To expect DH's ex to tell us when DSD has head lice?

God that must be such a PITA.

That does sound a bit neurotic to me tbh, having to cancel a playdate at the first sign of a sniff. Do they keep their kids off school as well?

It's deff a fair bit about the adults....
unfotunately at the children's expense

nkf, I think it's both. I personally am distressed by nits as a concept, but also from a health point of view. My dsd had bleeding and scabs and bald spots from scratching her nits, poor thing. And the sad thing is that in her case, part of the reason that her mother didn't treat them was to use them as a way of getting at me and dh. I know that the vast majority of mothers are not as evil as dh's ex, but clearly it can be used as a tool and it's disrespectful to not consider how others feel about it.
Although, having said that, I agree that sometimes you just don't know that it's going to bother someone else .... the first time, after that it's just disrespectful. When I first moved from the uk to california with my 2 little ones, I didn't not realize that if your child had a runny nose or even a mild cold, you would be expected to cancel a playdate, or at least give the other parent a chance to do so. I didn't find this to be the case in the uk.

NKF I have a sneaking suspicion it's about the adults. No-one can get this uptight about lice can they, except perhaps the first time they encounter them

How can you possibly have been spending £30 a month? A bottle of conditioner costs £1 and three or four times a week should be enough to get lice under control. What do you mean by "proper stuff"?

I lways ask sd now when she comes to stay.....and i offer to check hers (she's 16 now) when i do my 2 dd.
She's never offended and nearly always takes me up on the offer,(find it really hard to do her own)

cat64, I don't think it's luck at all. I spend 10-20 minutes everyday checking and tying up my dd's hair...(ds has a skinhead), and as a virtually single (my dh lives in another country at the moment) working mother with 2 young children, that's a lot of time for me!!
Saying that there is a problem in the home where sd lives isn't judgemental, it's reality. The reality being that no matter how much combing and treating happens on the weekends, it's not going to make a difference because the re-catching happens in the home where she lives during the week. And that's where the problem needs to be resolved. And yes, maybe it isn't resolvable as it sounds like in your case. But in some cases (like my own and scorpio1's) it is resolvable when the issue of when the issue of where and how it's being contracted and not treated is dealt with.

Seriously though - are all these arguments about lice between exes and current spouses really about the relationship between the adults? It all sounds a bit petty to me so I'm assuming there must be more to it. Or do some people get really distressed by lice?

well the suggestion worked for us and TBH we were spending close to £20-£30 per month sometimes!
I know the oil thing works and the conditioner thing BUT DSD was infested and EX was combing through once a week! In the end i had to tell EX that if she used proper stuff once then combed every other day it would be fine and luckily it has been ever since!!!
Must say though a 14 year old with nits is not right!

I agree completely Kaishay. My sd didn't want to say once, her mujm dropped her off and could have mentioned it....in fact she said to dsd...don't worry, it will be ok!!!

i questioned sd then and she shrugged it off.
days later i spot a louse crawling down sd's forehead.

Took me a week to get rid of them for her... and then sort the rest of us out.

Why couldn't her mum have had aquick word?

Doh!

sorry, bit of a rant there

bonkerz - thats a good idea....

...we had a leeter home from reception recently saying if they have nits keep them at home.

...thought ...suspect ... reading betwen lines, not all parents are treatingt them and a couple of kids constantly infected is spreading to the rest of the class.

Funny how we all thought it was a younger child. I thought nit infestations pretty much stopped when children reached teens. That said, I caught them from my daughter.

Sorry but I've just clocked that she's 14

In that case, it's her own responsibility to do her own hair imo. At least it will be my DD's when she's that age.

Cat64 - I think you're right. Some children seem more prone to them than others.

Vegetable oil, or conditioner and a comb will work, but only if you do it for hours every day for at least 3 weeks (life span of the bugs) and then do weekly checks thereafter. Lack of money is not an excuse.

14!!!!! I was assuming you were talking about a much much younger child (4-8). That's pretty unusual for a child that age to get nits. Is there a younger child in the home? If not, once they are dealt with properly seems unlikely that she should catch them again. Nits don't jump, they walk from head to head. Or hairbrush to head. 14 year olds don't play with their heads together, so probably didn't happen that way, but they do share hairbrushes and hats, so maybe she needs reminding of how you catch nits.
And agree with lizziemum, at that age she needs to participate in the process. It's not supereasy to comb your own hair, but she could certainly partially do it. And you could ask her to check your hair in return for checking hers (maybe that will engage her a bit more). And at 14 she can open her own mouth and tell you herself that she has nits herself...shouldn't be entirely on the mom.

I am in the usa...and like in the uk kids don't get excluded from state school for nits, but they do from private school and nurseries. But even at state school, if they discover that a child has nits, they are required to send a note home informing all the parents that nits are present in the classroom.

Definately NOT being unreasonsable. I have also been through this.

DSD would turn up here EVERY weekend with NIts and EVERY weekend we would treat her and also us. Was costing us a small fortune. We would always inform EX immediately that we had treated DSD and she was clear BUT EX other dayught would still have them and DSD would just get reinfected!!!!!

In the end we told EX that if DSD turned up with nits again we would deduct the money we were spending from maintenance! VOILA DSD has been nit free ever since!!

DSD used to say mummy knew she had nits but just used vegetable oil and a comb on a sunday night!!! That obviously didnt work!

juuule

My DD is at pre school and part of the consitution is that if your children has or is found to have then they will ring you to collect them and to keep them away until they have cleared up. I have used a tea tree shampoo and conditioner on dd and so far we have been clear of then.

Kaishay

I have to say reading your profile as your SD is 14 isn't she old enough to sort her own hair, rather then the mother.

This happens to me regularly.

we comb his hair and use lice shampoo. Once, i asked her why, and it turned out she couldnt afford the shampoo,despite our maintenance arrangement, and couldnt go to the docs because of her working hours. she had no-one else. We bought her some and she used it, to her credit. We have politely said that we would just like to be told if he has/has recently had headlice because of the other dcs.that is her responsability, if she knows they have them.

i know how exasperating this is....

basically, i think if you seee them on her whilst she is with you, its also your responsability - she is yours too.

Also some people are more relaxed about nits than others. To be honest, I never realised until I came on MN that it was considered reasonable to be cross that someone hadn't told you their kids had them before a playdate.

I think making headlice in children a bone of contention between ex and current spouses is an unpleasant thing to do. Whatever she is doing, I would try to rise above it.

And just to respond to what others have said...it's one thing if it happens once and yes, your dh should take her and do the combing himself. But if it keeps happening then there is a problem in the house where sd is residing that needs to be resolved.
And in any case it's completely unacceptable that his ex did not let you know that she had them. Sounds completely purposeful to me.
I have a 4 year old dd and her hair is always tied up when she is at school or around other chidlren and I regularly check her for nits. She has never caught them and if she did, I would certainly know about it and deal with it long before it became a major problem. Nits are not hard to get rid of if you are diligent about checking for them and do the hard work to comb them out instead of just spraying a bit of mousse and thinking that's going to do all the work for you (what dh's ex did).

Hedrin and similar treatments can be used in pregnancy. I have neices with long, tight curly hair. Their mother has no problem getting a nit-comb through it when covered in conditioner. Perhaps you could try that.