for being a SAHM

well said SpookyMadMummy

I'm a SAHM with school-age children - it's a nice life

[I wasn't meaning I'd do a similar great job, I was meaning I'd make the same choice you made ]

Ok, sorry 2shoes to hijack your thread, as I said earlier I think you are doing a great job, and I'd do the same if I were in your shoes (excuse the pun).
I am actually a sahm. However, I'm not convinced that the only way to raise a well rounded and productive member of society is by staying at home and not miss a single minute of their adorable formative years. Xenia has one good point and this is that as parents we are fallible, regardless of the time, love, goodwill, imagination, etc etc we put in the education of our children.
I don't think nurseries are bad. Quite the contrary, they are rather wonderful, IME.

Im a SAHM. My ds 9 months goes to nursery one day and to his grandparents one day a week. Im not lazing at home, going to the gym etc and I don't hate the childcare bit (ref to earlier post). Oh yes I have a cleaner aswell. I trained as a maternity nurse so going back to work isn't an option. I also worked as a nanny but it would be weird going back to that and hiring someone to look after mine.

I choose not to work because I don't want
to miss one moment of my child growing up.

Yes it's a cliche but kids grow up so quickly & I couldn't bear the thought of my dd taking her 1st steps or someone else enjoying all the funny quirky little things she does. I'm selfish & I want to enjoy all the wonderful new things she does not some nanny or childcare assistant.

Raising a child full time is a tough task, i'm making sure now that I raise a well rounded, happy, confident and decent child who will go onto be productive and highly regared member of society when she's adult.

Anyone needing affermation that staying at home to raise your children should read Steve Buddulphs (sp?) The Secrets of Raising Happy Children, it's a great book and i've bought copies for all my friends who have kids.

until you have a child with SN xenia you have no place to give opinions.

I dont think there are many that would hire a nanny to parent a child with Sn simply so that they could go and work. i think there is something quite wrong emotionaly, with someone that feels it more important to work than to be with their child.

I am with 2shoes here.
I am a SAHM
I do not have a choice.. but I would not change it. 2shoes and I are in a similar situation the only difference is the disability is different.
Xenia, I think you are very fortunate not to have a child with a disability (I only say that because I have not seen you mention disability within your family, although I concede I could be wrong)
Looking after any child with any degree of disability is a very hard job. Often outside organisations are either not available or simply unable to cope, as in my dd's case.
Give SAHM's a break!

OOh i have missed this thread.

I actualy get quite angry at the assumptions that are made about single unemplyed mothers...mostly because i am one...now.

i used to be a professional in a good job who earned a good wage and great social life.

Unfortunatly i also had a shitty ex. i am now single with two children (bothof whom are from my ex) and am living off benefits.

This is not my choice but i have a 2 year old and a 6 year old with SN. unfortunatly he is in mainstream school and is sent home frequantly. I am tired of being made to feel like a sponger.

I would give anything to be able to work again, i loved my job and wish to return to my career at some point but i do not see why i should be made to feel guilty for putting my children first at the moment.

2shoes you are fantastic and you know that. there are many on here who talk out of their arses, who probably live in their own world who think it perfectly acceptable to post inflamatory remarks with the sole intention of making others feel less adequate. i dont know if its to fuel their own self esteem or if they are simply nasty human beings, but dont allow them to get to you....it just add's fuel to their fire.

Well it's much easier for me now the youngest are 8. That's the only real difference and having more money and help than when the first ones were little helps too. I like my work but sometimes it's difficult but it's much better for me than being home which I couldn't have stood. But I'm in year 22 of motherhood. I could have been on baby number 20 I suppose by now not counting any times like my last two were if I'd had a different sort of life.

And I'm sure like everyone, male and female, I have as many issues and problems as anyone.

Great post Popple!

As I said in my previous post I love being
a SAHM but even though I enjoy it I agree that sometimes I am bored shitless!

There are only so many toddler groups, baby gyms, swim sessions, park outings,trips to the beach to collect shells to paint you can do with your LO before you start longing
for adult company & time without your darling child to just be You & not a Mummy.

Every 2 weeks i'll go out to girlfriends house & we'll share a bottle of wine, or 3 & I also make sure when dh is home he spends time with her on his own so I can just be 'me'.

2shoes, you are ALWAYS reasonable as far as I've ever seen, and a truly lovely person. I hope you know that really.

(ahem, sorry 2 shoes!)
In answer to the OP, no way are you unreasonable! But you know that don't you?

This thread just displays how very different we all are. It's horrible that we all judge each other so much...but then, it does make life that bit more interesting.

Do you think you would work if your child wasn't disabled? Sorry if that's an unfeeling question....but just wondered.

I can understand where Xenia is coming from. The thing about being at home with kiddies all day is that everything we do is for the enjoyment and well-being of the child. If we enjoy it too then good for us! But sometimes it can be quite tiresome. Examples...getting them ready for school and into school, shopping, cleaning, picking up from school, making meals...argghh. It's a bit of a hamster wheel sometimes isn't it? But then it is so rewarding when they do something that makes you proud that is because of you and your efforts.

It is OK for SAHMs and WAHMs to feel slightly bored by it all sometimes. At least work gives a release to be a little selfish without someone tugging on your sleeve. Why oh why is it such a taboo subject to admit it can be boring? Come on, who loves every second of it?
And doesn't Xenia sound like the most fulfilled and confident woman on this board?
She's ever so sure of herself and her decisions so if it works for her then hooray! I sincerely mean that too. It's all about finding what works best for the individual (and family of course) and this obviously isn't the same for everybody. It's short-sighted to believe there is one answer that fits all.

Bloody Hell 2shoes I don't know how you
could fit a job into your life with having to look after your dd, unless you put her into some kind of special daycare (which i'm sure some mums would, just for break & change of scene)

I'm a SAHM and I Never justify to people why I have chosen not to go back to work.

All i'll say to them is that i'm lucky I have the option of staying at home with my dd, I enjoy it and till she goes to primary school I will not be working (outside the home).

Absolutely .There are good working mothers and not so good ones too in terms of interaction with chidlren. Indeed some parents are just so very appalling that care for teh chidlren or even boarding school is a better option. Perhaps it's about knowing how bad you are with your own children and when they're better with their father at home or in nursery. it's that self knowledge which is hard and some but not all stay at home mothers seem to have a kind of self hypnosis which says - only I on this planet can properly look after my children. Working parents have a much more robust and true attitude and knowledge may be of their own limitations.

Xenia - "Would I leave the children in inadequate child are? Hopefully not. Many men leave their children with mothers who actually aren't that good at looking after them and shout and swear at them and pack them off in front of the TV all day when the children would be better with loving carers at a nursery which is why some children from not particularly good homes at the lowest end of most scales actually do better in nurseries than at home." I hate to say this, i really really do, but yes, i agree! There are certain situations where the children are better off in nursery as i fear this situation arises alot. But lets not make this a class issue, there are plenty of well off SAHM who neglect their kiddies for lunch dates etc, ive seen them in the cafes etc with their middle class mates, DCs strapped into high chairs. You do know i like you really don't you xenia

this whole thing has gone bananas since i last looked!

2shoes, TBH i can't even see why you would consider yourself unreasonable, of course you don't. You are right, Xenia certainly hijacked the post (nothing better to do it seems!!), to the extent that i didnt notice in your OP that your DD is disabled. Quite angry on your behalf, you face a whole different set of challenges than most of us on here and you should be proud of your decision, you certainly have my respect (i hope that doesnt sound patronising).

Oh Xenia, you make me LOL! I haven't read thw whole thread, but read this:

"Some women don't know what's good for them, their daughters or their nation and need to be force out there into work and once they're doing it the scales are lifted and they realise it's what they ought to have been doing all along. We need more of that here."

You really beleive yourself don't you? Astonishing.