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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset/concerned about new preschool helper and DS's dummy!

190 replies

flightattendant · 17/05/2007 17:11

I am feeling a bit disturbed after preschool this morning.
When I collected DS he was in tears about something - unrelated to this - and being cuddled by one of the helpers I'd never met before. I think she's been there a few weeks.
He ran to me and I held him, then she walked up to me and stood with her face about 10" away from mine (I had to back away, but couldn't really without being obvious) and started to say,
'He was really a good boy yesterday, he put his dummy in his pocket and didn't try and get it out again'.
I've never discussed with anyone there, DS's (occasional) use of a dummy, although the usual ladies are aware and supportive of his bottle, which he still takes most days - it was one thing which helped him through the tough 'settling in' he went through in January.
I replied to her, 'Er - he is allowed to have a dummy. I don't mind it'.
She said then, 'I couldn't understand what he was saying'.
I said 'Fair point', but at this stage was wondering what exactly this woman had said to him - I know a lot of people have a problem with dummies, and we get well-meaning shop assistants telling him he's too big for it now, etc, which I can usually dismiss when I'm there so he isn't affected.
But I do think this woman is strange, and what's more I resent the way she is trying to impose some rule onto him - it's not her place to do that. I don't give a stuff if he needs something to comfort him when I can't be there...even if he is almost four.

Don't know why it wound me up so much.
Just needed to vent!

OP posts:
cornsilk · 17/05/2007 17:54

I can understand why the helper wound you up.
Plenty of preschool children still have a dummy and a bottle - not all mums are as honest about it as you are!

misdee · 17/05/2007 17:54

how old is he?

dd1 still had a dummy at 4, but we confined its use when she was at nursery to the car and at home. always amde her remove it when talking as well.

amateurmum · 17/05/2007 17:53

I don't think it was unreasonable of her to try to persuade him to remove dummy at nearly 4.

However, do think the way she spoke to you seems unnecessarily abrupt. There would definitely be a better way to approach it with you, especially as she is new and doesn't know either you or him too well.

glassslipper · 17/05/2007 17:53

you have 2 issues here.

1 is dummy use which is yours to deal with.

2 is preschool worker who you need to build a relationship with. use this as an opportunity to develop a communication with her,

Carmenere · 17/05/2007 17:52

YABU she was being helpful, he has to give it up soon and he shouldn't have it at preschool at all imo, how is he supposed to learn the rhymes and songs if he has a dummy in his mouth. And if he has it all the other lo's will want them too.
My dd is 3.3 and has a dummy at night still so I do understand how attached they can be.

Original poster
flightattendant · 17/05/2007 17:51

Oh dear. sorry then.

OP posts:
lulumama · 17/05/2007 17:51

phase it out, but with discussion with his mum first !!

Lizzylou · 17/05/2007 17:51

Personally I think almost 4 is way too old for a dummy and a bottle and that this preschool helper was well-meaning (and also comforting your DS).

I do think you are being unreasonable, sorry.

I do understand how hard some children find settling in to preschool, and how heartbreaking that can be for the parents and the child, but I honestly think phasing out the dummy and bottle can only be a good thing.

JARM · 17/05/2007 17:49

WRT dummy, we had a few issues with Jessi for a few weeks at preschool.
They prefer her not to have it, and try "distraction" techniques instead, but if a child is upset they will let them have it.

Jessi is 2.9 btw, and after a few weeks, she doesnt even take it school anymore, but still likes the comfort of it at home.

YANBU in my opinion

frogs · 17/05/2007 17:48

Ermm, there is quite a bit of research linking extended dummy use to speech problems. The general consensus is that children should be discouraged from talking with the dummy in, ie. should be encouraged to remove it during waking hours, ie. when they are likely to be talking.

I think the preschool worker is right to gently encourage him to take it out and keep it out while he is there.

princessmel · 17/05/2007 17:46

Maybe she just wanted to help him to not use the dummy at pre school. Not her place to do that without your say so though so maybe you are not being unreasonable.

happybiggirl · 17/05/2007 17:42

Message withdrawn

lulumama · 17/05/2007 17:42

not really up to the preschool lady to decide her DS is too old for a dummy....but i think it would be good to get him out of the habit now, but you can discuss that with them and get a plan together, rather than it being taken off him

DeviousDaffodil · 17/05/2007 17:40

How old is DS?

heifer · 17/05/2007 17:34

Sorry YABU (IMO)

How long were you planning on letting him have a bottle and a dummy for? until he goes to school? ... I am sure they won't allow it...

Also don't understand why you hadn't discussed with anyone about the dummy beforehand as I am sure most teachers at preschool would ask children to take out dummy if parents hadn't already said it was ok etc.. How can he communicate with the teachers and children if he has that in his mouth?

Re the woman, it sounds as though you just don't like her (which I understand can happen easily enough) but at least she was cudding him when he needed it...