Not to want to live past my 80s

ZOMBIE THREAD

How true. My FiL never smoked, hardly drank, was never overweight, was cycling and playing tennis into his early 80s - but he still got dementia.

I agree - both parents are in their mid 80's, their health is failing and their quality of life is shit, I don't think I could stand it/

Agreed, it comes down to good health and having family/friends and not being lonely.

Both my grandads lived to 90. They both missed their wives and had just had enough and both expressed they wanted to die.

One was as sharp as a pin in his mind but his body was weak and frail and he could barely see so couldn't enjoy life. The other was fit and healthy in his body and very strong but had dementia and wasn't there mentally. Being so strong worked against him as he physically fought my aunt who tried to look after him and in the end had to go in a home. They both had a miserable last few years.

Assisted dying has been debated in Guernsey States (our parliament) over the last couple of days and has been rejected.

My godmother is 91. She drives. She reads the papers and grills you on current affairs, she goes for walks, hosts friends for afternoon tea, cooks as well as she did 50 years ago and has her hair done once a week. She lives a good life. Yes, she has her health - that's what it boils down too. But please don't fear that life is terrible for everyone of this age. Lots of people live very well until a ripe old age.

Just watched Joanna Lumley's programme on Japan last night. Not a great programme, and she is irritating, but she is 72!!!!!
And Helen Mirren just looks amazing in her seventies. Not without a lot of 'work' I guess, but even so.

I do agree in some ways, it's certainly not something I'd want for myself but it really depends on the person. DH's great grandma has just turned 97 & honestly she is amazing. Still drives (& fully competent doing so), goes to weekly tea dances, has no help at home & still manages to keep a far more organised house than me. His grandfather (her son) on the other hand has been like a creaking gate for several years now.

I think you just have to take what life gives you and make the most of it.
My grandfather lived to 96, he lived life like it was one big party and finally dropped down dead of a heart attack when out with his new girlfriend (she was a comparatively sprightly 85) on a date.
My grandmother died at 65 of cancer
My mother has Alzheimer's at 64 and is going down hill fast - it's weird as she's a very 'old lady' compared with the rest of our parents thanks to the crappy disease.
DHs grandmother is still going at 95 but is possibly only happy when she's complaining about life (this isn't an old age thing she's been like it her whole life)

If I got to choose how I go it would be like my grandfather - he enjoyed life and lived every moment of it, right up til he died. His funeral was amazing so many people came to celebrate his life and told mad stories from their shared experiences. People who hadn't seen him for years (like 40-50yrs) came after hearing about his passing and wanted to say goodbye.
His life wasn't always easy, my grandmother was his world and it was hard when she died , he had a fall at 87 which ended him up in hospital, he had cancer at 90 (thankfully operated and it was caught), he wasn't a rich man ( my dad grew up in a few rooms in another relatives house, with a tin bath and an outside loo) but he knew how to enjoy what he had and make friends of all ages.
Wish my kids had known him.

@Twounder1 The first part of your post sounds rather morbid. How does that work? Why 65 for you? That's no age at all.

my dad hasn't got a house but he wants to stay in his council one! He is terrified of going into a home. I am dreading the day he had to go as he will hate me forever.

June Brown is 91. William Roache is 86, I could go on. I have a Woman of 101 on my FB, she posts pictures with Snap-chat Filters and is always out and about. She is enjoying life and is valued by her Family. I've known people who are well, in their 90's.

My Mum and my Nan would have been well, past 80, if they hadn't smoked. My Mum had good results with Radiation treatment (lung Cancer), but then started smoking again. She was very blase about dying. Then my DD had a baby and my Mum realised that she wasn't ready to die, but by then it was too late. Her Cancer had started up again. So don't think that you won't have anything to live for.

Having worked in Elderly Care and with lots of families, I know it would be abused. I met one Woman trapped in her own home, because her children wee putting pressure on her over needing to hang on to the house for their Inheritance. She loved a respite stay in a Care Home.

I wonder as well how much it would change our thinking towards what constitutes a valuable life. i can remember when there was an attitude towards Single Mums, in the 80's and it was often said that if they didn't want to live in poverty, they should have aborted.

Many Elderly people feel useless etc. I could see many thinking that this is what they should be doing.

I'm a believer in the 'tapping in' theory if that's what it is. Where you can sorta predict what age etc. But I think it's mind over matter.
My granddad for example knew he was going to die at 70. He did. An lots of my family members have predicted the age they'll go but I'm convinced it's placebo effect..
I think 65 for myself. My mom thinks 76 for her.

I'd like to live a bit longer than 65. But I'd hate to go on crippled which I will be due to Rhumethoid arthritis. If I had dementia speaking from now, I think I'd like to give up as soon as I can't remember my kids anymore.

it’s nice that people agree with me. Lots don’t. I feel so strongly about all this but I have no faith in governments to do anything sensible about it.

I agree that you can’t put an age limit on it, it very much depends on the person and their quality of life. I don’t want someone looking after me, cleaning up after me, turning me to prevent bed sores, feeding me drugs to try and control the pain (which I’ve seen from experience don’t always work). If I get to that stage whether I am 60 or 90, don’t keep me alive. It serves no purpose.

I would hope that checks and balances would be put in place to prevent abuse.

My exh DM was nearly 102 when she died. Up until about 6 or 9 months before she died she loved her life.

She was admitted to hospital with some unexplained internal bleeding and went to sleep one night and didn't wake up.

Now that's how everyone should die.

There are a couple of amazing ladies I play tennis with sometimes at my tennis club who are in their 80s.

While I agree that I wouldn’t want to live if life became unbearable, you shouldn’t put an age limit on it. Everyone is different.

The80. Yes the idea that life is sacred is all very well if it has some quality if not, then perhaps it not so sacred. You're right, that's the attitude that needs to change.

I want to live to the age that I can still do everything I want to independently, whatever age that maybe. I would hate to have to depend on others and wouldn't want either DH or DC or carers to look after me in any way. I've done loads with my life already and will continue with my bucket list for as long as possible.

Nooooo Accountant222 I'm 70 in six months and I'm full of beans, loving life at the moment and very happy.

Pigs - I agree.
I think that a clinic in the UK would be great.
People who have advanced cancer can refuse treatment so they can control it a bit ( if they wish) dementia and other mental health conditions are harder to police of course. Doctors will not sign you off as life is sacred. That’s what needs to change I guess.

70 will do me

The80s I suppose any system of this sort is open to abuse, people murder people for money so I suppose getting granny to go a bit quicker than she might otherwise so they can get their grubby paws on her savings might be a motivation for some people. But I'm not sure, if the whole procedure was properly ring fenced, that that would be able to happen on a regular basis - is there a huge increase in the deaths of old people in Switzerland since they introduced it there?

In the case of dementia obviously you wouldn't be able to agree so maybe that's where the living will comes in that we could all write while we'll still able to.

It's not an easy thing, that's for sure.

My grandad is 90 this year and is very independent. If I aged like him, I would be happy to live forever.

That being said, I wouldn't want to age 'badly' but age isn't always the decided factor for that. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and died in her 70s. At the end she was just a shell, which was horrendous. I'd rather die before I couldn't look after myself but unfortunately that's not a choice you can time easily.

Pigs- I’m all for it myself regardless- but if there were a few clinics open I’m sure a few relatives would be having ‘conversations ‘ with the person about going there ‘ for the best’ Money is a great motivator for some people and this is one of its biggest flaws- human nature ( or the worst of it!)even if it was because people don’t want them to suffer and it’s not motivated by anything but love. How would you know though? It would have to be policed and also - if you have dementia- you wouldn’t be able to agree to it yourself anyway.