Not to want to live past my 80s

So all the Ill or frail or those with life limitting conditions, children, teens, your adults, middle age people, should they be wishing themselves dead too? My grandmother bravely fought asbestos cancer and lost in her late 80s. She would have loved longer. My Dad in his 70s puts younger people to shame. Fitter than most.

If you go into old age with such a pessimistic and defeatist attitude, it won't be great no matter 'what cards you have been dealt'.

Agree. That said my dp's gd is in his 90's and still lives in his house. However he's reliant on family members to come and visit, take him shopping and do the garden. He's doing well for his age in the sense he can still do basic self care, but it seems so lonely and dare I say it, boring.

I hope if I get to that age I am still able to work my way round an Xbox controller

I think it’s a valid thought process, my mum worked in aged care for ages and used to tell me she wanted a hitman for her 60th birthday because she just didn’t want to get “old”, she turns 59 in a few weeks and I bet if I asked her she will have changed her mind. My dad has been carrying on since he turned 40 that he’ll “be dead soon” because all the men in his family died in their early 50s and he’s just turned 60.

It’s all personal circumstance and health etc. I do think people, especially the elderly and unwell, should have the choice to assisted death through.

forall, i agree, but once the ' mind ' goes then some people cant make any decisions for them selves and the law is to keep people alive, even if they dont really want to be or would not want to live like it at all.

You can age in all sorts of ways, it's impossible to say.

I know 90 year olds who live independently. Some are happy, some are miserable. I suspect that's personality as much as anything.

I know people in their 70s and 80s who struggle with pain and mobility. Again some struggle but are still completely engaged with the world, some find living very hard.

I know some dementia sufferers who are confused and anxious the whole time, some who live quite happily in their own world.

I think your mental health is as important as your physical health.

So long as my mental health is good and I have compassionate people to help me when I need it I will take every day I'm given and be grateful for it.

But I know good mental health support and respectful, kind and generous care is often incredibly hard to find so I will have to be very lucky, or win the lottery in the next few years.

Its such a controversial subject and i can see why governments do not want to police it as some people will ' persuade ' someone to go ahead and die when there isnt any need, probably motivated by money at times too, so i can see both sides. it would need a ton of red tape to be done properly.

As long as my mind is still OK I am more than happy to live beyond 90.

My dad really took care of himself , not overweight , didnt drink or smoke, walked everywhere and was physically fit up till a few years ago and is now 96.
been retired for years having my mum and us run around after him. hasnt stopped him having mixed dementia and alzheimers though! that is an age related illness, in his case at least.

There’s no expiry date on quality of life. The truth is if you take care of yourself the majority of ‘age related illnesses’ don’t happen, which is why wealthy people who take their health seriously live longer and better quality lives.

Its so sad , we went to look at a few homes for my dad and all one lady kept saying was ' have you come to take me home dear'? it was heartbreaking yet people are being kept alive who would, i think, rather not be, but you cant say anything as it sounds harsh and cruel to say this and its all 'gods will' and so on. my dad has altered beyond belief and is terrified of leaving his home. I am in despair over it all as are many many people are. i wouldnt want to live like it,

Yep agree I've worked in a nursing home and in the Nhs and I absolutely do not want to be elderly lonely and frail. Living into my late 80's or longer holds no appeal to me whatsoever.

@The80sweregreat Guernsey is debating it right now. The chief minister is in favour as are about 90% of the electorate if the polls are correct.

Assisted dying would have to be regulated a lot though. This is probably why any governments are not keen on the idea!

totally agree, i said it to my fil who is 92 and he was a bit affronted by it - ' what will you do then 80s eh?' good question.
Specialist clinics are expensive and you need to have a terminal illness and not in this country either! my dad wasnt too bad up to a few years ago , dementia has taken his soul away and he will end up in a care home, where he really does not want to be and hate me and my siblings forever. i would hate for my children to have this burden too. I have been to a few care homes recently, the staff are doing their best, but to end up as those people were makes me shudder. i hate it all and would rather just die quietly and peacefully myself if i get like it, but i dont have that right in this country as it stands.

Assisted dying always make me think of the film Logan's Run. I think we have to be really careful if we go down that road.

Or Soylent Green come to that.

65 is young, certainly not “old”. I think 80s is old.

My Gran died of bowel cancer at 80. I cared for her till her death. I would not wish her death on my worst enemy and I have to admit it has absolutely terrified me, I am now incredibly anxious about getting older and dying. (This was 14 years ago now so not recent to me either).

My Gran suffered with anxiety and depression her whole life and would often say she didn’t want to live anymore and yet faced with the reality of dying she clung to life relentlessly. I won’t go into the details but she was here 2 weeks longer than everyone said she should have been, in an almost vegetative state.

Getting older is just awful. I am 38 and I feel very depressed about it if I’m honest. Once you get to your 50s onwards your body is downhill all the way health wise and that prospect is dreadful.

I think we should have more choice about when we end our own lives in the Uk.

NameChanger22 65 is so young still though

I can't afford to live past 65, so that would be a good time to go.

Assisted dying always make me think of the film Logan's Run. I think we have to be really careful if we go down that road.

*luckily

Op you have described my mum exactly. Since she turned 90 she has a lot of pain in her joints and can't get around that much. Her mind is still very sharp and she has an amazing memory but her body is letting her down. Luckiky she has a big family so there is enough of us to care for her without outside help. I am not ready to lose her yet, I don't think I ever will be.

YANBU I really really dont. My husbands 16 years older than me and im a SAHM... was on minimum wage before leaving work... so not realistically going to ever earn that much even if I do eventually return to work (just about to give birth to another baby so wont be for some time)

So essentially im looking at old age spent in poverty and completely alone. I have no brothers or sisters or even any cousins.... my husbands family are not really involved in our lives and hes an only child as well anyway so they are all much older so would be dead by the time im that age...

So I think id just end up being a sad burden on my kids... or in a state funded nursing home with no visitors.

Would much rather be dead.
I am actually a member of dignitas but hope they make euthanasia legal in this country so I could die at a reasonable age in comfort surrounded by people I love....
I know thats not what everyone wants but surely people should be allowed to do that if they want?? What with the ageing population and the scaling back of social services and benefits...... I mean what is the point of keeping people who dont want to be alive alive in terrible conditions??

"Lingering" is such a awful word to use about somebody living to an old age it implies to me you're staying alive longer than you really ought to, which isn't really for anyone other than the individual to say. I fear this kind of language contributes to the notion that if people are no longer healthy and fit and begin to struggle with health or need more care, it's somehow wrong for them to stay alive much longer.

I have a lot of respect for the scientist in the news recently who decided to travel to end his life at dignitas while he was still able to, in the absence of any terminal illness. I strongly believe we must be allowed to be in charge of when we decide to leave the world, and afforded the ability to do it in as pain free and dignified way as possible.

I’m not scared of being dead, it’s only like before you were born. It’s the manner of my death that worries me.