for being a SAHM

maybe a bit, just gets up my nose this whole sexism political argument against woman who make the choice to be SAHM's. I am not sat here saying mums who work are bad, I just said this is a choice that works for us. Fed up of people inferring that it is wrong for xenia to infer that it is extreme right wing nazi values.

That's a bit harsh, Awen

xenia you really spout a load of old shite. I think you probably enjoy trying to be a superior/contraversial individual but you come across as a pompous twat.

Sorry but that is my impression. Dont try and intellectualise what was a perfectly normal chatty thread. If you spoke to someone like that in a face to face situation u certainly wouldnt be a particulary interesting or popular person to engage with anbd would probably be avoided like the sodding plague.

Sorry to jump on you like that, but it is a sore point with me.

If you knew how often we hear remarks like that you would understand. Lots of our German friends have told me about being on school trips to England and being called Nazis when they were overheard speaking German. It makes me really mad, as you noticed.

Apologies. It just seemed the sexism of those days continues to today. If instead you'd said modern German has cast off that mantle and women were as much career women as women in London and Paris I would have felt more content. But plus ca change may be.

Do you think it is possible to mention Germany without bringing Hitler into it?

It really pisses me off to read something like that.

Hitler was pretty keen on keeping women at home - kinder, kuche and kirche I think, the 3 Ks, your children, cooking and church. Proper little haus fraus kept in their place. So it doesn't surp[rise me what you say about Germany. Intereseting yo uhave that ethos in Germany and something entirely different in France and then different again in the UK.

Perhaps we should all pick to live in those countries with the ethos that best fits our views.

We live in Germany and it is very common here to be a SAHM (mainly because nurserys for under 3 year old are almost impossible to find). If you go back to work, you get the guilt trip from relations and friends about being a "rabenmutter", a bad mum. Things are changing slowly but it is still frowned upon to work with a child under a year.

Just to say, I don't think there is a perfect solution. If you have to work because of financial reasons, or because you just want to, do it and don't feel bad about it. Similarly, if you want (and need) to be a SAHM, do it.

Basically a happy mum means happy kids, and that is what we are all aiming for.

Each to their own I say. Some would detest being at home all day and go mad with boredom others would break hearts having to sit in offices away from children. Others have no choice financially etc. The only truth surely is there is no right answer and people muddle through doing what suits them/their kids.

Actually, I'm wrong. This thread isn't so bad, its that other thread.

You know, the one I thought I was on. oops.

How can there be an absence of guilt when threads like this make everyone feel crap about what they do, whatever their choices. You tell us to get full time jobs and elimate problems like who reads the bedtime story, SAHMs say you had children, look after them. Its so tiresome, there's no right answers, just personal choice. And a lack of understanding it seems.

There should be an absence of guilt and an assumptions amongst everyone that it is as likely a man will stay home to mind children as a woman and that couples make sexually neutral decisions based on what is best for them.

It still puzzles me how any man or woman could actually like that job but it certainly is a job and lots of them seem to love it.

My job was in the city, high powered, very very long hours. No chance of part time, all men in charge. Dont know how I ended up there. People I meet who knew what I did are surprised I am now SAHM. But love it and refuse to feel guilty! Please dont feel you need to justify any decision. Either way women are made to feel bad.

Women at my old job with children either have to have a stay at home dad or day nanny and night nanny. My office room mate said goodnight to her dd everynight on the phone. Decided even before I had kids that I couldn't face doing that.

Well then, you've made the choice that is right for you. No-one should criticise you for it. And there is no absolute right answer here - we all have choices, that's what being a human being is about.

agree with band of mothers too

I am SAHM now as contract finished am about 7 weeks preg sonot much chance of another nursing post with part time hours. I have a ds & and although he is at school I want to be able to be here for him at the end of the day. My DP earns enough and wants me to stay at home and sort out the house/dinner etc and tbh at the moment I love it. I did enjoy my part time nursing and will get back to it. Childhood doesnt last forever and I want to be around for ds and ds wants me to be too. I have a professional qualification adn may even do more studying too. I am happy tho being a SAHM and it suits all of us.

Agree with all the other posts here, at the end of the day it comes down to what feels right for you.

I love being at home with my ds but it really didn't suit a friend of mine, she was a lot happier when she went back to work.

foxybrown, good post... thats exatly how i feel about it... why do we all have to justify our lives??????

Not at all. In fact more stay at home mothers think they are doing the right thing and working mothers are damaging their children than the other way round in my experience.

Lots of mothers with disabled children do work and have nannies experienced with those conditions and children then go to school anyway but no reason you shouldn't be home at all if you and your husband are happy with that and it is what is best for you all. It is harder to find a nanny for a disabled child and unreasonable for most young live in au pairs to do after school care where the child needs very special care that most 20 year olds are not experienced enough to handle.

I had a good job that I worked hard to get and I do hope to go back to a similar position when mine are all full time at school but not before

Good on you, 2shoes. I'm a SAHM too, by choice, and proud of it. It was really weird at first, because I have always worked, but why would I entrust the most important little being in my life to someone else?

btw I am a SAHM by choice well can not afford the childcare for 3 under 6 even if I wanted to go back to work but am happy to see them be with them while I can

I am lucky and appreciate that I am lucky that my dh has a job that keeps us all.

enjoy it because your dd needs you and you should not feel any sort of guilt imho x

You shouldn't have to justify being a SAHM/WOHM to anyone on here! People just argue about it for the sake of it. They don't care about anyone's reasons for the choices anyone else makes, just that they are right.

However we live our lives we are judged for it, by people who should know better that to judge other mothers.

Can't we just have a bit more appreciation for each other?

bandofmothers - I agree with you completely

I'm fed up of people saying "oh you had a good career you must miss it so much" no I pushed paper around a desk mostly and stared at a pc, now I get to be with my children 24/7 when they need me the most, I teach them things and am just there for them, yes we are skint now but I wouldn't change it for the world.