Mother in law wants to buy next door

😬😬

If she buys it, definitely start writing a book / blog / column then you can retire to Caribbean on the proceeds.

You know the problem is your DH not your MIL, right?

Put your house on the market, quick!

I'm sorry op, but I couldn't help but laugh when I read you post - it's like the plot for a sitcom.
I love my MIL, from a distance. I'd be mortified if she moved in next door.
Best of luck ()

Nightmare situation! Even if you had the model MIL this would not be ideal. Next door is just far too close

@ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3

You are either someone with adult children who has pushed your way into their home and not taken no for an answer.

OR

You are an adult who has never grown up, and needs to be near really near mommy.

No other explanation to be happy to have your mother living with you.

Have to agree that some mothers of sons are the worst. Horribly possessive and demanding, and think no woman is good enough for their precious son. (Not all, but some...)

Hell would freeze over before I would let my MIL move next door to me ... fuck that.

As has been said, if she is not happy being 5 minutes away, she has plans to be in your life 24/7, in your home, in your business, and in your face.

Be firm, and tell your husband 'no fucking way!'

I don't agree that you can't tell her not to live there. You can't legally prevent it but you can defiantly exercise some soft power.

You need to get hb on side. If he tells her not to buy it because you (plural) don't want her living there, surely she wouldn't. Especially if you escalate it to threats of moving yourself if necessary.

Why not outbid her and buy the house as a btl

My MIL staying in our house for a month is the closest we have ever been to divorce. It was truly truly awful.

For me, living next door would be the death knell for our marriage, because my dh is not able to set boundaries for his mum unless I actually threaten to move out. Im not willing to be out in that position more than I absolutley have to because it is really really ard and upsetting to feel so let down by a partner, even though when push comes to shove he figures it out and gets her to back off a bit.

If your dh is onside and capable o fretting and enforcing boundaries without you having to threaten to leave, then maybe, just maybe it might work.

Otherwise, big enormous NO. Total deal breaker. I adore my dh and our marriage and life, but I would leave out of sheer self preservation. It's like being erased in my own home when she gets too comfortable beign around our place. Not one iota of respect for my privacy or boundaries, and it breaks me every time.

When the house next door to us came up for sale it was my idea for MIL to buy it. It was the perfect solution for all of us. No more travelling to visit her being a big pull although obviously that's not the case here.

MIL only came into ours for Christmas Day (her choice)
My boys spent hours and hours with her when they were small, she taught them how to play cards and board games, fed them biscuits and generally made them very happy indeed. As they got older they went regularly to tell her about their schools, friends, sports. She loved it and really felt like part of their lives. DH spent 30/60 mins there each night, watching tv and chatting with her or doing odd jobs. I dropped in and out during the day (work from home) for a natter, or a moan about her son, or to talk over stuff with her. We looked after her when she needed it and she was kind and generous to us always.

We got the use of her garden (we grew veggies and had a greenhouse there), her double garage (she didn't drive) and two extra parking spaces.

It can work for everyone if you have a decent relationship. My children never crossed the line between her rules and mine, and not having to leave home for a week or weekend to visit her was a huge chunk of time we got back.

Hehehe

It's funny how so many people are horrified at something that is common in many places... No judgment, just a comment! I don't think I'd feel too bad about it to be honest. I wouldn't mind either my MIL or my parents living very close. Having said that they are all v good at respecting boundaries.
But if u don't want to then just be clear with the husband!

Get planning permission NOW. Your dead neighbour won't object.

@SoyDora
You can't deny there is MIGHTY MIL hate on MN.

I read it, quite often from the mothers of young sons.
The irony totally goes over their head because they think they'll do it differently.
Because, of course, every mother of a son who turns out to be the MIL from Hell, is injected with an 'I'll be a cunt' strain of humanity, the second she gives birth to the love of their life.

sunshine

I wouldn’t want to live next door to my mum/ MIL/ son when he is grown up. Nor would I want to live in the next street. I believe adults need their space and independence, some of us more than others.

Sounds awful tbf

Oh dear op I get on with my dil and I got on with my mil but next door sounds way too close.

But I don’t know what you can do as you can’t stop her buying the house next door.

Just get straight onto Rightmove and start researching other properties. Get a few estate agents in to do one of those "free valuations" they are always trying to flog. Make it clear to your husband that you will not be living next door to his mother.

I'm all in favour of spending time with grandparents but she must be insane to suggest this, unless she comes from some culture where it is normal for a widow to move in with her son's family,

I don't see how you can stop her, but I'd be equally horrified. To be fair she only lives a street away as it is, so it's all just different circles of hell really.

Sunshine

Made me laugh too

It's a hard one, you give the impression she is quite needy and has already suggested that she would like to live with you under one roof. Not a good idea and you have already told her that. Now the second best thing has presented itself and clearly you can't stop her purchasing the house next door. I think you need to spell it out to your husband how potentially damaging this could be to your marriage and then, either with him, or without him, as diplomatically as possible put that to your mil. Unless the husband and wife welcome it, and depending on how independent the parent in law is, potentially it could be a disasterous scenario particularly as it would leave you with such a festering resentment towards both your husband and his mother. Ultimately if they don't see your point of view, suggest that he moves into the bungalow with his mother and you and the kids stay in the house. See how that grabs them

My mum bought the house next door to us and it has worked really well! My DH and her get on fine although sometimes he can get a little irritated as my mum is very set in her ways but we wanted her nearer to us (she originally lived about 2 hours away) but she lived on her own and was very lonely. She was only 60 when she moved here and I was pregnant with my DS. She cared for him when I went back to work (we paid her as she had given up her job when she moved) and she was fab with him. Her and my DS (18) are still very close and she still insists on cooking his lunch if he is home and I'm not around 🙄

It has been a godsend these last couple of months as she had some health issues so I have been on hand to help her when she had to go into hospital. We often have her over for Sunday lunch but apart from that she likes to be independent. She goes abroad with my sister for a couple of weeks in the summer which gives us all a break from each other.

Having just gone through 2 years of having to do a 4 hour round trip once a week to visit my DH's very elderly parents, who have now sadly passed on I feel very lucky.

I get this set up isn't for everyone but it really can work sometimes.

No. I’m sure they wouldn’t. I was responding your comment about MIL hate on mumsnet. You don’t have to hate someone to not want to live next door to them