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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
Mercy · 12/05/2007 22:31

yes, make judgements all day long and get paid for it!

Elasticwoman · 12/05/2007 22:29

Xenia, I know you are a legal eagle. Have you ever thought of becoming a high court judge?

Mercy · 12/05/2007 22:28

oh ffs this thread is getting ridiculous.

I have come across plenty young shop assistants who shouldn't have been given the job in the first place because they can barely string a sentence together; they just grunt and hold out their hand for the money without even looking at the customer. Stereotype anyone?

madoldcatlady · 12/05/2007 22:27

Xenia doles out Faberge eggs instead off Creme ones!

expatinscotland · 12/05/2007 22:25

Xenia, you make me laugh.

chocolattegirl · 12/05/2007 22:24

Um I'm pretty sure that I would have prompted my dd to list 'sank you' at the woman even at the age of 'nearly 2' but then even my DM says that I'm a strict parent . The shop assistant did sound a bit OTT in what she said but I've met a few silly old bags in my time who should have been pensioned off from working.

Mercy · 12/05/2007 22:24

utter bullshit Xenia

Judy1234 · 12/05/2007 22:22

Becauyse only the working classes would think it right to make sweets a reward for children under 2 or complain about some poor shop assistant who was actually interested in manners.

Gobbledigook · 12/05/2007 22:18

How on earth did the thread get here?!

Mercy · 12/05/2007 22:17

Sorry forgot to say that I still agree with madoldcatlady & others though.

Mercy · 12/05/2007 22:13

Xenia, the child in question is 2 years old, not 12. A baby really.

I don't know how old you are but it wasn't that long ago that working class and less well off women breastfed due to financial necessity. Formula was for people with money. And also terry/reusable nappies were the norm. Disposables hadn't been invented let alone be affordable for everyone.

I do agree that it's odd how the middle classes/well off people have appropriated certain aspects of family life and deemed them 'lifestyle choices'. Choices being the operative word.

Rantum · 12/05/2007 22:11

One poster with a big wooden spoon, that is how....

lucyellensmum · 12/05/2007 22:10

how did this thread become a class issue FGS

Rantum · 12/05/2007 22:07
Grin
Rantum · 12/05/2007 22:06

I think we should commend Xenia for her DEEP concern about Britain's obesity problem, when she could so easily leave all the poor working class people to die without ANY middle class intervention at all.

We should applaud her valient attempt to SAVE BRITAIN'S WORKING CLASS (from themselves!! (And all the Scottish folk too)

madoldcatlady · 12/05/2007 21:58

Xenia,it's not the presentation of facts, (we all know Northeners are thick fat bastards) but the way the facts are presented by you that causes offence.

You have a magical knack of sounding "Oh so superior", and it gets right up my snout!

I'm a Yorkshire lass BTW.

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 12/05/2007 21:56

twobabies sorry got sidetracked, you are not unreasonabel and should complain

Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 21:47

Is it ok to be rather proud that my thread is nearly at 200 posts, perhaps I should just print this off and give it to the shop assistant

OP posts:
sunflowervalley · 12/05/2007 21:45

Have been reading this and would like to put a different perspective on all this.

My DS is 5 and has selective mutism so only talks in certain situations he is comfortable with and to people he is comfortable with.

I agree with the OP that this lady was rude in insisting on the little girl spoke to her.

I know the feeling all to well when out with DS whether it shopping,the library etc on people insisting he talk and thinking him rude if he does'nt.
This puts pressure on my DS which he does'nt need and is difficult for me to explain whilst DS is standing their with me.

Why is it people think it is rude when young children don't talk back to in effect complete strangers,when we at some point will be telling them not to talk to strangers.
What's wrong with a shy child,should they all be running around chatting to everyone they meet.

When I get comments from people like "cat got your tounge" when my DS does'nt respond I feel like saying "No,but I wish it would get yours"

NoBiggy · 12/05/2007 21:42

The woman is there to serve customers, not make a judgment on whether they deserve their purchases!

Not unreasonable, far too reasonable, I'd say, as you didn't tell her off! Hectoring a 2 year old. Pah!

Not going near the other argument, thanks.

flightattendant · 12/05/2007 21:30

Oh my! Xenia, have you got children? Did yours say 'Thankyou' perfectly even to intimidating strangers before the age of two?
I would be worried if I saw one who did tbh...
sometimes I'm relieved when someone we know tells DS gently to stop being a nuisance when we're talking, or something reasonable like that. It backs me up.
But this case is different and I think it was outrageous that the woman interfered in a totally inappropriate way with an issue that was between Twobabies and her daughter.

yogimum · 12/05/2007 21:27

who needs to go out on a saturday night, with eurovision on and mumsnet for entertainment!

catsmother · 12/05/2007 21:27

But the child WASN'T being ill-mannered for heaven's sake Xenia, and she isn't yet TWO !

It would have been entirely different if the assistant had objected to a loutish teenager snatching the item from her or throwing their payment at her.

hatrick · 12/05/2007 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 12/05/2007 21:20

Why is the presentation of facts about rates of XYZ in different socio-economic groups snobbish?

If you want me to list ways working class women are better than middle class I can just as easily do that. More of them work and don't live off men and are often more feminist for a start.

On the original post the more shop keepers insist on manners and the more strangers upbraid our children over all in general I think the better. I always found it helpful. We have somehow lost that group responsibility.