Mother in law wants to buy next door

As a MIL who has two families living close by. I would not want to live any closer. I love them all dearly, but do not want to know their comings and goings, nor them mine. I do not want to hear private arguments which happen in all relationships.

Oh dear, it looks like he's choosing his mother over you, I would ask him if this is true? If so, then you have some serious thinking to do as to where the relationship is going next I'm afraid. I really feel for you OP

I would tell DH "if she moves in I'll be moving out do you'll have to sell up anyway"

Do you know the neighbour's inheritor's at all? Any chance you could bribe ask them not to sell to her? They can sell to whoever they like. Fingers crossed they are on MN and would understand!

Put your house up for sale and ask your mil if she wants to buy it 😂

do you think this could end your marriage?if this has gotten this far you need to sit with him.and tell this to him straight.exactly where this will end.if you want to make your marriage last either one of you will have to work round the end result here.you if she moves and him if he makes sure she doesn't.but to be together you can manage this but it will be lots of discussion and give and take I think.but that seomthing you both need to have and sooner rather than later before you both get in too deep with this and feeling start getting more and more hurt.

If I was you'd I would emigrate

Dear God, there are some nasty people on here tonight.

Agree @pebblespony

There is something very odd about a woman who desperately wants to live next door to her adult son and daughter in law, when she only lives 5 minutes away anyway. It suggests she is controlling and needy.

There is something even MORE odd about a man who needs his mother next door (or even worse, LIVING with him and his wife and kids... shudder )

@ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3

I am sitting watching the sun go down on my property, savings in the bank, not a penny owed to the world, planning my trip to Paris to meet my son's DP.

Yeah, we believe you!!! 😂😂😂

See, you can calm down when you try can't you hun?

Totally calm @Lavendargreen

Sitting watching the sun go down on my property, savings in the bank, not a penny owed to the world, planning my trip to Paris to meet my son's DP.
You OK hun?

Oh god. This makes my blood run cold. We lived with the PIL for a while waiting to move into our new house and I can hardly speak to MIL as a result.

Your DH is not backing you up here. Thats a big problem. If she stays where she is, she's hardly in outer Mongolia, is she? Presumably he can still pop in every day, multiple time if he wants to.

@ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3

The fact that the vast majority of posters on here agree with the OP, and would rather drink their own vomit than have their MIL living next door to them, shows you are talking parp, you are being unreasonable, and you are in a very very very tiny minority.

And so angry. Calm down.........

I am praying that the lady next door to me sells so i CAN move my in laws in! Alright, they can be annoying and their age and values are slightly different.

But they pick up the kids while i am working, they are willing to get glitter and glue out where i am not, they iron for me, they spend hours with the kids when i'm not able to.

I would love it! It would make things easier! No driving for them, the kids could pop over and back whenever without the need for me to be there, my eldest could be left alone as they were next door, if one of them needed to cool off they could watch tv with nan. Brilliant.

I'm very aware that i'll be the ones caring for my in laws, and having them next door will make this much, much easier for us all.

I'm lucky in that my in laws are kind lovely people ( that's not to say i could live with them. In my youth and new motherhood i was very defensive and stupid and they were insensitive). But i can live very near them with clear boundaries. It's better! My own mother guilt trips me into visits which are awkward and awful. It's much better to pop in regularly and briefly and griw the love than visit and feel the imposition.

Plus, when you've been together yonks you kind of get the mil onside....

Are you sure he knows you really mean to follow through if it does happen, OP? I'm with you - less over my cold dead body, more please start planning for 50% custody and maintenance. Your DH is a prize pillock. Really.

@ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3

Why are you so angry?

Did I hit a raw nerve?

Calm down.

No way I would be threatening divorce!

I'd be emigrating. But then I loathe my MiL and we are NC. Pre NC we lived around 3 miles away which was more than enough. My own DM lives 5 mins drive away but she has more boundaries than I do so I know she wouldn't impose.

Well , I think that if anyone is jealous of their MIL, you're using her as a target for other insecurities.
What if he just said 'Fuck her. Who gives a shit?'
Me? I would think what a cunt to be so dismissive of his mother.

OP I would never be dictated to, or have a debate about a red-line issue.
Tell your DH that you will not have her living next door.
Tell him so that he knows you mean it.

Then do it, make it happen.
It's your life.
Do it.

she stayed with us for a month. We came close to splitting up over it and I had to pack her bag for her and ask her to leave. I have told husband how much of a threat to our marriage this is. He stands firm that it suits him to have her there... i am livid!!!

Omfg, I bet you are. That really sucks. My dh did at least come round when I said she could stay but I would have o leave I feel she did.

Here's how I present it when it comes round, which it does now and again (not about movin gnext door, but just being at our house all the fuckign time day in day out)

You want to see your mum, that's great and fine, go for it, but please not here because when she is here a lot I feel stifled and intruded on

Then he says it's better at our house because it's comfy etc.

Then I say that's ok then, if you really feel you can't see her somewhere else and it absolutely has to be here that's fine but I will be moving out for x amount of days to be tsome space. I will do that because I love yu an Douro marriage anvalue my sanity, so I'd rather do that than break all of the lovely life We have together.

I really mean it to, and have gone as far as checking rooms in a youth hostel nearby for me, and given him the option of kids stay with him or come with me.

This has done the trick every time so far of getting through to him how seriously I a man suffering, and that I won't jus tell Ke tit happen because he's too blind to it to ask his mum to back off a bit.

The stupid thing is she's fine about it, but he always encourages her to come more and more an d more until I be ttowards breaking point, and round we go again.

I'm hoping to get to a point where if I mention yha it will be enough!

We came close to splitting up over it and I had to pack her bag for her and ask her to leave. I have told husband how much of a threat to our marriage this is. He stands firm that it suits him to have her there... i am livid!!!

I'm going to say it again: the issue between you and your husband is much more serious and important to deal with than the issue with your mil. He needs to start listening to you and taking you seriously.

He obviously does not believe it is a threat to your marriage.

I suspect he believes you will moan but do fuck all else.

Can you remind him of times you had a strong disagreement about something and you did what you wanted anyway, to remind him that you are not making idle threats?

@lavendargreen

You couldn't be more wrong.
I have two sons.

Oldest is gay, youngest has profound LD and autism.

Oldest son has just, at 33, begun his first long term relationship, he lives in my old marital home, my ex and I gave it to him.

My mother is dead, I nursed her at home until her death, she was a warrior but endured Alzheimer's.
My MIL...My DP is an only child, he worked, I was already a carer for my son, I absorbed her problems into my life, because she was kind and so am I.
FIL had dementia and at 93 she found herself on her own.

I helped her.
If she'd lived next door it would have been easier.

When she died we inherited her house and land.

DP would have inherited whether I helped her or not. The fact that we both loved and helped her makes a difference.

Really needs to be near Mommy?
Fuck off and get some life experience.

My MIL is really lovely, and I love her to bits, but I wouldn't want her living next door. I value my privacy too much and tbh, I think DP would feel the same. I wouldn't like the thought of her hearing us arguing (very rare), shagging (not so rare, thankfully), burping and farting. I don't like the idea of her knowing that some weekends I stay in my pyjamas all day and rarely do housework.

Plus the racist, sexist BIL would come and visit.

OTOH, she'd probably do the garden and walk the dog .... maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Anyway, it'll never happen. Nice SIL & BIL have just trebled the size of their house, and are building an annexe on it too, so she can go and live there if she needs to be near one of her kids.

I and my MiL weren't particularly close but I think this sounds a very sensible idea! Having never lived close to any relation on either side since graduating, I would find it quite convenient and better than long journeys to see them.
But I would insist on boundaries - no entering each others house uninvited etc
Good luck however it works out.