for being a SAHM

The callmemadam stay at home motherhood contrasting with the rr there; neat contrast. Obviously it's more senseible to marry the rich man and manage his home and servants in a slightly more leisured way (even though you feel you're at full stretch) than marrying the poor man and having a more average sort of scrubbing floors on the poverty line no help sort of life.

I just couldn't in either case manage the psychological issues of not working, not having that career satisfaction, the earning my own money. Obviously when 50% of married women divorce those with the richer husband who don't work are in the better and easier position unless he deliberately goes backrupt and hides all the money and then your children ome to you and say how could you jeopardise our futures by putting your eggs in the basket of this man. Anyway a risk many want to run. Is that a fair risk?

Don't agree rr that mothers haven't traditionally worked. They have all over the world at all times except a very few rather rich ones in the last 100 years, but even the richer Victorians had a live in servant (although most of the mothers worked then as most weren't rich). My grandmother worked. My great grandmother worked. People worked or starved. In WWII they all worked too. Women have always had to and wanted to work.

oh and yes you are not being unreasonable at all.

I was desperate to go to work after DD was born and I found the first few months a bit dull. Now (DD2) I enjoy everyminute of it and find work sooo sooo boring and unfulfilling - might be a sahm for a while.

maybe with the second one I'll enjot the first months, maybe not.

not only we are all different, we are all different ourselves at different times. let's give ourselves a break and do what we want, what we can and think it's best.

So yet again, with your reasons and answering to your first post from this morning You are not being unreasonable!

Nighty night!
Lots of love to you!

callmemadam good post!

I'm certain that's true, but I'm a SAHM on a pitiful income. I clean my local pub in the mornings (7 days a week) and take my ds with me during the weekday. I also have several cleaning jobs I undertake when my dp comes home from work, plus bar work, etc., etc.

I had a good enough career before, but I made the sacrifices, and I'm happy to make them. If cleaning other people's bogs affords me the luxury of being with my son all day, then bring it on!

Why unreasonable?

It's the strangest question I've ever seen on MN. The original one I mean.

I'm not trying to add fuel to the fire, honestly but have another perspective to add: I am a SAHM after a few years of trying to manage a high flying post part time and pretend I could hack it. I couldn't, but that was my personal decision. I run everything to do with a large house and very complicated family life while dh is buried in his work. I have a housekeeper/nanny, a cleaner and gardeners. I run them as well. I probably appear to be a spoilt and lazy cow, whereas I feel at full stretch most of the time. I don't play tennis or socialise in the daytime very much but I do do various forms of voluntary work. At the school youngest dc goes to, I am the norm - there are probably less than 15% working mums. That suggests that at a certain income level, being a sahm is also a lifestyle choice which many mums still make if given the chance. The interesting point though is that it all works provided that the relationship is a strong and equal one, with mutual respect between partners. I have known girlfriends feel pressurised into sex, for example, because they feel they have no leverage of their own once they have no independent income - and if I am honest, that lack of independent money is the one thing I wish I had, even though dh says that what is his is mine - it is not psychologically the same.

My father's partner is a criminal lawyer who has been lecturing law for the past ten years. Her students are all in their early twenties.

Interestingly, almost without exception, her students are telling her that they do not accept the current model (working parents, nursery from an early age, etc). The generation currently coming through want to dip in and out of their careers with the ultimate aim of one or other partner being a stay at home parent until children begin school.

They speak, I believe, from an experience far more eloquent than any political viewpoint. What these middle class children are saying is that they didn't enjoy the experience, and they wish to do things differently when their turn comes.

Until very recently, it was the norm for a parent (yes, usually the mother) to stay home to raise the children she chose to have. Why on earth this remains a contentious issue I will never know.

Hey, just trying to understand your situation a bit, are you happy with the situation you are in? If your daugther did not require your daily care, would you have considered going back to work?

In my opinion, as long as your decision works for your family and you, the rest of the world can burn in hell.

I am not in the same situation as you, I really enjoyed and adored my career and after a year of being a mummy at home I cannot take it anymore. I can afford a nanny at home for my dd so I am getting back to work at the end the summer.

i do not konw if it work our for us, if i will get the same satisfaction but I am goingto give it a go.

Lots of hugs to you!

I would still like to hear Xenia's views on those of us who choose to be Nannies!

did you enjoyed it?

2 shoes : you are not unreasonable! You are a very caring person. I think that in your circumstances I would also be a sahm. Just curious,(sorry have not read whole tread)

did you work before having your child? Did you enjoy your work?

Xenia: I completely understand your comments and arguments. Some mums might get pissed off because you touch a fibre! However I wholehearteadly agree with all your points.

worktostayathome.. how very very helpful your comments are.

not you thistle! the person asking the question in the first place. may as well call the thread 'hey xenia (or anyone else for that matter), come on here and make some people cross why don't you.'

Wotzsaname, I don't think my post is in any way disrespectful to anyone...I was merely posting in response to Xenia's repetetive "Oh how dull" posts!

It's tiresome & I think we all get the message of her views on child rearing!

did someone start this thread just to get people fighting agian. what a bloody stupid question to ask in the first place.
yr unreasonable to think that anyone cares!

.. what about SAHM who do not have SN children.. are we unreasonable then? Not like i give a feck if we are.

ScottishThistle I would consider what you have posted as a nanny you should have respect for the parents choice and or else you wouldn't have a job! Do they work in an office?

I put my neck out here....

2shoes I have the greatest respect for you and your family and others in your position.