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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH didn’t stop when I said stop

783 replies

bijouhibou · 04/05/2018 00:26

First time having sex after post childbirth vaginal surgery. All was well - better than expected - until very near his climax and I said stop because I was uncomfortable. He said he was going to come, carried on then came about 5 seconds later. I was in great pain and brought tears to my eyes. He was v supportive afterwards but those 5 secs were awful.

I know it’s physically difficult for men to stop when the floodgates open, so to speak, but AIBU re: those 5 seconds?

OP posts:
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CanadaNotAMum · 09/05/2025 02:51

bijouhibou · 04/05/2018 19:48

DH says he was ‘past the point of no return’ and was horrified that I have been dwelling on it all day. I don’t know if it’s this thread or just a nggling feeling but I don’t feel like I’ve been raped but I don’t feel like everything’s hunky dory and made better by our chat either.

If my best friend told me what I’ve written then I would go and get her and bring her to sleep on my sofa.

It’s horrifying that he apparently went about his day without giving it a second thought!

Kate242u · 09/05/2025 02:40

I made a new thread it's called I'm now sexually afraid of my boyfriend

nomas · 09/05/2025 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

I’m so sorry he did that to you. He sexually assaulted you extremely badly. He does not love you and I would urge you to please never see him again.

Do you have a close friend you could tell?

Please also start a new thread of your own, as this thread is very old and most people won’t respond after they see the date of 2018.

BMW6 · 09/05/2025 00:03

Tell him to fuck off because he's a sexual abuser and a nasty piece of work.

You deserve far, far better. He's a bastard. He knew he was hurting you and he enjoyed it.

Kate242u · 08/05/2025 23:52

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

MollyMalone2801 · 15/11/2020 11:21

Hi, this happened to me too, exactly same thing. And I actually apologised at the end for making it stressful for him. Stressful for him! I was in a lot of pain. And then the more I thought about it, the more I felt hurt. He was in the moment, fair enough, but yeah it was a shitty move and I felt uncared for. Sorry you went through this.

hooochycoo · 10/05/2018 21:06

how are you bijouhibou ? thinking of you and hoping you've got support around you xxx

Pengggwn · 09/05/2018 13:26

Huge support to you, OP. I really hope you feel as though you have made the right decision and that you are protecting yourself. Flowers

MountainSinks · 09/05/2018 08:56

Bijou, if you were my friend or even a colleague or a school gate first name only Mum I would have you stay or take you out for hot chocolate in a heart beat. You have not chosen to end your marriage your husband has ended it for you. Well done on making a huge decision to protect yourself. Can’t add anything to the useful advice given by other posters.

Unicornsandrainbows3 · 09/05/2018 05:29

I'm so sorry. Please reach out to rape crisis and they can support you. Whatever he is saying to minimise doesn't change what happened and none of this is your fault.

mathanxiety · 09/05/2018 04:58

Bijou Flowers

The minimising must hurt so badly.

My advice is to seek counseling - Rape Crisis would be very good.

Then when you are used to talking about it, and when you know some good ways to talk about it to other people, and when you are confident enough to say it and ask your family for the sort of support you need from them, talk to your family.

hooochycoo · 09/05/2018 00:02

Much love from me too bijou. So sorry that your DH is behaving like that. He sounds in denial of his actions, don’t let his inability to take responsiblity for this confuse your clear headedness about what you know happened and how you feel about it. There is strength in this clarity. Don’t let him blame you, confuse you, belittle you. X you have the power of being the one without anything to feel ashamed of, so tell who you need to tell in order to find support.

CollyWombles · 08/05/2018 23:50

Bijou, I'm so sorry. Of course you can't believe it, no-one wants to believe that from someone they love and is supposed to love them. It's devestating and is going to take time to process. Take it one hour at a time and look after yourself. Eat and drink, even if it's nibbles and sips, especially if your babe is breastfeeding. I echo other posters about gathering as much support as you can, you need and deserve it. Please take care x

villageshop · 08/05/2018 23:39

I'm so sorry, Bijou. The whole thing must be a terrible shock and difficult to get your head and emotions around, made worse by him responding in a way that hurt you more. I do hope you have loving support around you.

mustbemad17 · 08/05/2018 23:37

Sending massive hugs of support to you, that realisation is like being hit by a truck. I can second Lizzie's suggestion of rape crisis, they were truly a god send when i needed them. Please don't feel this is in any way anything you could have prevented; when the time comes to tell your family, what you tell them is your choice & yours alone. I hope you have some decent support irl, even if you don't want to discuss it just a shoulder means the world.

Take care of yourself

Lizzie48 · 08/05/2018 22:21

I'm so sorry, bijouhibou I really hope you get the support you need in RL. Rape Crisis really are excellent, I can recommend them absolutely. ThanksThanks

Queenoftheblitz · 08/05/2018 22:04

Bijou it is shocking and difficult to process. I genuinely feel sad this has happened to you.
Please keep posting if you think it will help.

HelenaDove · 08/05/2018 21:57

So sorry bijou NONE of this was your fault Thanks

i posted that last comment of mine before reading this page.

HelenaDove · 08/05/2018 21:55

"She has been told it can't be rape unless it is something she is willing to report"

Chilling....................this is what they have based the tax credits rape clause on.

VivaKondo · 08/05/2018 21:51

I am sorry, really sorry.
Do you have any support in RL? A friend you can confide in? A close family member?
Rape Crisis can be helpful too.

ToffeeUp · 08/05/2018 21:49

So sorry bijou Flowers

BettyBaggins · 08/05/2018 21:48

Have you chatted with that lovely best friend of yours yet bijou? Brew

2andcountingtodate · 08/05/2018 21:48

I'm so sorry. Do you have support around you? Family or friends? I hope you are safe with them.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2018 21:45

I am sorry ❤

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/05/2018 21:39

I'm so sorry Bijou - it's OK to feel like this, I think all any of us have wanted to do is validate your feelings.

You just be devastated that your DH has done something that has caused you to need to end the marriage.

Please don't think that you're at fault here for 'choosing' to end this. None of this was your choice - it was all his, from the act itself, to the way he reacted to it.

I feel sure that this wouldn't otherwise be your choice.

I hope you have some good friends and family to support you. You will also find support on here.

Flowers
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