DH didn’t stop when I said stop

So to be clear. To all those claiming rape, a hypothetical question for you.

if this was your husband, you were happily married and in love with each other and he was a good man and you'd just had a child together, you would LTB and divorce over this 5 second incident?

I don't think it was rape, but it was inconsiderate and hurtful both to your feelings and your physical self. If it were me, I would not be trusting him again and it would put me off wanting to have sex with him in the future.

I had a terrible vaginal delivery. It took me a long time to recover both physically and mentally. i remember going for my six week check up and the doctor was very concerned when I told him I still hadn't had sex. He told me I must do so, and seemed to think it very abnormal. I don't know why i didn't shout at him. What is wrong with some men?

How are you today OP?
Your husband raped you when he continued after you said no. Has he done anything like this before?

I know it’s physically difficult for men to stop when the floodgates open

It isn't, and I speak from personal experience. My wife suffered from a prolapse for years, then had surgery which left it's own problems and then compounded by the menopause and all that brings. I've stopped more times than I can count, at every stage of the process. If she asks me to stop, or if I sense she's feeling discomfort, I stop right away. No ifs, no buts, no just a few more thrusts. It's really not hard if you care for your partner.

What your OH did was vile and inexcusable. If you say stop, regardless of the reason and even if you don't give a reason, he should stop. Anything else is rape.

I’m sorry OP. I hope you are ok and have someone to talk to about this. Only you can decide what to do next, but please don’t minimise what has happened. What your husband did was absolutely and unquestionably wrong. You have every right to feel angry, sad, confused etc... Please take care of yourself. This really is a big deal.

Hiphopster

The problem is that still too many women are not comfortable to call "rape" when DH/DP do not stop when she says stop, I don't want to, don't do this..

The OP was having sex for the first time after giving birth. She felt pain, said "stop" and her DP instead of saying "sorry darling", discontinuing penetration and cumming outside if need to, chose not listening to her and disregard her pain. This is the opposite of what a loving partner feels and will do with his wife who has just given birth.

STOP means STOP (right now, not once you've finished)

NO means NO

What is so hard to understand?

I hope you're OK OP

Wise words from @Villageshop. However you need a hard talk and a very very clear red line to be drawn moving forwards.

VillageShop's words were indeed moving. But they were incorrect.

Oh OP I'm so sorry how are you feeling physically now? Are you still in pain?

Of course it is rape. You told him that you wanted him to stop because you were in agony and he refused, verbally. That must have been so frightening!

It must feel awful that his orgasm was more important to him than you being in pain after surgery. Are you going to tell him how it made you feel? We're all here to listen if you want to talk.

@Dragonmummy I do think your post sounds like you're minimising the situation. Do you think that because someone's a 'good' man or husband usually they can't commit rape?

I've seen so many threads on mumsnet before where people are posting about their relationship. After reading the OP, they're clearly with abusive partners. However the OP usually says they're a good husband and father etc despite evidence to the contrary.

So I think it is useful in this situation, to define what happened as rape. Otherwise the OP may minimise what happened. Just concentrating on the good husband factor.

I hope that makes sense

I’ve been raped - it doesn’t insult me - stop speaking for all women!

I’m 100% behind VillageShop on this.

I thought her words were very moving.

I’m sorry this happened OP

I wish people would stop this ‘you asked him to stop and 5 seconds later he did’ bollox - what you actually described was you asking him to stop and him ignoring you until he was finished - that is awful behaviour- people need to stop minimalising this

I think to say that the OP was raped by her husband is a massive insult to any woman who has been raped. What a ridiculous thing to say.

Listen to Villageshop OP She has given you the best advice on this thread.

Hooochycoo

Maybe her ever loving husband can get her some instead?

Maybe that will make up for raping her?

I can't believe there is so much man hating on this thread. Don't you realise that if a man fails to come when he needs to his balls will actually strangulate, turn blue and may even drop off? Do you want this to happen to the OP's husband?

Oh wait - they don't. As you were then.

ps Just because rape can also be accompanied by violence does not mean that if there is not violence there is no rape. Just because it can be carried out by strangers does not mean that if it is someone you know it is not rape. Just because you consented to sex at the start does not mean that if you call a halt part-way through (for example, because it is hurting) carrying on is not rape. Just because he didn't mean it to be rape does not mean that it isn't. That's what the law says, ffs (in England and Wales at any rate - perhaps we were wrong to assume the OP is from E&W, or of course some posters may not be. In that case they may be correct that in their jurisdiction it would not be rape).

Just because some people rob banks it doesn't mean that snatching a purse isn't theft. He didn't even push you over, and for all you know he might have needed that money more than you did. Nothing to see here.

She told him how she felt, Bellpuss.

He ignored her.

*Luisa27

OP - if you’re reading this - please listen to@DragonMummyand@Hooochy- they’re talking a lot of sense*

I agree with this

Have to second this @bellsbuss - villageshop is a very wise lady

@villageshop

When i first had sex post birth, i was very careful and would have stopped at any point, i loved her and the idea of causing her any pain or discomfort would have horrified me, she d given birth to our child, how could i have treated her with such disrespect?
Any man can pull out just before orgasm, its not difficult but he did nt want to.
The OP's partner behaved like a fcukin anilmal and in all honesty if that's what he thinks of her, then she should get rid.

Well this is unremittingly depressing.
So many women apparently unable to understand the concept of consent.

very near his climax and I said stop because I was uncomfortable. He said he was going to come, carried on then came about 5 seconds later.
She said stop, and she told him why.
He acknowledged what she had said.
He knew he was hurting her.
He knew her consent had been withdrawn.
Yet he kept on doing it.

I agree with village shop , OP speak to your husband and tell him how you feel

OP - if you’re reading this - please listen to @DragonMummy and @Hooochy - they’re talking a lot of sense.