To not be able to live up to DH's level of romanticness/obsessiveness?

I can honestly say that your updates are making my spine tingle OP. Please please find someone to talk this through with in RL. Your Mum, a friend, even your midwife. This isn't normal, and what worries me is that this could escalate once you've given birth and are feeling more vulnerable than usual. I'd be very keen to deal with this well before your baby arrives...............

I'm sorry OP but this would send out a million alarm bells to me.

He sounds like the type of guy who could do something really seriously bad.

Suffocating, manipulative, possessive, jealous, controlling behaviour.

This could escalate massively. It’s not normal.

He sulks? That’s so fucking childish.

Sounds much more like obsession than love! It's not normal and utterly suffocating. I couldnt stand this level of constant contact and affection, it would drive me mad. The jealousy and tears are huge red flags tbh.

He is making sure he is the centre of your attention, both in a physical way (massage, hair stroking, sex, even the photo album) and an emotional way (tears, declarations of love, jealousy) Like a bird in a cage. It is not a normal way to live.

This guy has all the hallmarks of a stalker. That article just upthread tells you all you need to know. What starts of as undying love, ends up as obsession and not letting go. I had a BF a long time ago who was just like your DP, OP.

Started off with love bombing, then continual contact on and on and on, then jealousy of anything from my past, then trying to make me jealous with made up crap, always having to be right, engineering arguments, being obsessively in love with me.

One thing he did (please don't tell me your DP does this...) he used to keep himself awake at night so he could stare at me and watch me because he was so in love. Yes seriously! Can you imagine how fucking terrifying it was to stir in the middle of the night, open one eye and find someone staring at you?

The end was nasty, I won't go into details but it was very bad and frightened me.

Stand up for yourself NOW. Turn down the photo stuff, the calls at work, the incessant mauling you. I can't say whether you should leave him or not, only you will know that from reading this thread. However, you should stop his ridiculous behaviour by telling him very very firmly.

Like previous posters I've also been here, initially flattered and in the end needing the police to intervene in order to get away. Things will only go smoothly while you submit to what he wants, after that you will need to take precautions to keep you and your baby safe.

misscarlar
i'd recommend signing up to Fetlife- a facebook of the fettish world, or at least looking more into this community, perhaps seeking a local munch

Are you having a laugh? I'm not going into my sex life, but as a fetlife member I can only say 'NO'! Its not a bloody therapy group. The man has jealousy issues regarding partners from over 4 years ago! How on earth would you think he would cope at a bloody Munch??

Misscarlar, while there are a few fucking idiots in the fetish world, most people who like kink, even the daft ones who take high protocol D/S seriously, would consider this man to be creepy, controlling and a loser.

Some fetish types may like to behave like this, but it's vastly more likely he's a controlling needy type.

misscarlar wtf?

He does sound very suffocating, clingy and irritating. Would he back off if you laid it down the line: back off, let me be, let me breathe/read a book/pick my nose? If tears then just ignore and carry on through.

I would def bin the photo album sessions, who the fuck has the time for that?!
If he doesnt get the message then I would consider going home to mum/friend etc for a few days and see what happens. Awful to be in this situation when you are pregnant - I would send flowers but think prob not the best idea!

He has a very unhealthy mind, be careful not to push him over the edge, all I can hear is, if I can't have you, no one else can .....
Definitely raise this latest stuff, at your next counselling meeting,
Look after yourself OP, and your little baby.🌸

OP do you have male friends? How does he react when you go out with them?

going to come at this from a completly different angle, however
this behavour can be seen frequently in the Fet scene, although viewed my many 'vanilla' people as strange the dominant/submissive/ slave lifestyle sounds like a perfect match to the individual. i'd recommend signing up to Fetlife- a facebook of the fettish world, or at least looking more into this community, perhaps seeking a local munch. If you want to stay with him this may help him understand his needs more and how they effect others since you're his first, and it ay also help you with coping with this. if you do decide to split up then he'll have a healthy outlet and other like-minded people to rely upon.

Best case scenario - the bloke is immature, annoying and has some psychological issues.

Worst case - he has a personality disorder and could become abusive. I would personally be very concerned that, once the baby arrives, he becomes very controlling and potentially be a threat to the safety of the child. These types of men can use their children to get at the mother.

You need to see a lawyer and move as far away as possible.

It's all very well telling OP that her DP is scary and she should run for the hills, but she is having his baby and he is entitled to time with the child. He isn't violent, abusive or controlling in the sense that OP is free to do what she pleases (albeit with constant messages while she's at work but interestingly not when she's socialising. I think running away is a very drastic suggestion.

It seems to me that discussing he love-bombing during the counselling session is the sensible thing to do. He needs to find other interests and perhaps having an outsider tell him so will prompt him to find them. I think he does need to know that his behaviour isn't particularly endearing and is putting his marriage at risk.

I think you're right to bring this intense 'love bombing' behaviour up in the counselling session. As another poster said, once baby arrives the dynamic between you two will change massively - your attention will be on baby, not him, and I'm not sure he will cope with that very well.

His intense jealousy of past relationships is also odd. Are you allowed to have any male friends? There are huge red flags all over this. It's good that he id starting counselling but is this just for him or both of you?

Too much sugar is as bad as none at all. I’m sure I would have gone off of him by now with so much attention especially if I wanted to do other more interesting things that looking at phot albums in the weekends, read a book, etc.

OP, forget the hints and jokey comments, he won’t grasp how much he is suffocating you until you spell it to him.

Having said that, those levels of obsession are often associated with controlling behaviour, does he do any other things in the list below?

Earky signs of an abusive relationship

I read your updates and this is not about love, he is insanely insecure. My dh is very attentive but maybe messages twice a day, and flowers once a week sometimes fortnight.

I don't feel the pressure you are describing or the intensity, but then if someone was messaging me 247 and was on my case like that I would be out of the door and would run for the hills.

What do your friends think of his behaviour? What do his parents think?

I have to agree with PP's, this is abuse and whilst there no hierarchy when it comes to "types" of abuse, this is incredibly worrying as it's all being done on the name of love / wanting to be with you and look after you / wanting to treat you "well" etc...

The abuse is sneaky and insidious and incredibly manipulative. I mean if you were to leave him, I imagine you'd be bombarded with 'but he treats you so well and he loves you so much' by his folks and himself......

If you really want to make it work, show him this thread and suggest he leaves for a period of time whilst working on his myriad of issues.

Jeez, I feel suffocated just reading about him OP.

Op I don’t know if this has been said but please please tell someone what’s going on in RL.
Each update is making your situation sound scarier and scarier.

Getting the huff on about previous boyfriends is well and truly fucked up. Run for the hills!

The teddies and flowers email - wta fucking fuck? Unless you particularly love teddies - but otherwise, what grown woman wants pictures of fucking teddies? And has he been sitting at work googling cutesy pictures? Vom.

The photo albums as well - the guy is utterly weird.

Some guys do learn over time - DH did a bit of the clingy stuff to start off with (nothing on this scale, though) and learned not to after I made it very clear that loving him did not mean I was prepared to drop all my friends etc. He relaxed into normality. Your guy is in a totally different league and I am not sure he is close enough to normality to learn how to do it.

*male