Not to want to live past my 80s

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I’m actually really scared of dying so I never want to die. I hope if I’m lucky enough to make it to that age I’ll be over he fear and be ‘ready.’

Those saying the thought of being old terrifies them, wait until you get a bit closer and it may not. When you're 30, being 50 can seem horrifying. Then suddenly you get there and realise you're still the same person and you just carry on as you were.

My own parents are close to 80 and are very active, physically and mentally. They don't seem "elderly" at all. Of course, they have been fortunate with their health and that counts for a lot.

Who can say who it will turn out for you. Look at the Queen, she's only 5 years younger than Prince Philip but looks in much better health and vitality. I'm sure she feels her life is still worth living.

some people are like that in their sixties. It is purely a question of how well you take care of yourself
My goodness if only it was so simple, the virtuous would live the longest, healthiest lives.

YouWereRight I've just had my 70th birthday! Honestly there's nothing different about being 70 than 40 other than being slowed down a bit, unless you suffer from ill health. I don't exercise; I eat and drink in moderation and hope that the next 10 years don't fly past as fast as the last 10 years has done.

Popping off in mid 80s, still able to look after myself, would suit me.
Do not want ever to be a worry or a burden to my children, nor do I ever want to need help with washing myself, dressing, and 'toileting' as they like to call it - God forbid!

My greatest fear is dementia - my mother went on with it to 97 - a pitiful wreck for her last few years. The trouble with dementia is that once it's past the very early stages, because short term memory is shot, people often can't understand or accept that there's anything wrong with them.

So even if you had a stash of pills tucked away, you'd very likely have forgotten a) that you'd stashed them at all, and b) that you'd ever intended such a thing.

I have seen enough of very poor old things in care homes - my mother was in hers for nearly 8 years - to believe that (albeit with the best of intentions) far too many people with a very poor quality of life are kept alive far too long - in and out of hospital, on drips, stuffed with medication to keep them 'healthy' - even badgered and pestered to eat and drink when they no longer want to. For WHAT?????

IMO it can verge on cruelty, when people have zero dignity and such a poor quality of life, not to let nature take its course.

My Living Will says Palliative Care only, thank you - if I ever get to the stage where I can both no longer care for myself and speak for myself.

A friend of my MILs dropped dead in her 80s while playing bingo at her Conservative club. I think that was a lovely way to go. Though not so good for friends who were with her.

I don't think there's an age for it, my Dad was 91 and had delighted in organising his 90th birthday party, spent at least a week a month travelling the country visiting friends, was an active member of many many organisations, and died suddenly of a heart attack, best way to go as he'd have hated to be ill and lingering for months as his 2nd wife did.

I wouldn't put an age limit on my own lifespan though, or anyone's. The quality of life is much more important. I befriended a 90 year old who was far more active and lively than many of the people in their 60s and 70s that I looked after. But once my health is beginning to seriously deteriorate I don't want to be here.

Our lives are finite anyway, and I'll take a lesser number of better quality of years over an extra 5-10 years or more losing everything that's important to me and makes my life worth living.

Better end of life care is definitely a worthwhile goal, and ncredibky important, but I don't care how good it is or how good care facilities are, there are some situations and conditions that I'd find utterly intolerable, and I want the right to die.

I've worked in care and sometimes it felt like the very opposite of csre when very elderly, ill and infirm people who had no quality of life and who actively wanted to die,were being given medications to extend their life.

I cared for my grandmother who had dementia and another very serious life limiting condition. She suffered terribly with it, and the only thing that brought her any relief was death when she developed pneumonia. I'd much rather not be here than suffer the horrors of dementia.

And yes, I have sat with close relatives dying of cancer and Parkinson's, so I can absolutely see the appeal of a clean quick end.

It is easy to say "I don't want to live beyond insert age or if I get x wrong with me" when you are relatively young and fit.
Some who are elderly and or ill may want to die others may want to live for as long as they can.

The danger with assisted death is I do not trust politicians not to take advantage of this by encouraging the elderly to choose death so "they are not a burden". Cynically I can hear them now: "you can help save the nhs by choosing to die if you are over 80, why not do the right thing, don't be selfish!"

I would rather campaign for better end of life care and research into illnesses like altzimers and Parkinson's.

I agree ... I don't want a funeral either, horrible morbid upsetting things IMO, burn me and scatter me at sea, no fuss

Plus yes I'd rather my kids enjoyed an inheritance rather than go on my care.

It depends how you age.

Some friend’s parents are 60 and in a right old state of obesity and diabetes and cardiovascular disease. No quality of life and this terrifies me.

Yet I know plenty of spritely 80 year olds.

As far as I can see, its 90 per cent lifestyle and the rest luck/genetics.

I agree. I don't want to live as long as possible. I want to live until I start deteriorating and then switch off, saying goodbye to everyone.. I think this should be how it is. Why do people need to suffer in old age so long? We have an obsession with long life. And eternal hope that things will improve. Other cultures are more accepting of death than us.

My grandad got to 89 with no problems and then hurt his back, and went downhill from there and suffered horribly for 6 months.. he should have been able to stop it all before that and keep his dignity. I would have loved to say goodbye to my dad properly before the cancer got so bad that he didn't want to be around anyone.

My mother and two aunts have dementia, my father has liver and kidney disease and has had two heart attacks. I have no wish to go through any of that, ending my own life seems a much better option ( at the moment!)

There are situations where I will definitely end my life. I’m not going into a care home for sure. My adult DCs know this and respect my feelings on the matter. It doesn’t matter to me what the law says, worst case scenario I’ll just get a load of sleeping tablets from the internet!

Is not about age though, some people are like that in their sixties. It is purely a question of how well you take care of yourself. You will inevitably end up like that eventually unless you die quite suddenly.

@YouWereRight

70! I only retire at 68. 😳

YANBU - my Grandma was very spritely and active, but used to complain that after 90 "everything ached".

However I have a good friend and a MIL who are both 93 and are both inspirational. Both keep active, dress well, are v. positive, interested in the world and still very very interested in and involved with their families. I have often felt gratitude to them as they went through their eighties, as they gave me a view of what, with the benefit of good health, old age can be like. They are both lovely people who have a really good quality of life. I aspire to be like them, and hope that I can age with half as much grace.

My mother, grandmother and great grandmother lived to an average 90.6 years. My mother was 93 when she died last year but had dementia. I couldn’t say I definitely don’t want to live to a similar age without knowing what quality of life I might have. I’m trying to look after myself as much as I can.

The thing is you can’t predict how you will feel when you reach decrepitude.MIL was bedbound, virtually unable to move, couldn’t feed herself but was sound of mind. When her swallowing was becoming too difficult to eat even liquidised food I had a very difficult conversation about what she might do if offered a feeding tube. To my complete dismay she immediately said she would have no choice but to accept.

Ten or twenty years earlier she would never have said that but when death is the reality she couldn’t let go. We were sad but relieved that she died without the tube ever being offered.

I wouldn't put an age on it. I want to go if I've lost capacity and / or I need people coming to wipe my backside four times a day.