody hell! Of course you are not being unreasonable. What a dreadfully crass thing to say. I am so sorry for your loss

Congratulations on your news - I hope you have a good pregnancy.

poppy34 · 28/05/2007 18:29

willywonka- sorry for your lost and I'm so pleased that you are expecting again but I think yanbu unreasonable to punch anyone who says that - just dreadful.

YeahBut · 28/05/2007 17:36

No, YANBU. And I can't believe that anyone is insensitive enough to make that kind of thoughtless comment.

kiskidee · 28/05/2007 17:14

sometimes people disconnect their brain then open their mouths.

NomDePlume · 28/05/2007 17:04

I can understand people talking about the extra 3 months 'bonus' SMP, but not in relation to the loss of your DD. That is just terrible

DixiePixie · 28/05/2007 17:02

"no" not "know"

DixiePixie · 28/05/2007 17:01

Congratulations on expecting again, wonderful news, but so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine how it must have been for you and how you must still be feeling.

I guess some people just don't know what to say in the face of another person's bereavement and feel they have to find something "positive" to say in order to make everything "seem better" - but honestly, what a bloody stupid, insensitive thing to say! Sometimes it is really better to say nothing - and this is definitely one of those times, so know, of course you are not being unreasonable.

Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 28/05/2007 15:57

Some people really havent a clue a bet most of the people have no kids ahh What a terrible thing to happen but am glad you have good news

ThomCat · 28/05/2007 15:57

You mean that more than one person has been so unbelievably stupid and insensitive. I'm shocked that 1 person could have even had sucha thought, let alone say it out loud, and it's happened more than once. Sweet Jesus., I don't think you should hold back if nayone thinks to say this out loud in your presence again. I'm so sorry that idiots have stumbled into your path.