Socks for my 40th Birthday

YADNBU - that is shit. Absolutely no thought or effort from him. Maybe he is caught up in the whirlwind of a new baby but that's no excuse for him not being able to spend a few minutes thinking of something more thoughtful. What he say when you spoke to him?

I don't think you're being a spoiled brat. You actually are entitled to have some expectations that your husband will make a bit of a fuss for your birthday and get you something you'll like. It's not that socks are inexpensive that's the issue, it's that they are the most thoughtless, low effort gift ever.

I'm glad he finally accepted that socks for your birthday present was a mistake. Good on you for getting through to him. Hopefully you will get a lovely surprise. I don't agree with people who say you should have to tell your dp exactly what present you want in order to get a thoughtful gift, unless there is something very specific you want. Being surprised by a thoughtful gift is part of the spirit of giving and receiving gifts. As they say it's the thought that counts. If you've been in a relationship with someone for a while and you love them then it's reasonably expected that you would put a little thought and effort into their gift. You really shouldn't have to be told. If you've been in a relationship long enough you should know them well enough to have some ideas of what they'd like.

Happy birthday!
Good on you for telling him. That helps him out loads. Next time he has no excuse, but next time for you too remember to tell people what you want.
No one is good at guessing. It’s ok to say I want ...... and then feel sad if no one went to any effort to get that.
It wasn’t the best birthday no but hey I’ve learned that life with babies and older kids is busy. If you say you don’t want anything for your birthday people take you seriously. Next time too buy what you want and wrap it for yourself. It takes a few birthdays for people to see there are things you do want and people (dh) will start making more of an effort. And your kids get older and want to make it special too. Maybe your dh needs some training. ( Not all boys are taught how to treat someone well.)
By the way I like buying myself presents. I know what I want and I make sure my family give it to me and they also surprise me with gifts that they chose and that I often like. So it’s a win-win. It will get better.

My DH was useless on my 30th. Newish baby and he didn't book anything, do anything and I cannot remember what the pressie was. I didn't have any food in so I think he nipped out to the village shop to get something grim.

I'd done a big do for his the year before. I think he was lost in the whole post-childbirth fog because he was great before and great since. I've never let him forget it though!

DH seems oddly offended by some Argyll pattern socks I gave him as a stocking filler a few years back. I might start wearing them actually.

This is bringing back memories for me of the Body Shop gift box birthday debacle of 2003 when I was 8 months pregnant.

"I hope you all remember this next time you think about buying socks for your OH's. It's always a reliable conversation with other married men to talk about the times you have been given socks as a present by your wives - most have and on multiple occasions."

Mine only ever wants socks. I always want to buy him something lovely and thoughtful. I always ask what he'd like too. He says "socks. I always need socks." I say "I can't buy you socks! That's a shit present." He says "But it's what I want, it's the only thing I want, please get me some socks." sometimes he'll specify everyday socks or hiking socks or socks with no pattern or no seam across the toe.

So I buy socks. Am I supposed to ignore his stated wishes and NOT buy socks? Have I been doing it wrong all these years?

I bought about a dozen pairs of black socks for my husband - they all washed slightly differently, so we’re a real pain to sort; sort clips became my friends..
One year I didn’t have a birthday card, or a phone call or indeed any mention at all, on my birthday. The cards from my mum and dad, and siblings, came a couple of days later. My husband and my friends just forgot! I spent the whole day expecting a surprise, but nothing happened. That’s what I got for not being fussed about birthdays! I second asking for a medium fuss😀

Worse. I’m not sure what Witsel is!

Happy belated birthday OP. I didn’t think you were being unreasonable with your original posts - the follow ups about his reaction and the row are even Witsel. You deserve better.

Ah fuck another one of these men who thinks their children are their partners children only. You need to make it VERY clear that he is her father and caring for her is as much his responsibility as yours.
It is not a bloody birthday present or 'help'. I feel pissed for you op.

You're working and looking after a small baby. You deserved a thoughtful present, a night out and a bloody big thank you for all you.

On giving men socks - my DH asked for socks for his birthday. He is one of those men takes back anything he doesn't need it isn't exactly as he desires. One year I gave up trying so got him the requested socks and some port. He loved them!

I would still object to socks for my 40th... Mine got a track day and party for his.

He's been very thoughtless and unreasonable. You've just had a baby, it's a milestone birthday and he's acting like you're an acquaintance from uni or something.
Tell him you want to have another birthday meal. Also go with him to the most expensive jewellers in town. As you enter, tell the staff you've just had a baby and just turned 40. Bring out the trays of diamonds forthwith!

He’s an idiot. Make him suffer.

Btw don’t ever describe yourself in such unkind terms again. You are undoubtedly a beautiful woman who has recently had a baby.

Some people are very literal. He may have taken " I don't want any fuss " to the extreme and thought he was doing the right thing. He normally does make a fuss which leads me to think that's that is what's happened here.

But then he would have apologised and promised to make amends, not told OP that him changing baby's napping and holding her while OP did housework was a sign of his affection, and therefor his present to OP! He's a dick!

20 pairs of black socks are great idea it's what I buy and I buy dh huge size but both of us use them 😁. Can't be doing with bloody patterns and odd socks

Op I wonder how much of himself was behind the other gifts.

It's indefensible.
The reasoning and effort behind socks .

Op I had to organise my own 4oth. I would have loved special gift too, I got a book. 🤔.

For Xmas... It was an ugly awful mug.

What utter utter bastards, I'd have been beside myself OP there is no excuse at all for such selfishness.
Make absolutely sure you tell him how upset you are given that you have just born his child and given him the most precious gift ever and also tell him he is a thoughless selfish PRICK and you have never been more upset. he needs to know what he did.
My husband did nothing whatsoever for my 50th and is now my ex husband because that is what happens to thoughtless dick heads.(thanks)

Some people are very literal. He may have taken " I don't want any fuss " to the extreme and thought he was doing the right thing. He normally does make a fuss which leads me to think that's that is what's happened here.

(On socks and gifts: My dh asked for 20 pairs of plain black socks last Christmas. But as I said, he doesn't like being celebrated or bought for and he sees gift occasions as times to get something practically needed. For his birthday a couple of months before our wedding he asked for new kitchen bins He knows what would happen if he did similar to me)

What Pa1oma said.
I found these two paragraphs a bit concerning:

'Anyway I spoke to him this morning and it ended in a row. He felt him coming home from work at a reasonable time (7pm) and holding the baby to let me eat dinner, changing nappies or taking her so I can work or do housework was a sign of his affection and love - I say it’s called being a father . I should say I am also working on my maternity leave as well as looking after baby. My office is simply at home and I have the added bonus of a lovely little girl!

I suspect it’s either new father syndrome or he now sees me as a fat puke covered sleep deprived troglodyte and not the woman he married. I think that’s the nun of why I’m so upset - I feel like he’s suddenly treating me very differently to the way he did before I had a baby.'

Tbh it does sound as if he has suddenly started treating you differently and that it's connected to you being a mother now. And what's with the whole attitude of essentially doing you a favour by taking the baby so you can work or do housework? That's not on, and I get a very uncomfortable vibe of how he sees you and your 'role' now, of which the switch from thoughtful jewellery to non-special socks is symbolic. I think you need to tell him this in as plain language as possible, using 'I' sentences - 'I feel you seem to think I am just there to look after the baby and you are doing me a favour when you look after her so I can do other essential things. I feel that the way you got me ordinary socks for my 40th when you used to get me lovely thoughtful gifts has something to do with the way you see me now - as if I'm not worth nice things any more - and I feel hurt by it.' Then I think I would be taking the baby and going out somewhere.

But how did her DH equate 'not a big fuss' into 'I don't need to bother to do fuck all'? Does the OP really have to be so prescriptive?

And I've never given DH socks for his birthday and never would.

He felt him coming home from work at a reasonable time (7pm) and holding the baby to let me eat dinner, changing nappies or taking her so I can work or do housework was a sign of his affection and love - I say it’s called being a father . I should say I am also working on my maternity leave as well as looking after baby.

Wtaf? him holding his own baby so you can do housework was his birthday present?! He sounds a right fuckwit.

Look, if you decide to change the way you do birthdays now, that's something else.

But the problem is, often men like still expect their wife to continue to make a massive fuss for them on their birthdays and milestone birthdays. Don't be that mug OP.