DH didn’t stop when I said stop

What a truly nasty, vile and utterly disrespectful comment from @mathanxiety
Distasteful in the extreme

Maybe she's in the hospital getting stitched back up again, Sofia...

@AnyFucker even if the op reported this to the police I very much doubt they would even go as far as arresting the husband

I don't disagree there, but why is that?

I sometimes feel sorry for men after reading posts on here.

Yes, it's definitely the rapey men we should be feeling pity for.

My God.

Op was initially enjoying the sex, op seemingly wanted to have sex. It became painful and so she asked him to stop, he continued for 5 seconds until he came. Yes that was wrong and unacceptable but without any other context, to call the husband a rapist seems slightly hysterical.

The information you have included in here is precisely what makes him a rapist, isn't it? He continued for 5 seconds until he came...after she had said stop.

Do tell me, where is your personal line? What if his orgasm had taken 10 seconds to achieve? 30? What defines rape, if not the absence of consent?

@Unicornsandrainbows3

Ffs, Womens Aid, Rape Crisis?!

I wish op would come back to give some info re her relationship in general. If she is in an abusive relationship and this incident is just the latest of many then yes she needs help.

However, if this was a one off (which is what it seemed like from her posts) then I think a talk with her husband (which op has done) then not having sex again until op feels ready and wants to is enough.

All this talk of reporting to the police, divorce and getting help from Rape Crisis is just so ridiculous.

Op was initially enjoying the sex, op seemingly wanted to have sex. It became painful and so she asked him to stop, he continued for 5 seconds until he came. Yes that was wrong and unacceptable but without any other context, to call the husband a rapist seems slightly hysterical.

I sometimes feel sorry for men after reading posts on here.

@balsamicbarbara

"A raised voice" is domestic violence? In that case I'm a victim of abuse, and so is my husband, my children and pretty much everyone one I know. What a ridiculous statement.

I

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. Please reach out to Women's aid or rape crisis if you need IRL support. It will take time to process so please be gentle with yourself.

@MrsDeltaB

That's exactly my thoughts, the husband has been selfish and thoughtless but imo saying it was rape is going too far.

@AnyFucker even if the op reported this to the police I very much doubt they would even go as far as arresting the husband.

*concept of 'consent'

It's incredible to think that the law-makers of a generation ago - many (most?) of whom would've been men - could get their heads around the concept of 'concept' and 'bodily autonomy' to the extent that rape within marriage was made illegal.

But there are still (young) women today who don't think they have full rights over their own bodies.

Rape isn't only violent. And it isn't only done by evil strangers.

Should he be classed as, accused and treated as the scum that makes a rapist? No. 100%

Why?

Sofialemon

Whether or not you or I would end a marriage over this is blindingly irrelevant. The fact that it is the first time is blindingly irrelevant. Neither changes what this is.

'Relatively small' is not how I would choose to describe this, but crack on with the minimising.

MrsDeltaB

'All the definitions are not helpful'.

What, except yours? And, to boot, yours is wrong as well? How is that more helpful than a correct definition?

Not sure why he didn't pull out and cum? Pulling out wouldn't have stopped him. He raped instead :(

"over what I'd class as a relatively small incident"

That's your right, but I'm not sure most nowadays would consider marital rape to be a "small incident".

It's a bit like domestic violence. Some people think it requires years of sustained, heavy violence. But at the end of the day, any scrap of violence in the domestic setting is domestic violence, whether that's a single slap, a raised voice, or a punch to the head.

For those that don't think this is rape, I'd love to know what you do define as rape?

I'm actually pissed off with the amount of people here excusing this man.

I've been in a similar situation, when my now ex had an operation he needed time to recuperate. We had sex some weeks later, I was on top and about to orgasm when I asked me to stop as he was in pain. I stopped immediately and made sure he was ok, it never would've crossed my mind to continue!

I'm sorry you're married to a rapist, please report him.

If a woman is a victim of domestic abuse, but does not believe or feel she is, does that mean she isn't? Of course not. Many women take years to leave an abusive partner and years to even accept they are being abused.

Just because the OP may not feel she has been raped, it doesn't mean it isn't rape. Whilst the OP started this thread, this is a discussion forum with thousands of readers. I'd prefer someone read this thread, realised they are a victim of rape and seek help than read it, feel they are being 'overdramatic' and continue to put up with it.

'Scream rape' MrsD? Come on now. You must realise how offensive that is or you are incredibly naive. Rape is a very serious matter. You say you aren't a rape apologist but you don't come across that way at all.

There is no point of no return. There is only a point at which his wishes override yours.

I was married to a man like this for 20 years. I thought we loved each other. I thought it was entirely normal. It’s not. Or rather it is, but it sure as hell shouldn’t be.

We separated 18 months ago. I finally realised that his wishes would always override mine, not just sexually, though over the years that had happened more and more. It was the best thing I ever did.

I now have a new man. When we met I was a bit freaked out during sex sometimes. There would be some things that he did that triggered me- totally my issues not his. But every time I said stop- every time I even started to look a tiny bit uncomfortable, he stopped. He stopped because he didn’t want to have sex with someone who wasn’t totally enjoying it. Nice men don’t.

MrsD, your lofty opinion, so generously given, means the square root of Fuck All in the eyes of the law

Op may choose not to go down that route, but if she felt able to she would be entirely justified

You don't need to 'scream' rapist, MrsDeltaB. It's perfectly fine to just say it.

Again, the laws doesn't differentiate by what people 'feel'. The law is the law, as uncomfortable as that might be.

I have to agree with a PP (sorry no name recalled). Please take the technical views away from this thread. All the definitions etc are not helpful.

Was he a bastard for this? Yes. 100%

Was he wrong for this? Yes. 100%

Does OP reserve the right to be incredibly pissed off with him? Yes. 100%

Should she reserve the right to be reluctant to have sex again? Yes. 100%

Should he be crawling on his ass in apology and remorse? Yes. 100%

Should he be classed as, accused and treated as the scum that makes a rapist? No. 100%

He was thoughtless, selfish, wrong, and words I can't express but I'm sorry, I can't scream rapist in this.

That does not make me an apologist. And I will stand by that. I am not condoning his actions but feel rape is too far a call.

But if this issue is so black and white then surely it should be reported