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Original poster

Socks for my 40th Birthday

117 replies

Redheadsturnheads · 01/07/2018 07:10

Sanity check - I have a 15 week old baby so may be being hormonal.

It was my 40th birthday yesterday. I said I didn’t want a big fuss ie I didn’t want a party like I had organised for my husband last year/ didn’t want to go away given we had our daughter christened last week and had over 50 people at that. I did say that I would like to go out for dinner without baby.

So during the week I asked who was babysitting on Saturday - cue blank stare from hubby. Followed by frantic texting to his sisters. He the. Started to call round to book a table - we live in a university town and it’s graduation season. He finally got a table booked. So far so good.

So normally he is really good at thoughtful gifts. Lovely jewellery and often surprises me with little things here and there. He had said that he had only got me something small - the girls in work had been teasing him about a ‘push present’ and I assumed he wanted to make it clear that he had t bought me a diamond the size of my head!!

The night before I opened a card from my parents (we have a difficult relationship at times), there was no message inside at all, not even signed and I was a bit upset. He said I know how to cheer you up - you can open my gift early.

So he hands me my gift. It was one of those moonpig type cards (no handwritten message) with a pair of socks. I genuinely assumed that this was a little gift a sort of amuse bouche before the main gift to be served on my actual birthday.

So no gift or handwritten card that morning. I assumed that ah - it must be coming over dinner....

Meanwhile my parents hadn’t even called to wish me a happy birthday and I was upset over that.

Getting ready to go out for dinner was as fraught as these things are with a 15 week old baby that’s breast fed what with pumping milk; tidying the house so my sil doesn’t call social services etc coupled with the fact that I look like a whale...

Dinner came and went and still no gift. By this stage I’m holding back the tears just desperate to leave the restaurant and he’s oblivious. Got back to the car and just sobbed. Told him it was because I was upset mum and dad hadn’t called because I didn’t want him to think I was being a brat.

He’s normally so thoughtful. I’m upset because my parents are either huffing with me for some unspecified reason or forgot it was my birthday or both and all I got was a pair of f&ckinng socks.

So after my SIL left I told him I was more than a bit upset about the socks and lack of handwritten card and that I felt like a totally unloved fat whale and that I had a miserable 40th birthday. I haven’t slept all night because I feel so unloved.

I should say that I was 20 weeks pregnant on his 40th still manage to organise and host a party for 50 people; get a special cake and organised several nice gifts for him and also arranged a dinner out for just the two of us and felt bad I couldn’t do more because I was flat out with work and o was pregnant....

So am I being an ungrateful brat?

OP posts:
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FlibbertyGibbitt · 19/04/2025 20:35

HannahWhiteSocks · 19/04/2025 20:25

I'd either leave him or I'd only get him cheap ass cards or those shitty 4 for £1 and he'd only get a 99p cheap four rolls of Toilet paper for all of his future Birthdays and I wouldn't ever put myself again out for such a thoughtless wanker.

The op is 47 now so I’d guess they got over it !!! Zombie 🧟 thread

HannahWhiteSocks · 19/04/2025 20:25

I'd either leave him or I'd only get him cheap ass cards or those shitty 4 for £1 and he'd only get a 99p cheap four rolls of Toilet paper for all of his future Birthdays and I wouldn't ever put myself again out for such a thoughtless wanker.

Rosebud21 · 03/08/2024 17:19

Redheadsturnheads · 03/07/2018 16:02

I made the frame of shame and will display it prominently in the downstairs loo so lots of people see it.... I intend to get forty years of mileage out of it. He does feel like sh1t and has apologised but I will make sure he never forgets or repeats the mistake. I’ve already had a friend ask me to do one for her ... although quite how I frame a hoover??! I’ve suggested building it and putting on a plinth!

😂😂👏

Vipsania · 03/08/2024 16:55

What is wrong with people not doing the right thing. When you do give a gift it should be with the intention of showing the person your gifting that they are special and loved. Why bother just getting a pair of socks and with no thought at all of the meaning of the gift? A nice comfy pair of socks is always nice, but let's face it that is a side gift. A nice spa day would be a great new mommy gift for a 40th birthday. I am sorry that you were so hurt. I would also sit with your mother and father and tell them calmy how disappointed you were. I am sorry your family has let you down.

Fruitful1 · 16/04/2022 06:19

My 40th no card, no cake, no special food, no gifts either basically got a big old zéro, his pretext I was suffering from a tooth abscess and had route canal done 3 days before my birthday.

I was so disappointed I went and bought a £2 chocolate gâteau at Tesco it was inadequate but better than kick a teeth so he felt somewhat guilty when he saw how upset I was so he went and bought me a card in Tesco but it said "happy birthday mother" on it. He give it to blank still in its plastic wrapper.

spanishwife · 06/07/2018 11:34

I love the frame! I hope you get the best 41st bday ever

Also - can you plan my birthday for me? What a lucky husband you have

spanishwife · 06/07/2018 11:34

@NotTakenUsername

That sounds like the bare minimum of being a father to me - not an additional effort to show affection and love.

H0lidayzs3arch · 06/07/2018 11:28

Why don't you have a conversation a few months before and decide what you both would like for your birthday example a day out, a meal out, theatre, party, holiday, gift then there are no disappointments

Chocolatelavender · 05/07/2018 09:37

Love the frame of shame, very creative. Does your dh get the humour in it?

NotTakenUsername · 05/07/2018 07:48

He felt him coming home from work at a reasonable time (7pm) and holding the baby to let me eat dinner, changing nappies or taking her so I can work or do housework was a sign of his affection and love - I say it’s called being a father

Isn’t that both?

Loopyloopy · 05/07/2018 07:39

Look, I get that you are upset, but is the framed socks really a good idea? He admitted he was wrong. Move on.

GrumpyInsomniac · 05/07/2018 07:26

I'm glad you've got it sorted out. If it's any comfort I didn't get either a card or a present from DH on my 40th, nor did he even think to get our son to make me one.

He has never repeated his error :)

FoldingStars7 · 05/07/2018 05:41

Sorry you had a crappy 40th, you were not BU at all.
I love the sock frame of shame, that pretty much guarantees you will never have a shit birthday again!

For my DP 30th I booked a lovely trip away, organised a meal with his whole family, worked extra shifts to pay for it all and swapped shifts around when my boss was a pain and wouldn't let me use my annual leave for his birthday, alot of running around and organising but totally worth it as it was a special birthday.

For my 30th Birthday he told me to keep the weekend before free as he had arranged something, the weekend came and went and nothing, the night before my birthday he was 20 mins later home than usual, handed me a bag with a gift of about £15 worth from the shop next door to his work. No effort put in what so ever and I never found out what he was supposed to have arranged.

Jenijena · 05/07/2018 03:47

Yay for The Frame Of Shame.Let it be a warning to husbands everywherrr...

(will you come back next year and tell us about your 41st?)

Jobhunting4 · 04/07/2018 20:00

I’m glad you liked the idea op. It actually looks so much better than I imagined. Loving the card it’s mounted on. You took it to a new level

GenericHamster · 03/07/2018 19:22

I hope he actually sees it as a prompt to make it up to you sooner rather than later

Churrolicious · 03/07/2018 16:54

That sock frame is glorious! I hope it guarantees you more thoughtful presents for the rest of your life!

Original poster
Redheadsturnheads · 03/07/2018 16:02

I made the frame of shame and will display it prominently in the downstairs loo so lots of people see it.... I intend to get forty years of mileage out of it. He does feel like sh1t and has apologised but I will make sure he never forgets or repeats the mistake. I’ve already had a friend ask me to do one for her ... although quite how I frame a hoover??! I’ve suggested building it and putting on a plinth!

OP posts:
runningkeenster · 03/07/2018 15:29

Yes he is a new parent but he knew your birthday was coming - it wasn't a fucking surprise

My husband's 40th birthday was when our ds was about 10 weeks old.

I bought his present several months before, and my mum hid it for me until I needed it.

A bit of forward planning could have avoided the new parent fog.

Socks is just weird. I like socks. I get and give them for Christmas - along with other things. But as a sole gift for a special birthday? Mind-boggling.

zonelight · 03/07/2018 15:02

seeing the picture, well you have a great sense of humour, OP.

maybe your husband does too Smile.

maybe he took you really literally; some people do. only you can know if its just random thoughtlessness or something worse.

veggiethrower · 03/07/2018 14:54

Did he make that or did you?

timeisnotaline · 03/07/2018 14:50

It’s refreshimg to read a thread where the op is able to say This is very double standards and I’m really upset. Also yy to framing the socks! In my experience dh does thoughtless things like this and when you explain it he gets it.... but instantly forgets as he wasn’t the one hurt so does it again. He is getting better but has struggled to think oh I should make up for that-or to retain history if you know what I mean so can do the same thoughtless thing over and over until it becomes one big thing. In your case I would resolve that if it hasnt appeared, in discussions about christmas I’d say oh I don’t know if dh is getting anything from me, he owes me a lovely surprise before I put any effort into gifts for him again. I might pick up some socks...

And he called that a no fuss 40th present you did??! Does he usually expect to be treated like he walks on water??

Original poster
Redheadsturnheads · 03/07/2018 14:35

So this is now In our downstairs loo. Forgiven but at least I should get a bit of entertainment out of it....

Socks for my 40th Birthday
OP posts:
FinallyHere · 02/07/2018 12:18

I am very glad that you have had a good conversation with him now. In the end, that really is the only grown up way to resolve differences and miscommunications. It is important as an adult, to be able to articulate your needs and desires, rather than expecting 'Prince Charming' to be able to guess what you want.

In our case, DH loves a surprise, and says he would rather have a few years of s£#t presents for the occasional glorious perfect surprise, while I get no pleasure in surprises and enjoy the planning and looking forward as much as the actual event. I hate the waste of time and effort that is a not successful surprise... Sigh. It has taken us a good few years, and a few upsets, alongside lots and lots of talking to find a way that works for us.

What matters is being able to talk about things...so well done,

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/07/2018 06:26

coming home from work at a reasonable time (7pm) and holding the baby to let me eat dinner, changing nappies or taking her so I can work or do housework

This would be impressive if it was Dave from two doors down, but for your DH and father of the baby that’s just his job.

I’m sorry he decided to interpret “no fuss” as “no effort”. Make sure you tell the girls at work about the socks.