DH didn’t stop when I said stop

There needs to be more respect for women after they have given birth. GOs need to stop the 6 weeks expectation. We are adults. When we are ready to have sex we will. If it is painful we shouldn’t have sex. If a man had had an op on his penis he wouldn’t be having sex if it hurt and certainly GPs wouldn’t be telling him to have sex.

I never said she was crying rape for kickd...i meant people who have done it for revenge or to see people suffer not once did I say the op....read the post again

So to be clear. To all those claiming rape, a hypothetical question for you.

if this was your husband, you were happily married and in love with each other and he was a good man and you'd just had a child together, you would LTB and divorce over this 5 second incident?

First of all, pleasebepolite, it's not "claiming" rape. Someone who is penetrating you when you have asked them not to is rape. That's what rape is. You might not think it's "real" rape or whatever, but it is.

I don't know what I'd do. But I do know I'd judge a man who continued to feel sexual desire even knowing he was hurting me. If I was the one who was enjoying it, and my partner asked me to stop because they were in pain and I was hurting them, that would kill my desire immediately.

@vivakondo how have you automatically assumed she didn't want it and was somehow forced....she said she was enjoying it stop putting words in someone's mouth they haven't said its awful. I never said it was ok did i. Read my post

My exh raped me 2 weeks pp . I confronted him the next day and he denied doing anything wrong. I took my wedding ring off and made plans to leave. Took me 18 months to get house and finances sorted but I moved out. .
Over a decade later I know what he did was rape, and I personally couldn't be married to a rapist.

@luisa27 thanks I'm glad someone sees my point. I am a rape victim and it's not a tag you want to carry around for life. Especially when it's this situation. It's thrown around too lightly and it's also the reason that the justice system struggles to prosecute any more. Not by any means sayong its not horrid what has happened but I think people are jumping in too quick and have likely traumatised the poor woman when really all she wanted was comfort and some advise.

Pleasebepolite

You've really flummoxed me there. Does that mean, if I say no, it therefore wasn't a rape?

Miss so are I saying that if you say YES to sex, the yoU never have the possibility to then withdraw your consent? Even if you are in pain??
Really?

Let’s put the OP situation into perspective. She had sex. Maybe because she somehow felt pressured to do so because her poor husband hadn’t sex for a while. Maybe because she thought that she ought to have sex was thing the first 6 weeks. Whatever the pressure, she felt she had to have sex even though she was worried it would hurt and was expecting to be very uncomfortable (see the ‘it wasn’t as bad as expected’ comment).
So here is someone who clearly made a huge effort to have sex.
And yes, she said YES.
But then as she is having sex and it becomes painful, she isn’t allowed to say NO anymore?
What if it was about anal sex and it was getting painful. Would she also have had to accept it because she said yes originally? (Which is what has happens to the numerous women who end up in A&E due to ‘rough’ anal sex that must have been painful seeing all the tearing there)

Or are you saying that it’s just the ‘rape’ word you disagree with?

In which case, how will you call the act of carrying to have sex with someone, with penetration of a penis, once the partner has withdrawn consent but had given their consent originally?
If it’s not rape. What is it? Just being a it disprespectful but really woman, just forget about it and get in with it? Sexual assault? What is it??

yet because of our justice system and people crying rape for kicks. . He got away with it

Sorry that happened to you, but the reason he got away with it and the problem with our criminal justice system definitely wasn't 'people crying rape for kicks'. Totally irresponsible and harmful to say it was.

@MissRegina - voice of reason.
Well said

if this was your husband, you were happily married and in love with each other and he was a good man and you'd just had a child together, you would LTB and divorce over him hitting you just the once

Sounds a bit different?

She was in agony, his needs more important to him than her telling him to stop.
Sounds like my old man who would justify hitting my Mum because the house wasnt tidy/dinner not ready or baby crying.,,, his feelings more important than hers.

Why is it different for @another ? Your quick to say he's raped his partner and no means no...but she's saying she took a few seconds to compute as did op partner...... I'm going to come isnt an acknowledgement......i hear it off my partner every time and funnily enough I've never asked him a question or stated something for this to be his response. Yes it wasn't ok and wasn't pleasant but rape is a very very strong word. Can ruin lives....surely a discussion first would be healthier?

Yes, it was rape - legally and morally..

Imagine the randiest animal on the planet with the lowest impulse control, a teenage boy. He's shagging his girlfriend and his mum walks into the bedroom to collect his socks - do you think he couldn't stop mid stroke? Of course he could.

OP's husband should have been on high alert - knowing she'd suffered birth damage. As others have said, what normal person would even want to continue to have sex knowing the person they were with was in pain?

Like others I'm also horrified by the level of rape apologise here. All I can think is that a lot of women have been brought up to think you must hold onto a man, any man, at all costs, and are in fact putting up with some horrific shit in their own lives - and admitting that this situation was rape (which it was) would mean admitting to the same in their own lives.

I bet 5 seconds is fucking ages while you’re being raped.

On the rare occasion I’ve asked anyone to stop, they’ve stopped.

Sorry this has happened to you OP.

All those trying to say this wasn't rape, the law disagrees with you. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, regardless of the relationship or history between those involved. Sex without consent is rape. There is no ambiguity in the law. Those of you trying to minimise this or make excuses for the OP's partner sre part of the problem, part of the resson we have such a strong rape culture in this country. And those of you playing rape top trumps, "calling this rape is an insult to victims of real rape" need to fuck off as far as the other side of fuck and then some.

Anothernamechanged
I don’t think there’s any doubt the dh heard the op. And recognised what she was saying. He responded. I’m about to come.

Besides which as a husband of a woman post operative after childbirth - he should have been on high alert for any issues. Her saying to stop, somethings not right, it hurts should hardly have been a surprise

if this was your husband, you were happily married and in love with each other and he was a good man and you'd just had a child together, you would LTB and divorce over this 5 second incident?

Yes.

Which isn’t to say I’d order the OP to. She needs to process this herself and come to her own decisions. But her husband prioritised his orgasm over her pain, he carried on after she said “stop”, after she was in so much pain that it brought tears to her eyes, after not just birth but surgery, because his orgasm was more important to him than any of that. Maybe it’s just a one-off incident. But it’s a pretty massive one-off, isn’t it?

Ever thoight actually I'm going to come was merely him saying that not him acknowledging her pain. I swear during an orgasm sometimes I think it would take a blow round the head for me to hear anything......just saying

it's not something he'd said before and we were both enjoying it

I don't think you raped your husband,@anothernamechanged, but that's a pretty odd thing to say. You were both enjoying it except for the person who had asked the other person to stop and they hadn't? Not sure what point you're trying to illustrate except that yes, spouses are capable of disregarding a withdrawal of consent.

another there is a big difference between your situation and the OP.
In your case, things were ‘normal’ and ther was no reason to think something was ‘wrong’.

In the case of the OP, her DH knew it was the first they wouod have sex after giving birth. He should have know she was worried about it being painful (and tbh, he should have been able to guess and/or ask). So his awareness of something potentially going wrong should have bee;pen heightened to the nth degree. He should have been in a option where he would have been on the look out for signs of pain. He should have been ready to listen.

@pfftlife @villageshop

I don't understand why people are jumping down your throats. I've been raped...by someone who turned out to be a serial rapist yet because of our justice system and people crying rape for kicks. . He got away with it. I think it's strong to call it rape. Yes she said she was uncomfortable but it finished . I may have different views if she had no from the off. I appreaciate why she may feel upset and slightly traumatised but you ladies telling her she was raped adding a bunch of flowers really aren't helping. She needs to communicate with her partner and explain how she feels.

TooTrue THANK YOU!!

OP please listen to TooTrue. As a man, he will know well whether it was ‘physically’ possible for your DH to stop.
And it was.

Please don’t buy into the sexist bullshit of ‘poor man couldn’t stop himself as he was so close to orgasm’.
He might not have been able to stop his orgasm (which actually I doubt if it still took him another 5 seconds to be able to come). But he certainly could have ejaculated outside you. Like men are totally able to do when they use the withdrawal method. If they can do that with the withdrawal method, then they can have enough control over themselves when they hear they partner say NO.

I’m trying to imagine my husband saying ‘stop’ and me just carrying on because I was about to come.

I have actually experienced this where I was on top, therefore in control and he said to stop, I didn't immediately as my mind went "what? stop? why?" because it's not something he'd said before and we were both enjoying it and I wasn't expecting to hear it so I questioned if I'd heard right. As soon as it clicked I stopped. I don't know if that is what the OPs DH did, none of us know, but I think it is possible.

I’m at the idea that it’s ok for someone to tell the OP that this situation was ok.
Well, you know, she was in pain. It was just after giving birth. The pain could have been the sign of something going on, like it is with any other type of accident/surgery (obviously thinking there about all the tearing etc.. that can happen in childbirth).
But no. This poor man just couldn’t think —didn't see the point of respecting her partner boundary— and couldn’t help himself from having his orgasm —because for the whole 5 seconds it took him to come, he Obvioulsy had no control at all over himself even though he had enough control to tell her he was going to come—

Come on.

Whatever name you want to put in what has happened, it just didn’t show any respect at all for the OP and her wellbeing.
Her feelings and wishes were just disregarded as not important.
But his wish to have an orgasm was here loud and clear. Expressed. And she was supposed to bow to it as if it was the one most important thing in the world.

I’ve slowly grown to refuse to accept any type of disrespect like this.

I should think it’ll take more than flowers math anxiety

«Insert missing the point emoji»

Oh wait, that should have been in your post! Sorry!