To not be able to live up to DH's level of romanticness/obsessiveness?

Have you ever argued? What is he like in an argument?

He turned nasty and was doing a lot of emotional blackmail stuff to me

He is already on the emotional blackmail. acting like a kicked puppy because you don't reciprocate his smothering love bombing

And I agree with Brownturkey, it is inexperience in relationships that often is behind this. My bloke that did this had only had one relationship before me (despite being in his 40s) - he had been married and his wife had walked out on him for another bloke. When we started going out he was so insecure it was suffocating. If I didn't want to have sex, he thought I didn't love him. When we were out he was constantly trying to snog me. He told me he loved me really quickly. It was insane but I could also see that he had very little experience in relationships. It's like he hasn't been knocked into shape yet if you know what I mean.

OP - you are tiptoeing around him, not wanting to hurt his feelings, not wanting to say No in case he feels hurt, whether that is to you reading a book, not wanting sex, not wanting cuddles, not wanting to look at photos to each other for hours...

Time to start standing up for yourself. IF he feels hurt by this, well, tough. He needs to learn, and fast, that you do not want these things just because he does.

And if he gets angry, or starts manipulating you - into answering all his texts/calls within a certain time otherwise 'you don't love me' for example - then run.

Sorry OP, that’s sounds fucking awful and I’d have to end it.

I have gone out with someone like this and it is utterly bizarre and in the end, you stop fancying them because you just can't find them attractive.

I do think it is born out of insecurity. He has become obsessed with you, the idea of you and him being in love, the idea of you being the provider of the family he so desperately desires. He's not listening to you because he can't hear it. This perfect image he has created can't be threatened so he has shut out everyone else.

He needs counselling but I doubt you will get through to him so what I would do is try and get him to couples counselling so you can both talk about your feelings in a safe and controlled (by someone else) environment.

Either that or you need to tell him that you need an evening a week to yourself where he needs to go out and join some club/do an activity and hope that gets him engaged with other people!

Poor you op, it sounds exhausting

Oh dear. XP was like this.

We had he whole love at first sight thing, he couldn't bear to be apart from me, told me he loved me every day, he wanted to be cuddling all the time, sex several times a day.

It was great for a while, but it did become stifing. He was hurt when I asked him to back off a bit, he saw it as proof I didn't love him as much as he loved me. He said if I really loved him I would feel the same.

Then he began to get a bit cross about it. If I said no to sex it was because he was no good in bed/his penis was too small/I wanted another man.

He was so fucking insecure and wanted constant reassurance. I dumped him because in the end of course. He still doesn't get why.

In twenty years time you might look back on these days with wistfulness

It is 20 years later, and I look back on those days with confusion and mild sadness. It's not that he meant to be a dick, he certainly did love me, but he had evidently read too much mills and boon or something and thought that was what women really wanted. I feel quite sorry for him.

He sound like the kind of creepy stalker you need the police to visit and warn off op...except you're married to him.

What was he like when you met/dated/got engaged op? Has he always done this?

He hasn’t had the relationship experience to realise this is counter-productive. He needed to have lost a few partners to his obsessiveness along the way, and then learn to moderate it.

What was his parenting/childhood like? Its an intense sort of attachment.

Could he benefit from clear statements or ‘rules’ such as ‘now that we are a family I don’t want you to bring me flowers any more, I want you to save the money for the household’ or ‘I want you to see friends outside the home so you don’t get boring’. And stuff about personal space and you choosing or saying no.

I feel concerned that you might be re-evaluating the relationship a bit, and I do wonder if there is much in it for you, but I hope that you can work it out.

It could be he's just smitten but his reaction when you tell him seriously (rather than jokingly) to back off will be telling.
You need to spell it out that you feel smothered and need "me time" and that his attitude is damaging your relationship, and that your need to not be constantly bothered will increase after the baby is born, as you will be exhausted and will need even more "me time". That if he really loves you he'll respect your words and will tone his attention down because otherwise your frustration will grow and grow until it eventually ruins your relationship. That this had the potential to lead to divorce if he doesn't nip it in the bud now while it is more of a minor irritation.
If he continues to ignore your wishes then he hasn't got your best wishes at heart and he's a controlling bastard, so his reaction to you plainly and firmly spelling it out is the key factor here. You need to be blunt. I couldn't live with a quarter of the attention you seem to have forced on you. Don't let him make you feel guilty for not wanting it. It is just too much and not normal and very suffocating. Don't let him turn this round and try to blame you for your feelings. You are the normal one here.

He's guilty of something and is making up.

Check his computer for web cam girls.

Your OP was alarming. But your updates, in which you state that you are a model and he was quite overweight when you first met, lead me to wonder if he isn’t terribly insecure, terrified of losing you, feels like you could have someone much better looking than him if you wanted. Did he lose weight for himself, or to please you?

Don't want to hurt his feelings though!

Is he concerning himself with your feelings when he bulldozes you with emotional manipulation? Or is it all about how he feels?

Your whole post reads like you feel sorry for him; he has you adjusting your innate responses to his behaviour so as not to upset him. In a short space of time you're going to have a huge shift in your lives when the baby arrives. Is your current situation strong enough to withstand such a shift?

I'd rather be single than with a man like this. He is controlling and very odd.

This would do my fucking head in.

It's not normal, usual or any of those things. You need to tell him now.

I agree, it is a form of control, to keep you just where he wants you.

His reaction to your frank and honest talk, will tell you all you need to know, if he genuinly loved and respected you, it will be fine and his actions will display that, if not, than he will try the emotional blackmail card, or turn nasty.

he gets hurt if I say no because I am reading a book or watching a film.

This is your problem. Lots of presents and flowers and romantic gestures and wanting to be with you, could be the sign of someone who just really loves you. But that person would also listen to what you wanted and how you felt, and want you to be happy even if that meant not focusing on him for a bit.

Instead he emotionally manipulates you when you state your needs, because he's not happy unless it's all about him. That's not love, it's neediness.

The photos thing would drive me insane. How can he sit there and make you do that when you're bored and uncomfortable and wish you could do something else? That's not an open, loving honest relationship when either you're too scared to tell him you don't want to do that again, or if you do tell him, he keeps on with it anyway.

I agree you need to sit him down and spell all this out - that you are an individual human being, with your own things you want to do, and you are feeling overwhelmed with his behaviour. Ask him to help you find a balance where you get some space. If he reacts badly to that, you need to tread very carefully with him. When you have a baby, it really won't be all about him and he could kick off.

Sit him down OP. It's time to sort this out. Maybe with a professional.

Your OP made my skin crawl. I'm just visualising you trying to hold him at arm's length as he tries to stroke your hair.

I dated a guy like this once and it was lovely to begin with, but eventually turned really toxic later down the line when I told him to back off a bit. He turned nasty and was doing a lot of emotional blackmail stuff to me.

I absolutely love romance but it’s not special if it happens 24/7. It just becomes suffocating and repetitive. I’m much happier with my OH as he will surprise me out of the blue with flowers or take me for a meal out etc but I never know when any of it will happen so it’s always exciting when it does. He’ll also send me a message occasionally telling me how much he loves me. If he was sending things like that every day it wouldn’t be the same.

Wow, at first reading that, I thought lucky you, but reading further, I thought sod that for a game of soldiers, it sounds very suffocating.

Instead of being nice about it, be frank and direct with him. If he loved you that much, he would respect your wishes and boundaries, if he does not, than there is a huge problem.

The constant texting/phone calling after 3o mins while you are at work?!?!?!

Not normal, lovely or acceptable. Real life and relationships are not love songs or films. It is not 'sad' that long term relationships change from the intensity of the first few months when you're enthralled by eachother, to something more relaxed.

You need to say that he must stop this. He may love you, but he is not respecting you by continuing this behaviour.

be glad you have such a loving and romantic dh

Smothering and suffocating. The OP is not enjoying this attention.