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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go swimming with a dad ...

113 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 20:29

I'm friends with a local dad. I take DS2 swimming in the afternoons sometimes. The dad has suggested that he and his DD tag along sometime. (We do things in the afternoon pretty often, the four of us, or the six of us when we have our older kids with us.)

Frankly, I find swimming with a female friend slightly stressful and weird. I don't exactly live in a burka or anything, but swimsuits are frankly too revealing imo and I just really don't feel comfortable with the idea.

(And yes, I do sometimes run into dads I know at the pool, and I'm friendly and nice, and it's fine really. But I wouldn't set out to run into a bloke there!)

OP posts:
LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 16/05/2007 08:16

nqc a good costuemwill solve this
my £££ one form baravissimo make me feel fab and its wuite thick so there are no nipple issues

also find ocloru that suits you
dont go tfor balck it aint sliimign agianst a white swiming pool
fro cheap try bhs - they so lots of speedo type ones wiht longer bodys or even ow cut bottoms
regarding large thighs i am alwayss impressed wiht women of different shapes who go swimming and hte more they hold hteir head high the better they look
went ot a pool party on sunday wiht a slim size 12 woman whominced to the edge of the pool in a ssarong fgs
she looked totally stupid as it was a kids party iwht like three men there and she had nothign to hide.

powder28 · 16/05/2007 08:14

I have seen many a hirsute woman in the local pool for local people. They chat away for an hour and then leave.

tigermoth · 16/05/2007 07:55

ps - nice to see you, tinker - haven't seen you here for ages!

tigermoth · 16/05/2007 07:52

Absolutly with you on this, NQC. I know I'd feel odd and tbh, I think you should not feel obligated to do it.

I am of the short sighted, don't wear glasses in pool group, so can see where you are coming from, no pun intended.

I like swimming, and go to the pool quite a lot with ds2. After he has his swimming lesson, I get changed and join him in the water. This means that mums and dads who have been watching the lesson get to see me in a swimsuit which feels a tiny bit odd, but ok as the water comes up to my shoulders once I am in the water.

But you've got to stand around in shallow water, so quite a different matter!

I also belong to an all year round outdoor swimming club - we go to our local lido (not in the winter, though). The pool has a special early morning session for the club so I can get in a nice quiet swim. It is very refreshing.

I am often the only woman - most club members are men between 40 - 70 ( some of them rather nice ). They are all very friendly and chatty and keep inviting me to go into the communal shower afterwards to stand under the showers to wash out the chlorine from my swimsuit. It is a very practical idea, but I know other people (men) would be using the shower with me and it just feels too odd. I make an excuse and rinse out my wetsuit at home.

I think you could consider wearing a wetsuit in the pool. I bought a wetsuit to wear in the cooler months, to keep warm but also to preserve my modesty. (Cool water does rather dramatic things to nipples). The wetsuit stops just above my knees and elbows and I feel much beter in it. As you get towards the summer months you can pick up wetsuit quite cheaply - I heard tescos were doing them for £15.00 last year. I have seen several swimming instructors wearing these types of wetsuits in our pool. You could check with your pool first to see if its acceptable.

I also think you could get away with wearing a T shirt over your swimsuit or shorts. I have seen lots of swimming instructors and some parents doing this both for standing at the side instructing or going into the water. I've also seen lots of swimmers wear a short sarong in the water, which looks lovely.

So if you decide to go with your male friend , I think you have lots of covering-up options. You could easily end up with an outfit that is no more revealing than what you'd wear on a sunny beach.

But honestly, if you still feel odd about it, You Are Not Being Unreasonable to say NO.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 07:25

Oh, I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to shop at Bravissimo, I am not impressively-norked. Very pear shaped, but with shoulders.

OP posts:
slimmerjim · 16/05/2007 07:00

I understand. Part of my heart sank when the dad of one of dd's friends said they'd joined the local health club. My thoughts turned to how often we'd bump into each other in the pool with the kids at weekends. Nice people though.

elsieanjoanne · 16/05/2007 06:36

I generally only shave bits on show below knee an pits! i love swiming have just brought new cozzie with bra cup in an tummy panel! from here

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 16/05/2007 06:15

I just generally refuse to do shaving etc, but in the summer I do my calves, so I can be happy in shorts. But for swimming, wtf am I to do? It doesn't help that I went in a sleeveless outfit to a black tie do, so have stubbley pits rather than properly hairy ones now.

I will probably go, though, it's silly not too, I just will find it stressful and weird, at least initially.

OP posts:
ruty · 16/05/2007 01:25

I get it too. LOL at the holding of the tummy Aitch. Since having ds i am of the 'wrap a towel around my body until the last second i enter the pool' brigade. He probably won't be looking but i would feel funny.

AitchTwoOh · 16/05/2007 01:07

i completely get it. poor dd has never been swimming in her life as i hate it. don't hate my body, as such, in fact i rather like it. nor do i hate getting wet or swimming, per se. but i just can't be arsed with all the shaving and body brushing and frittery business of it all. and the holding in of the tummy.

and i'm short sighted so there's also the 'do i wear specs or do i swim blind?' thing. so, add a bloke to that equation and i'd run for the hills. after getting dressed, of course.

Clary · 16/05/2007 00:30

NQC you need to talk yourself into this.

We have seen what you look like and you look fine. Go for a swim session with your nice pal. It's not as tho he'll see you in the changing room, will he?

I do not look fine in a swimmy but love to swim and go on my own and with the kids twice a week. It's fine. Even when I met the (rather dishy) dad of one of DS2's best pals (I only knew the mum before) who spent the entire session playing with his DSs and DS2 who totally abandoned me lol.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 23:42

Go and spend about £90 on a flattering swimsuit

Yes I know, it's too expensive, but you feel entitled to go swimming in it having spent that money

Tinker · 15/05/2007 23:40

Oh god, I'm completely with you on this. Too much flesh [shudder]

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 23:32

Oh, I'd just feel silly.

I wouldn't actually mind owning a swimsuit with a skirt. I had one when pregnant, and I liked it, more than I've liked any other swimsuit, since I was a kid. (I am v pear-shaped, I look like a Robert Crumb drawing, tbh!)

I should probably get a swimsuit with a skirt, or even a swimsuit I actually like. (I currently have a speedo one that's ok, bought at the swimming pool, and a purple one that is also okish. But neither is nice.)

OP posts:
madamez · 15/05/2007 23:30

Hmm, NQC. How about one of those all-in-one neoprene jobs that holds it all in, shoves it up in the right places, etc, and keeps you warm (claim to have either bizarre skin disease or extreme sensitivity to cold)...

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 23:05

No, they're young (DS2 is 2.5, DS1 is 5.5). And the pool enforces the whole ratio thing quite rigorously, to put it mildly.

I think I'd feel even more self-conscious on the sidelines, tbh.

OP posts:
madamez · 15/05/2007 22:49

Are your kids of an age where they won't drown if you're watching from the sidelines? Could you maybe sit on a seat with your clothes on, clutching the towels and the Thermos of tea for afterwards while the bloke disports himself with the DCs (you don';t have to gawp at his lunchbox if you don't want to?)

iota · 15/05/2007 22:41

I am ROFL

I go swimming most weeks with the family - we often bump into people that we know -I am past caring - and I am a middle aged old bat with V wobbly thighs

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 22:41

(I lived in a country where a swimming pool was normal! I wasn't posh! It was above-ground, not in-ground! [twitch])

OP posts:
1dilemma · 15/05/2007 22:39

This is hysterical then to top it all off NQC had a swimming pool as a child. Read it all in one go it is sooo funny

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 22:36

Oh, I'd be fine swimming with my dad, happy swimming with DH, and am ok about swimming with another woman, just a bit twitchy.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 22:35

Oh, there's no ladder! It's a beach. I will, by and large, be standing there, in water up to my ankles.

Well, I tend to sit or lie down, as it's colder standing up, but still.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2007 22:34

I should really just get over it.

I'm not thin, but I actually like my body. I feel more attractive nude than in a swimsuit. Not that I plan to swim in the nude!

I was not raised in a nudity-friendly culture (Canada), and haven't been comfortable in a swimsuit for ages.

(I probably would be more comfortable in a skirted swimsuit, tbh. Not least because that resolves various pubic topiary type issues I have! But I don't think I can face shopping for a suimsuit ...)

The only place I've done a lot of swimming is in Iceland, where you have to shower naked (admittedly only with your own gender) before going in. And there are cannisters of soap, and big diagrams showing where you have to wash! But I would just shower without my glasses, so everyone was blurry vague shapes (and in my head, I was a blurry vague shape to other people).

Oh yeah, and I didn't run into anyone I knew, because hey, it was Iceland.

Yes, I do have to Just Get Over It. I know.

(Ha, I did grow up with a decent-sized pool in my back garden. I spent whole summers in my swimming costume, as a child.)

OP posts:
macmama73 · 15/05/2007 21:48

lol, I think I will print this and show it to the next German friend who laughs at me for going into the sauna with my swimmy on! They find me so prudish, and can't understand why I refuse to use the sauna naked like everyone else.

I can understand you not wanting to go swimming with the dad, I would not be keen either.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 15/05/2007 21:34

I would require the Edwardian changing box