To not be able to live up to DH's level of romanticness/obsessiveness?

Actually, I wonder whether this man will willingly have a "normal", non Romantic conversation with the OP without starting a load of Romantic stuff, having to hold her hand / stroke her hair etc. A conversation about whether the Bank of England are going to put interest rates up, the bonus that the guys working at Pret, the recent vote in Ireland. Something that isn't about romance / babies / their relationship and which acknowledges that the OP has a brain and opinions.

If he won't (or gets into a terrible huff / cries because the OP has opinions that differ from his), that means that a PP may be right - he doesn't see the OP as a person in her own right.

Out of nosiness, what does your boss say when your partner is ringing and texting throughout the day? That has to get annoying for your colleagues.

I think like most stb parents he has no idea of the incessant nature that is a baby.

You could get one like friends who slept most of the time. Or one like mine that couldn't be put down for the first 11 weeks day or night.
Even after that dd pretty much took up had to be held and carried every where during all of my waking time.

How is he going to cope? I think he probably has some starry eyed notion of what a dad does.

How are his parents relationship.

Does his father buy his mother flowers daily.

If he doesn't could you refer to them in a way that says they have stayed together without the need for daily flowers.

At best in some ways he might be the right man for you just at the wrong time.
He sounds like he should have gone out with a few gfs then settle down with you. Not doing so has meant he hasn't had any experience of girls telling him to back off or finding out what works and what doesn't. Almost like he has missed out on a key part of development.

On the other hand if he continues to manipulate you and not learn from you saying what you like and don't like then

RUN

He sounds like someone who will start to threaten suicide if he doesn't get what he wants. And realises tears aren't working. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a baby with him.

Totally agree with this from Farangatang:
“Please seek counselling to talk about these issues or your relationship is almost certainly bound for destruction. You may well need the back-up of a trained counsellor to help him see that his behaviour is not normal. And by talking through with a mediator, you may be able to gain a better perspective of where he's coming from (which may help with the understandable irritation and frustration you feel!)”

Would he agree to counselling?

Hmm. This sounds exhausting - whenever you tell him that you don't like something he does, he cries? He has learnt that this gets him what he wants. What are his family like?

Realistically, this sounds completely unsustainable. This man needs a hobby or interest outside his wife.

Fucking teddies and roses an hour after you've left the house, jesus h christ.

I guess you won’t want to make any drastic decisions about leaving him with a baby on the horizon, but he really needs some boundaries put in place before that happens and your time for him is even more limited.

It’s terrible that you’re having to lie about how busy you are at work just to get a break from him. And even then he can’t just leave you be, he’s already sent an email. It’s actually disrespectful, and possibly controlling, that he won’t just give you space when you’ve asked for it.

I bet a lot of it is the fact it’s his first relationship. This is why we have a couple of relationships before settling down usually. To learn how to to behave and regulate our feelings. He’s just too intense, like a lovesick teen.

Teddies and roses? Bleugh…

Well, indeed. It makes me a bit cross actually when men think this sort of thing is romantic. There's nothing romantic about trotting out clichéd tripe which isn't what the recipient wants.

How is he going to cope when you have a baby which will require your constant attention for a long time and take it away from him?

This is what I was thinking to. And the fact you feel you cat tell him how you feel for fear of upsetting him is worrying to.

It sounds like he needs counselling for some pretty serious personal issues! The best marriages are partnerships where you're each free to be yourself, with your own independent lives but you CHOOSE to spend time together and share stuff together. No one person can ever meet another person's needs entirely and it's not fair to expect them to, or to demand their undivided attention.

No wonder you're upset by his behaviour.

Please seek counselling to talk about these issues or your relationship is almost certainly bound for destruction. You may well need the back-up of a trained counsellor to help him see that his behaviour is not normal. And by talking through with a mediator, you may be able to gain a better perspective of where he's coming from (which may help with the understandable irritation and frustration you feel!)

You are his first and only relationship, which to me tells me he has only got the movies to guide him and doesn't have a grip on reality.

Do you know this to be true? Or has he deleted other relationships from his mind?

A lot of red flags going on

Don't let his snivelling and blubbering shut you down. Hand him a tissue and repeat that he needs to back off. If he switches to stamping his feet and name-calling, then you will need to think about ending this marriage sooner rather than later.

Because it's just possible that this is a well-intentioned but emotionally immature young man (26 is very young) who is capable of learning to behave like a civilised partner. In which case, if you push back hard enough, he will get a grip. Unfortunately, from what you have already posted, it sounds more like a controlling misogynist - you are not a person in his eyes, but an object he owns and wants to play with all the time.
If he doesn't agree to change and make an effort, then you are going to have to get away fast and enlist support from other people to enforce boundaries on this loser and restrict his access to you as much as possible. Men like this are dangerous. They may go down the 'If I can't own you, no one can, least of all you' route to the point they are literally life-threatening.

My ex would even do things like wait for hours outside my house in his car to give me a cuddle once I got home. And he would bombard me with texts all day long and get arsey if I didn’t reply quickly. Looking back on it all now I can’t believe I didn’t just tell Him to fuck off the first time he started behaving like a controlling psychopathic stalker.
Sit your partner down and tell him firmly that the smothering needs to stop. If he gets upset and offended then who cares. He’s an adult and has to learn that manipulative behaviour is never ok

So OP, how are you going to use the feedback you received from the posters on here when it comes to mending your relationship with your husband? I sincerely hope you don't allow yourself to be swayed by some of the fairly gratuitous man-hating offered up as advice. I am no mens' rights activist or someone who cries out 'misandry!' at every opportunity, but isn't feminism meant to be about equality?
Please be gentle when it comes to explaining to your DH why you find his behaviour hard to deal with, trust your own instincts on this and not those of some strangers on the internet.

Teddies and roses? Bleugh...

In a nutshell, this guy is going to end up being a nightmare.

He's obsessive, antisocial, controlling.

Please don't hold up the less overtly domineering aspects of his personality as 'good'. - ie him being ok with you going out and just staying at home cleaning. No. Not good. Extremely weird.

He's already using emotional blackmail to get you to do what he wants. His 'submissive', adoring persona is just that. Even the way he speaks is a giveaway - 'treat you right' - he sees you as an object.

Not good timing but I woudl be rethinking this relationship.

I would seriously doubt that he will be a genuinely good father - an obsessive, controlling one maybe.

Either way, this is really not good, equal or positive and I suggest you either leave or seriously start pushing back. Tell him that you don't like the 'romance'. You don't want to be pressured to be a certain way. You don't like it that he has no friends or interests outside of you. You don't think constant bombardment with presents and letters is lovely, you think it's obsessive and unhealthy.

See what his reaction is. I would put my money on sulking, crying, and emotional manipulation. Because underneath, he's not very nice.

Oh god op, I wish that dh would be more hearts and flowers, but not like this, it is suffocating, controlling and emotionally abusive. That is smothering, somebody who does not respect your wishes is not a good partner.

if I try to give him constructive criticism he’d often end up in tears

The tears are very manipulative. This is a way to shut you up and shut you down. I’m not saying he’s necessarily deliberately turning on the waterworks but that the crying is his way of keeping you in line. Ie he can’t cope with anything that isn’t his way so you have to do what he wants and says.

He is telling you that you are in charge of his feelings and his emotions (which isn’t true) and that being in charge means you have all the power. This is unfair and untrue and is a trick used to get others to succumb to manipulation and abuse. He may not be aware that he’s even doing this. However, the result is you’re just a puppet on a string. Step out of line and he will cry to get you back where you belong.

I think this is genuinely one of the most bizarre things I've read on here! How is this sustainable behaviour? I think you're in for a world of trouble when your baby arrives.

Although it might sound lovely from the outside, my Dsis has similar. Her DH is unable to function without her. He's clingly and messages all the time and she feels suffocated, even after 13 yrs of marriage. She tells me how unattractive he's become as he's like a doormat. Maybe try explaining that to him?

he just insists that he is very committed to me, very old fashioned and likes to make sure that I am treated right.

He wants to make sure you are treated right. Really?? In what way is managing your every move, pestering you at work, pestering for sex and intimacy and telling you how you should manage your free time is treating you right?

By old fashioned does he mean he wants to be the man and in charge? Right now he thinks you’re a dolly and he gets to decide what dolly does.

Leaving

He's going to have to toughen up. Or is he going to cry whenever your child says 'don't do it like THAT, Daddy, Mummy does it properly, like this!'

Talk to him through his stomach if that will help. What's his favorite meal. But to eat it everyday, it would cease to be special and would become wearisome, boring and you'd be desperate to try other things.

Affection and big romantic gestures would mean a lot more to you if they are occasional. To much, they become mundane and you stop being appreciative of them. The next step is irritation (where you are now). The step after that which he needs to avoid getting to, by changing his ways, is rejecting it all by leading the situation. His choice.

1. Becomes mundane
2. Becomes irritating
3. Becomes something to be rejected.

The best thing you can do is talk to him, he may feel a little shut out of the pregnancy as its you carrying the baby, you have all the feelings, developments to go through he may even feel a little jealous as there no greater bond than that between a mother and her baby. Without telling him how you feel he's not to know he sounds very committed and loving, he's sounds like he just wants the memories of your relationship to last bit he doesn't need to go through with you each week.

Of course you get on well, you've already given up trying to live your own life and read books and chill out in your own space, and just allowed his version of life to take over. If you went to Paris, why should what he want dominate? Why can't you say hey, can we go to the Louvre this morning, dinner later would be nice. He's utterly dominating you through his 'kindness' and through crying if you challenge him or don't do what he wants.

Honestly, you sound powerless against his niceness. Can't you see that's actually not nice!