DH didn’t stop when I said stop

...to proceed ONCE past a certain point..

You were in great pain that brought tears to your eyes and he is horrified you have been dwelling on it all day?

Doe that mean horrified in the sense that he now sees what a terrible thing he did, or horrified that you think badly of him?

I suspect the latter since he has offered the idea that it is ok to proceed past a certain point regardless of you saying no and telling him he was hurting you.

Sorry to hear his reaction Bijou. You know the 'point of no return' is bullshit. You were in pain and he could have caused real damage. You were at your most vulnerable and he broke your trust.
He should have stopped, no excuse for not doing so.

OP everyone (myself included) will have their take on this, for one reason or other. I agree with Cocoa, for you to post about it suggests it has impacted on you more than you thought. If you have someone irl you can chat this over with it might help. Take care of yourself tho & don't let anybody else tell you how you should be feeling. Emotions always run high when this sort of topic arises

Bijou there has been a lot written on here and a lot of opinions.

But what stands out for me is your words "but those 5 seconds were awful". I think the fact you've even posted means it's troubling you. You trusted your DH to listen when you said stop. But he didn't.

That would be a massive issue for me. I hope you're ok.

op initially consented

Ah i wondered when that would crop up. Consent is ongoing it can be withdrawn at any point, & rightly so!!

Just read the OP to my DP...even before i finished his view is that stop means stop. If you don't respect your partner's choice to say no you're a c**t.

And I agree with everything village shop said.

I don't think this was rape. I think he's guilty of putting himself before OP's immediate needs, but not rape.
It was a 5 second incident that he was probably was unable to control. OP initally consented.

Agree with village shop also.

Bijou I'm sorry if this thread has been somewhat hijacked by those of us with strong opinions on both sides of the issues (and I'm one). I hope you can find the time and space to make sense of this to your own satisfaction, because ultimately it's what you feel about it that matters. You don't owe us anything (or, importantly, your husband for that matter; you do not need to minimise your feelings for his sake). But remember not to squash that inner voice telling you you're not comfortable. Whatever you decide to do, don't do it by squashing down the things you feel uncomfortable about, but at the same time, give yourself time and space to think them through at your own pace.

I would imagine he felt it was very nearly over and thought in that moment yes ok I'm nearly there, not really processing that each movement was actually pain for you. I'm not excusing and as others have said, it's perfectly possible to pull out to finish. Maybe he was so close he felt pulling out and finishing over you was not correct either. And maybe he just didn't realise how much you were not enjoying it which is rude but does happen. I would be pissed off and fearful he wasn't putting my needs first, especially first time post surgery. You know him and whether you can move past this, but like you I would be extremely pissed off.

He could have pulled out at any time no matter how close.

He just wanted to get his rocks off and didn't care enough that it made it extremely painful for you.

Sorry if that is not nice to hear.

Sorry point of no return is NOT an excuse for inflicting pain on someone he loves

How truly horrified was he about it - was he at all apologetic

And I agree he should have been aware it could have been painful for you

I can’t imagine how you couldn’t be on high alert with your partner post-surgery. How could he be so lost in the moment (on high alert) AND be conscious enough to respond to you saying stop?

Really horrified that some women accept this as normal, it really, really isn’t.

There isn't a point of no return. I really can't imagine DH doing this. The fact that he's horrified you're 'dwelling on it' is so minimising. 💐

No means no, no excuses.

Has AIBU always been like this or is there an influx of rape apologists desperate to excuse men?
It's quite horrifying, and I hope my dd grows up knowing more about consent than loads of you on here!

Bless you OP x maybe you should tell your best friend x

It’s maybe a combination of this really horrible event happening to you and reading the strong views on this thread. Totally understandable your not feeling good. Maybe more time to process it, a bit of space from your husband, and some love from friends.

Did he try to minimise it? Blame you? Deny it? Did he apologise and listen and look to learn from your conversation?

Bijou, it's good you're talking about it. Did he admit to hearing you say stop?

Yes they were humouring you. They haven't got police powers to arrest, they can do a citizens arrest.
Hopefully the next time this man hits someone, the victim will be prepared to give evidence, the man is arrested and his mental health checked out.

Anyway, hope the OP is ok tonight x

Queen, so the community policeman who thanked me for my statement because it would assist them finding the person and that understood why I didn’t what to make a complaint against someone who was obviously mentally unwell was humouring me. Fair enough. You are obviously correct.

Hoochy, police don't tend to take you seriously if you say "I got punched but I don't want to press charges."
When they take your statement they ask if you're prepared to give evidence in court. Too many people don't turn up at court and the case collapses. So yes, you can waste police and court time with that attitude. Your statement is important evidence and it's not your decision to press charges.
That is down to the CPS who will dismiss it if the main witness has your attitude.

Last post on the subject, because I don’t want to derail the thread..... but wasting police time to let them know that there was a mentally unstable person running around out of control and punching people? Surely for their own safety and the next person they came across it was wise for the police to be aware. They punched me in the chest. If they’d had a knife I could have been seriously wounded. And I was also concerned that they may have been a missing person and be vulnerable and at risk. They ran off at speed into traffic.

A stranger did punch me in the street recently

I called the police. Not to report the incident and press charges but to ask them to find the person and help them because they were obviously mentally unwell. I totally forgave them

Please stop wasting police time.