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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed at my BIL????

43 replies

DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:17

It is my sisters birthday today.

My other sisters and I had planned on visiting her with a few bottles of wine, some already cooked food, and a cake.

So my sister called BIL through the week to ask him if he had anything planned for sis. He said no, though he had an opticians appointment at 6pm. That was fine, sis said, as we were coming about 6.30/7pm, it doesn't matter of BIL is there or not.

My older sister called birthday girl and said she would be visiting her, she said leave it to 8.30/9pm as she was going to optician app with dh!!

9pm is just too late, we all have very young children and their usual bedtimes are around 7 but if we were at sis house by that time, it would be much easier to keep them awake!

Anyway I text sis last night to say I would be over about 6/7 to see her, as the kids need to go to bed [didn't say everyone was coming with cake etc..] She text me back saying "sorry, won't be in, ta for pressies tho!" [I give her them on Tuesday]

So I called my older sister who said that she told BIL we were all coming, and then she was talking to sis who said BIL asked her to go to opticians with him, as he hates talking to people and never has anything to say and he wants her to choose new glasses for him.

WTF is he playing at?? I think he doesn't want us there I was going to call him and ask him to tell her he doesn't need her to go, but I am too cross.

[and am quite prepared to be told I am being unreasonable, so won't flounce]

He is a prat who can't even get his eyes tested without her holding his hand!

I'm not going now, it's too late to be travelling 30 miles just for an hour or two.

OP posts:
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purpleduck · 18/05/2007 13:25

Never mind the bil, but your sister sounds weird. No disrespect, I have weird family members too . My sister will stop the dishwasher and reload it if its been done wrong (ie, by anyone other than herself Lol!!) Have fun and eat a shedload of cake, sounds like you deserve it after all this!!

maisemor · 18/05/2007 13:10

Excellent news then

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 13:08

No.

BIL is going to get a snack after work in a cafe whilst waiting for it to be 6pm.

I am going to visit sis at 6.30 as she has text me to say she isn't going with BIL now.

[He obv called her and told her that it would be handier if he didnt have to drive home to take her with him]

And then the rest of my sisters are coming over to surprise her.

We are all bringing wine and food... and a cake. She wont have anything to do herself at all.

OP posts:
maisemor · 18/05/2007 13:05

Sorry am I reading this right?

BIL going to opticians alone now.
Birthday Sis eating with him but then going home alone whilst BIL is at opticians.
You are throwing surprise party at birthday sis' house with rest of family?

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 12:53

Update:

Sis just text to say BIL was working near the optician so is going to go for a bite to eat somewherew and then go to get eyes done. So she isn't going after all and if I hadn't made any other plans then she'd love us to go over.

Seems like BIL pulled it off

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 18/05/2007 11:54

I don't think you are being unreasonable. BIL sounds like a pain in the backside but at the end of the day it's your sis who loses out. Just tell her what you had planned and say 'maybe next year?' then enjoy the cake and wine. If you have too much cake i can always give you my address and will happily receive any leftovers in the post

ledodgy · 18/05/2007 10:57

Ahh I see well then I agree bugger them and have your own party without either of them.

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 10:54

No no no, it's not like that at all ledodgy!

Nothing is being forced.

They are always like this. He hadn't even remembered it was her b'day until my older sis called and asked if he had any plans or if it would be ok if we visited.

She didn't tell me she wouldn't be in until 8.30/9 she told my other sis who lives down the rd from her. Therefore ot suits the other sis to be there at 9, she has no young kids.

I know if my sis knew we had planned on visiting her, she would be soo pleased!![apart from the mess bit

Im not going now though, whatever happens

Thanks for all the advice girls

So, IABU??

OP posts:
ledodgy · 18/05/2007 10:49

Could it be when he told you he had an opticians appointment he was implying his wife would be with him? I also don't understand that why after your sister had told you to leave it until 8.30-9pm you texted her last night to say you'd be there at 6-7 I understand your kids need to go to bed but that really isn't her problem and it sounds like you're being rather forceful. IMO it's her Birthday so either stick to her plans or arrange something at a later date.
Don't get me wrong it was a lovely idea to do that for her Birthday but maybe asking rather than telling them what you planned to do would be the way forward.

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 10:43

I like your style

OP posts:
NineUnlikelyTales · 18/05/2007 10:42

Sod the selfish sister and the prat BIL. Eat all the cake and drink all the wine

coppertop · 18/05/2007 10:38

It seems a bit weird to me that BIL would pick the evening of his wife's birthday to have an appointment with the optician.

It sounds as though they're both using it as an excuse to avoid mess. Very sad IMO. It sounds as though the party would have been a lot of fun.

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 10:38

OOps, ds got the pc

Have just text my other sis to say that they could come here & i will text birthday sis and ask her to call at my house on way home from optician as I am about 3 miles away from the town the optician he uses is in.

Best I can do. It's up to them now if they want to come.

OP posts:
Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 10:36

I'd host the party, no bother!

Thing is though, it's a sticky issue with me. She had planned a BBQ in the summer, before her wedding, and asked us all to bring food. no problem. The dy before she called to say it forecast rain and she didn't want the bbq anymore if it meant people would be inside.

I ended up holding it here, as the bouncy castle deposit had been pd and lots of meat had been ordered already. She didn't bring any food as it was "her party".

So tbh I am a bit loathe to hold it here, not that I hate mess, but I have did it before.

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 18/05/2007 10:36

are you sure your sister isn't Monica from Friends?

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 10:34

I'd host the party, no bother!

Thing is though, it's a sticky issue with me. She had planned a BBQ in the summer, before her wedding, and asked us all to bring food. no problem. The dy before she called to say it forecast rain and she didn't want the bbq anymore if it meant people would be inside.

I ended up holding it here, as the bouncy castle deposit had been pd and lots of meat had been ordered already. She didn't bring any food as it was "her party".

So tbh I am a bit loathe to hold it here, not that I hate mess, but I have did it before.

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 18/05/2007 10:34

I'd cancel the night but tell your sis - it's such a pity you aren't around on the weekend - we'd planned a big surprise with everyone - giot a huge cake and bought wine for you, but nevermind. Next year maybe. Then have your folks and other sister over and drop crumbs, drink wine and have a non-birthday surprise at your own home.

She's biting her nose off to spite her face and it's her loss. Eat cake and be merry i say!

heifer · 18/05/2007 10:30

Is it possible that your sis is hoping that her DH has something planned for her - ie not just going to the opticians?...

She will be very dissapointed when she finds out that he only wants to get glasses... (and not the beer kind)..

I think you should go to her house, enjoy being together and forget about making a mess (although do try not to spill the red wine)...

Go on, tis your sister, she can't help being married to a pillock!

compo · 18/05/2007 10:28

I would ring her and say everyone is coing over to mine, we have birthday cake and wine. Come whenever you want. And then you and the rest of the family can have a good time with or without her

AnneJones · 18/05/2007 10:28

YANBU - he sounds like a right selfish prat. What a mean thing to scupper a party for your own wife. If he had this appt he could have suggeste dyou came another night or moved it - any number of other arrangements. Not surprised you are p'd off. I would be.

compo · 18/05/2007 10:28

okay, sounds like the issue is the mess. Well I suppose if she is that way inclined then it doesn seem mean to make her host her own b/day arty. Can you have it at yours tonight?

browncat · 18/05/2007 10:25

It does sound as if BIL is being unfair- only thing is if he needs to choose new glasses he really needs someone to be with him, to help choose them- i had to do this for my dh BUT it wasn't on my birthday and i would have much prefered spending time with my sisters drinking wine etc.

MsTash · 18/05/2007 10:20

oh dear, sounds like a miserable night, is there no way you can celebrate at your other sister or at your parents? just to have a get together? If not tonight nthen over the weekend?

I have to say, I hate hosting a party ta my house on my birthday, it is just all the running around I end up doing, makes me grumpy, I would much rather go out.

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 10:04

My older sister just called him and siad that we were going to be there round 6.30 and for him to leave a key fr us to get in, we would have the party ready for when they get back.

He said "You know what she's like about mess."
said he will call sis and tell her he is going on to the appointment from work.

TBH I don't want to go anymore. Nothing worse than not being allowed to drop a crumb. Last time we visited she made everyone sit in one room with no shoes on, I didn't mind, but for all the men it was horrible. She doesn't even have any carpet or anything to be getting dirty.

Will see what happens anyway.

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WanderingTrolley · 18/05/2007 09:54

Phone your sister now. Sod the surprise. Tell her there's cake and wine chez you from 7pm and her arsehole isn't invited.

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