To not be able to live up to DH's level of romanticness/obsessiveness?

His behaviour is more likely to push you away than keep you.

Good God! Just no. He’s not nice, he’s not sensitive, he sounds like a weirdo stalker who’s likely to chop you up into tiny pieces five years down the line when you’ve ‘disobeyed’ him too many times.

Surely his family and yours must see him for the creep he is? What on earth do your friends make of him?

I’d be tempted to ghost him, just up and disappear and don’t put his name on the birth certificate. I’d literally be scared for my life if I were you.

Based on the first post I would have said he is highly insecure, and he thinks that he needs to be like this to stop you ever wanting to leave him or look at anyone else.

Given your updates about his problems thinking about you and ex-boyfriends (and using it against you in arguments), I'd say this is definitely the case.

The tears and the upset are very manipulative. Stops you saying anything, keeps you in your place. I also wondered if he was going to try and keep you pregnant. Again, keeps you in your place.

Ok - your update - the jealousy - you need to leave.

Really, you do.

Leave before you have a newborn and everything is 100 times more difficult.

LTC - LEAVE THE CREEPER

He is horribly manipulative. It may be that it's all completely subconscious and he has no idea he's doing it, but that's worse really than if he is completely aware and purposeful.

Being overly romantic. Well, you can't complain because, well, why would you, who wouldn't like flowers, massage, ? So you're always on edge and at a disadvantage.

Crying. You stop doing whatever it is. If you've been slightly critical of him and he cries, you'll stop and comfort him -I got caught be that one, I'd do the whole "it's not that important, don't cry, honestly" which was then taken as "it's not important, I'm a bitch, carry on without any change at all".

You are being set up. I am not saying he knows what he's doing, but that is what he's doing.

Be very very careful, and probably go to counselling alone for the moment.

After seeing your update I scrub the first half of my pp.

Read from the

Run part.

And make sure you never leave him alone with the baby.

Supervised access only

You're already lying to him to try to manage your life/protect his feelings. This won't change on its own.

He wants you to have everything you need, tell him you need space, see how he reacts.

This man is manipulative and frankly dangerous. Not, perhaps, in a physical way, but certainly he has the potential to grind you down emotionally.

I say this as someone with a romantic husband who is very affectionate and brings me flowers now and then etc. The level of interference you describe is intrusive.

I literally can’t think of a single thing I couldn’t talk over with my husband in a rational and reasonable way - neither or us would resort to crying to shut the other one up.

I would seriously think about whether the relationship is sustainable - I suspect from your description he won’t be amenable to change. Be vigilant and seriously think before having the next baby.

As a side note, one of the things men like this do is make you incapable - they slowly take away all your responsibilities and it feels like you can’t cope without them.

My aunt’s husband has done this - she can’t even make herself a fucking sandwich.

I had a fling with a guy like this. It was meant to be a one night stand (I'd been extremely clear I wasn't looking for a relationship) but he was suddenly convinced we were in love and started behaving a bit like your DH. Sweet lad but it took me ages to extricate myself and yes there were tears and tantrums. He was quite young and turned out he had Asperger's. I wonder if your DH is on the spectrum. It's the inability to gauge someone else's feelings accurately.

Its not counselling your DH needs OP with you, its therapy. There is a difference.

We have an appointment with a counsellor in two weeks time but regarding the jealousy issue above only. ^ I'm thinking it might be best to get it all out in the open and dealt with at the same time

What type of counsellor is it? Marriage counselling? It sounds as if everything you discuss here is all part of the same problem anyway and not seperate issues.

He sounds utterly terrifying, quite how you've put up with him for four years and agreed to start a family with him, is baffling to me. This is not what a healthy adult relationship looks like.

Please do bring it up in counselling, he needs serious help.

frogsinthepond
He's recently agreed to councelling for another issue - he gets very jealous/emotional/teary/quiet when he thinks about me having been in past relationships and with other men. This is usually brought up a few times a year where we'd have a row; he says once he has the image in his head, he can't stop thinking about the fact that I've been with other people and it kills him. This is another exhausting issue as I've been faithful to this man for almost 4+ years now; it's not like I am in contact with old boyfriends!

From your OP I got 'yuk', but not necessarily the red flags the others did straight away. But now, with this. It frightens me to be honest. He has jealousy issues to the point it affects everyday life.

We have an appointment with a counsellor in two weeks time but regarding the jealousy issue above only. ^ I'm thinking it might be best to get it all out in the open and dealt with at the same time.

Absolutely it needs to all come out, but I'm not 100% sure counselling as 'we' is a good thing. At least not for now. He has issues that HE needs to address,

Your update seems to confirm what 99% of PP's are saying. This is a serious problem, and it's only going to get worse. I feel for you having to deal with this at all let alone during pregnancy.

You really need to put in some boundaries and take back some control.

It may feel unromantic and spontaneous, but explain it as moving your relationship to the next level, establishing a good balance for a long relationship.

Set a monthly budget for gifts, so he can bring you a Cadbury's Creme egg every day, or a box of chocolates once a month.

Explain that work have a personal communications policy which doesn't allow constant non job related contact.

Plan ahead for the weekend "right, let's go to xyz", don't leave time for the photo albums.
Don't get cross, just calm and matter of fact. See what happens.

He's very possessive and jealous.
Why do you want this man to be your partner? He sounds creepy, controlling, all the romance is way too much. Are you sure about this?

Yes his crying and turning on the emotions is designed to keep you in your place, and not to have a voice. The other extreme is aggression and violence. It seems as though his love for you is not a respectful and mutual love, but and obsessive, controlling one. I don't think I could be in a stifling relationship like this, one where I am not listened or respected. Please don't have anymore children with him, unless he drastically changes and goes for help.

I think both issues are totally connected OP. Please make sure you bring this up in the counselling session.

I wonder if pregnancy has triggered some very idealised view of what he feels fatherhood should be. That’s not gonna end well.

Totally agree. He has a very idealised view of what family life and fatherhood should be like. He's already giving you a hard time (through the emotional manipulation) for not living up to what an ideal wife should be...what if the baby doesn't live up to his view of what a baby should be?

FFS get rid get rid get rid. You should have binned him before now. He's a total loser and he will not improve.
Counselling may not help, as it's not a highly regulated profession and there are a lot of counsellors who don't know enough about abusive relationships - you don't want some half-trained idiot deciding the problem is that you are 'frightened of your feelings and need to be more emotionally open'.

You need this fucker out of your life for your own safety and wellbeing, and that of your baby. The best thing would be for him to fuck off and find some other woman to fixate on, but if he stays in touch and wants to see the baby, tread really carefully and go for supervised contact. Men like this can flip from 'loving' you to hating and wanting to punish you in horribly destructive ways.

Way over the top. The lack of friends thing rings alarm bells for me. I had an ex who would wait for me to come home from work (lived separately) and if I asked what he had done all day he would say, nothing. And by nothing I mean absolutely nothing, no shopping, watching tv or visiting family, literally sitting on the settee waiting for me.

When I ended it it was textbook begging and pleading, suicide threats then anger.

Hopefully different from your case as you loved him enough to marry him and have a baby but agree with a pp that surely it must affect your attraction to him.