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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go swimming with a dad ...

113 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:29

I'm friends with a local dad. I take DS2 swimming in the afternoons sometimes. The dad has suggested that he and his DD tag along sometime. (We do things in the afternoon pretty often, the four of us, or the six of us when we have our older kids with us.)

Frankly, I find swimming with a female friend slightly stressful and weird. I don't exactly live in a burka or anything, but swimsuits are frankly too revealing imo and I just really don't feel comfortable with the idea.

(And yes, I do sometimes run into dads I know at the pool, and I'm friendly and nice, and it's fine really. But I wouldn't set out to run into a bloke there!)

OP posts:
Nightynight · 15/05/2007 21:33

In the situation you describe, NQC, I would require an Edwardian bathing suit to feel at ease.

Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 21:28

You could of course, bite the bullet, go swiming with him and if his lunch box is suitably impressive....ask him for dinner!

luckylady74 · 15/05/2007 21:26

i find sitting down in the shallows and holding my stomach in works. i also have my expensive but very thick and flattering racing green suit or my very cheap mark one swim shorts. i also pick up my children whenever i get out of the pool- as a body cover up 2yr old twins are great!. i love people who let it all hang out, but i can't ever - i'm worried about going to a spa with my best friends! remember let him exit the pool first - the thought of someone behind me as i climb up the ladder - yuck!

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 15/05/2007 21:21

have been swimming with a dad. he was too involved with his son to notice what i looked like so yabu

suwoo · 15/05/2007 21:18

YANBU. I can't cope going swiming with my mum, would NOT go with DH and would certanly NEVER go with another man.

bighug · 15/05/2007 21:15

I am with you on this one. you are not being unreasonable. it's got nothing to do with whether you think he might be looking at you/fancy you does it? It's just the weird fact that when you are in a swimming pool, you are just presenting and are presented with lots of flesh and body that in normal social situations would be convered up. If you are going swimming for fitness then you jump in and just swim, but with kids there is the social aspect which goes with it, and like you say, it's standing around up to your ankles with everything on display. i went to a swimming birthday party for a 4 year old and although I quite enjoyed it, it did feel odd trying to focus on people's faces and not look at their hairy chests or thighs when normally I only see them every day at the nursery drop-off. I was really pregnant come to think of it (about 36 weeks) so I guess I had that excuse for feeling large and wobbly. To sum up, it would not be my choice of a half term outing with a dad or a mum and I do not think you are odd to feel uncomfortable.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:14

NQC - I wouldn't go to the pool with a man, no matter how good friends they were. I have issues about my body, but even if I were a goddess, I would just feel weird. I am a bit of a prude in that way though! Not prudish about sex - just swimming

ThursdayNext · 15/05/2007 21:11

I don't really like wearing a swimming costume and exposing my ginormous thighs in public. But I take DS swimming, because I figure it's pretty silly of me. But it seems like most of the women in the pool at the carer and toddler session are skinny, and I'm sure there are loads of mums who don't go swimming with their dcs because they don't want to wear a swimsuit.
Which is not relevant at all really, but anyway, I guess I meant to say maybe we should try to be a bit less hung up about the swimsuit thing.
So I reckon you should go with him.
Go on, you're brave enough.

Twiglett · 15/05/2007 21:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable

don't do things that make you uncomfortable .. why should you?

fishie · 15/05/2007 21:05

oh just got that. really sniggering a LOT. (sorry nqc)

fishie · 15/05/2007 21:04

do you think you could ever be comfortable swimming? i can see it isn't so much he's a man, just he knows you so you aren't all anonymous in your black lycra.

i swim a lot so have well and truly got over this, but i used to be really freaked by being basically naked in public.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 20:59
happybiggirl · 15/05/2007 20:59

Message withdrawn

speccy · 15/05/2007 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 20:56

LOL at eyeing up his speedo clad lunchbox

No you're not being unreasonable. The thought of displaying my wobbly thighs to anyone is horrific.

But I guess we don't wear burkhas in our culture so you just have to gulp and do it

rowan1971 · 15/05/2007 20:52

Get one of them burqinis. It will be a talking point.

glassslipper · 15/05/2007 20:51

why dont you go and get a new swimsuit? maybe one with a skirty bit, that you might feel more comfortable in?

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:49

He is a nice guy, we get along well.

Ok, I should just get over it.

Thing is, I go swimming basically never, so I just am not comfortable in my swimming costume. DS2 is pretty mad for swimming atm, so I will no doubt end up going swimming more these days ...

OP posts:
Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 20:49

I would hate to even swim with men let alone go with a male friend! I mean if you were dating them, you wouldn't let them see that much until whatever date so swimming with someone you aren't even dating...oooh

Added to which, I would die if someone other than DH saw my stretch marks!!!

glassslipper · 15/05/2007 20:48

i just think youre thinking too much about the whole thing. he sounds like a nice guy. my dh takes dd swimming often and would be gutted if some of our swimming mum friends felt uncofortable.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:47

Oh, I don't mind other men being in the pool! I just don't want to go swimming with a bloke I know! (I'm not that keen on swimming with women I know, either.)

Ok, so some of you think I'm a freak, and some of you understand. I guess that's about normal.

OP posts:
speccy · 15/05/2007 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:46

Oh, awen, he's not isolated, trust me - he has lots of mum friends. His DD goes to the same co-op as my DS1, and we're around at each other's houses at least once a week, often more. No, it doesn't take guts for him to ask, it's perfectly normal, we're always doing stuff together.

But yeah, I also don't want to see him in a swimsuit, no thank you.

Hmmm, I could always take off my glasses for swimming. That would make me more comfortable. But then I can't see DS1 if he goes too far away. Grrr.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 15/05/2007 20:46

He won't be looking at you - he'll be watching his kids. He won't be any different to any of the other men who are in the pool at the same time.

It would be nice for your ds to have some company in the pool, wouldn't it?

FlossALump · 15/05/2007 20:44

Thing is - would the kids enjoy it? Once you are in the water unless he is trying really hard to look there isn't a great deal to see really. And if he does try hard to look, then be flattered but don't go again!