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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
Jess234 · 13/05/2007 11:18

What if she walks in? Do you chain her to the telly?

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 11:18

No sex involved, what are you talking about?

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 11:17

Why can't you control the TV? We have a remote control in our house.

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:16

Is it hard for you to say the word SEX Anna?

Why all the euphemisms?

Or is sex for the lower classes too?

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:15

TV is common. Don't you know anything!

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 11:14

No, no feelings of guilt were involved at all. If I am going to have a specially nice time, she deserves to have a nice time too, and then she also learns that not all pleasures in life involve Mummy and Papa, but that she can also have a nice time on her own and with other people.

A DVD is much better than TV because I control what she watches.

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:13

Oooohh that made me shudder Anna. The thought that my children should be able to "have a nice time when I do". Ewww.

That is about as lower class as it gets. Bribing the kids to stay out of the bedroom so you can have a bit. Bleurgh.

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 11:10

oohhh so you just reward her when you feel guilty as opposed to when she deserves to be rewarded, ahh I get you now

OP posts:
cornsilk · 13/05/2007 11:10

Why is a DVD better than TV?

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:10

Xenia wouldn't know if the kids were rewarded for peeing on the potty anyway. Ask the nanny.

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 11:09

It's always a bad idea to reward behaviour with sweets IMO... that's one of the root causes of obesity, as it leads people to snacking on chocolate etc to "reward themselves" for doing anything painful or difficult in later life, rather than rewarding themselves with virtual pat on the back and feeling of pride in overcoming just one more of life's big and little struggles.

No, I don't mind bribing my daughter with a DVD (she doesn't watch TV) and a few grammes of Smarties in the early morning once in a while. I think she's entitled to have a nice time when I do . I bought her a new puzzle yesterday as a treat because we were going out and leaving her with a babysitter. Same deal.

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:09

Unfortunately Wilkie, I think they are.

Wilkie · 13/05/2007 11:06

This thread is laughable. Are you people for real Anna8888 and Xenia???

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:04

How can it be bad to give sweets as a reward for good behavior but a good idea to plonk the same child infront of the telly with sweets so you and you DP can have sex!

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 11:01

you must have some flipping motivated kids to want grow up so much that they potty train themselves with no need of reward/encouragement

Xenia, my dd loves shoppig and isn't bored at all, we walk around the supermarket, name vegetables, talk about how much things cost etc etc, what would you rather I did with her when I go shopping?

OP posts:
cornsilk · 13/05/2007 11:01

Anna888 - I hope that you are going to insist that your children's teachers do NOT reward them with stickers and team points e.g. for full marks in spelling tests.

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 10:59

I read an article last week(Times or Independent I think) which advised that parents SHOULD take children shopping as it develops social skills and family relationships.

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 10:57

twobabies - I'm bringing up children who do things because they are motivated to grow up for themselves, not by stick/carrot...

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 10:56

Xenia - I generally agree with your post below, but not on the not taking children shopping with you.

My stepsons were/are never taken shopping, and as a result they have not developed any of the myriad skills that shopping develops - how to behave in shops, how to make choices, how much basic food and household necessities cost, how to compose a recipe/menu, how to ask for things in shops, how to pay, count change, how marketing hoodwinks the unaware... I could go on. My sister's children, who are slightly younger than my stepsons, have always been taken shopping, and are brilliant at it and at all the social/educational skills it develops.

And my stepsons are wildly more "consumerist" than my nephews.

I always take my daughter shopping, she adores it and is very good at pushing the basket, choosing things, she knows where everything is, how to take the lift, how to pack bags. It's a really useful, educational and free activity.

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 10:55

Anna8888 sorry if my typings bad im still trying to stop wetting myself from laughing so much

"growing up and learning to take look after and take control of one's own life" she just learned to poo in a potty, exactly what kind of 2yr olds are you raising????

and then you go on to say you used Smarties so you could stay in bed longer?? when I used chocolate because my daughter was fab and used a potty all week at a very young age.....

seriously, sod off

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 10:49

There are worse things you can do obviously.....

But (1) don't give sweets at all if they are under 2
(2) Certainly don't give unhealthy food as a treat
(3) Don't reward potty training bed wetting performance because often chidlren wet etc not as misbehaviour but because they can't help it.
(4) Try not to take chidlren shopping as it's boring for them and you and gets them into too consumerist a mind set.
(5) Encourage shop assistants and others to make children say please and thank you because we want more not less of other adults curbing our children's worst instincts

kimi · 13/05/2007 10:27

I will shut them in the cupboard under the stairs at once will some haribo, mars bars and a 6 pack of fruit shoots. Iif they won't eat them wll swear at them and beat them with a wooden spoon till they do.
Thank you for pointing out the great dis service I have done them......

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 13/05/2007 10:15

kimi - don't you love them enough to overfeed them. are you starving your poor mites - give them more chocolate now.

Flamesparrow · 13/05/2007 10:15

pmsl @ issues with only giving books as a treat I knew someone would do that one

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 10:15

I wonder if Waitrose has a confectionery section?