To be upset/concerned about new preschool helper and DS's dummy!

I didn't let my dd take stuff into pre-school like comforters of any description since I was terrified that they'd be lost and I'd have a disconsable child on my hands. I was amazed when I saw computer games being taken in by 5 year olds .

Oh and I just remembered - the 9 year old who liked his dummy and night time bottle of SMA also slept with his mother. Poor old dad was relegated to the spare room. I expect that's why he was an only child.

DD1 went through a phase of taking a bunch of leeks to bed with her. Nice muddy organic ones though, so that must be OK - ya?

flightattendant, you asked why the other kids can't have their dummies in preschool? in my dd's case it's because she doesn't speak correctly or clearly, or often at all, with it in so she's no longer allowed it during the day. (although she spends most of the day stealing ds's!)

she's 2.4 and does have another comfort object, the infamous Bear. he comes to playschool but is in her bag and only gets taken out if she's upset. the teachers put him straight back if he's not in use and when she starts Montessori at 3 he'll stay home (preferably before but she's quite shy at playschool so we try and make her as comfortable as possible)

you mention fags and chocolate as examples of adult comforters... would it be acceptable to smoke fags and eat chocolate into your colleagues faces all day long?

i didn't want to give either of my kids a dummy but with dd the nurse gave me a metaphorical shaking when she was 3/4 days old and i was bleeding badly and in agony as she had been feeding constantly (i don't mean alot, i mean she hadn't come off for more than 10 mins at a time) and wouldn't sleep without something in her mouth (i spent the first night home hanging into her cot with my finger in her mouth but gave in and co-slept after that).

with ds i got to 5 weeks, he slept without one but after 5 weeks of having to leave him screaming everytime i needed to deal with dd i decided it wasn't fair and gave him one.... he was addicted within the week

tbh, if i had another i'd try harder to avoid using one if possible as they have soooo many more negatives than positives, they're fabulous for little babies but unfortunately if you give one to a little baby you end up with a toddler with one. (i'm afraid to take ds's away due to that info on babies who normally have a dummy but are asleep without one being more at risk of SIDS)

My stepdaughter sucked her thumb for quite a long time btw. A lot longer than ds had his dummy. She is also, at 15, stunningly well adjusted, popular socially and rather amazing.

maybe ITD because it is more culturaly (sp?)acceptable for a 3 year old to suck their thumb than suck a dummy.

Not sure why, right or wrong, that seems to be the way it is.

re the OP, yes I think you are being rather unreasonable. It is very unusual for a four year old to use a dummy at nursery - most don't let any children use them habitually. And maybe the staff member had an unfortunate social manner, but don't read a personal insult into it.
On dummies, my son, who I later found out has Aspergers, had a dummy until he was - god, can't remember - but around four, which he used to sleep. At three he would use it to wind down as well. He had sensory problems which meant he needed to touch things and have pressure to get any feedback from his body at all (yet perversely, too much would make him over-stimulated). Like a lot of children with Aspergers, he has a strong need to mouth things. He still chews a lot - collars, books, bits of paper, anything he has in his hand - though this is lessening now he is five and a half. It is a very powerful calming and coping mechanism for him.
Tbh, I still feel very upset that people are so cross and critical about this issue. Not all children are the same as your child. Don't jump to easy conclusions about these semi-abusive, 'lazy' parents who emotionally neglect their children by forcing dummies on them. That is your prejudice.
God, I'm a snob about lots of things, and yes, it is pretty run of the mill to judge by appearances, and as it happens, my ds stopped having a bottle before the age of two I think, but please, dummies are just a bit of rubber and plastic. Keep it in proportion.

DD (18 months) has a night time (and in the night, sigh) bottle. No dummy but also a firm thumb sucker .

Have read most of the thread and have a few thoughts.

DS is 3.5. Has no interest in a dummy (never has) but is a very firm thumb sucker. I'm sure at pre-school that he sucks his thumb sometimes. If someone there told him not to suck it I would be livid.

Why should it make a difference because it's a dummy or a thumb?

brains have a midline and its good to cross it?

Slugs?

Do they have beds? Some of the stones do.

Hate dummies, love reins. My 18mo ds still has a bedtime bottle. I am upper middle chav obviously!

swap your stones for our slug collection

hatrick that is very funny. She sounds wonderful!

DD1 collects stones Hatrick but she is unfaithful to them all/ Very fleeting relationships so far.

And yeuch to your ex.

I've read John Bowlby, it is about attahment to people not to dummies from what I can remeber
Have you looked at Erikson and childhood development,
People find dummies bottles etc for older toddlers / preschoolers as a infantising them, is there any way you could limit it to evenings or before pre school, in some ways it is about conforming to societal expectations adn not making your child noticible dofferent but equally it is important for you ds to learn to be without his dummy and to learn more grown up ways of reassuring himself -

Going back to sucking - I read in some information about brain gym that concentrated sucking is good as it causes crossing of the midline of the brain.

I think many parents are anxious about their kids having a dummy because they're worried about what people think.

Oh, sorry, is "kids" chavvy?

hatrick...how did your daughter become attached to a rock? I am intrigued.

lucyellensmum .. please feel free to do a title search on reins .. honestly .. gake your blood pressure tablets first though

my friends brother used to settle down watching a film and would end up sucking his thumb with his fingers wrapped round his nose. he was 16 and 6'2. Still cute though.

oh franny off you go again

go on tell us how normal it is for an NT 9 year old to be have a bottle of SMA formula and a dummy for bedtime