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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 13/05/2007 20:48

Daisybump - thanks! I feel a bit of a fraud using it now - I've lost eight pounds in the last week because I've decided to shift all this excess weight and be thin again. So I haven't had any chocolate for ages.

daisybump · 13/05/2007 20:33

Love your nickname...WMMC....obviously someone did cos its not good for you

whomovedmychocolate · 13/05/2007 20:24

I think it's wrong to identify particular foods as an issue myself, it's a pattern of overeating and not exercising. No-one, regardless of their background, ever got fat from eating just one bar of chocolate did they?

kimi · 13/05/2007 20:10

*any

kimi · 13/05/2007 20:10

The people who eat too much and do not do and exercise are the fattest...... from All "classes"

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 20:03

Xenia I really don't know if the "working classes" are more obese than anyone else, but I can tell you this. Since DP was signed off work and we no longer have a regular wage coming in I find it hard to buy the type of food I would love to for the family ie organic, fresh (which is what we always used to buy).

I am sure some of the other ladies here might get these too but we are sent healthy start vouchers every month for about 2.80 each which we can use to buy milk, veg or fruit. If we didn't get these I don't think we would be able to buy anywhere near the amount of fresh food I would like to. There are occasions during the week when I would prefer to be having veg with my dinner but we end up substituting with beans or something similar.

I may just be rambling here but I think what i'm trying to say is that from our situation we can't always buy the food that you think we should be eating and instead have to do with a cheaper less healthy alternative. Maybe obesity is on the rise among the less well off because we can't afford the good healthy food others might take for granted.

But i'm just talking for myself here.

OP posts:
FioFio · 13/05/2007 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotanOtter · 13/05/2007 19:57

personally i cannot understand why she ostracises herself.....

Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 19:43

Yes, much more sugar in bread these days than there used to be. We will get to the position where only if you buy completely out of the ground foods you can avoid what they add in although I also read even fruit has a higher sugar content to suit our sweeter tastes today so they grow the more sugary versions.

I think people got upset because I mentioned some well known facts that the working classes tend to be more over weight and use sugar as a reward. I meet plenty of men in the City who can hardly squeeze their great fat bottoms into the leather chairs so it's certainly not just a working class issue but more of one, that's all.

suejonez · 13/05/2007 19:17

and IMHO the rise of obesity is more to do with (subsidised) cheap sugar and palm oil from the US than chocolate per se.

morningpaper · 13/05/2007 19:15

Hmm I think Mumsnet is becoming a bit zeniaphobic

MrMariella · 13/05/2007 19:09

daisybump - I do see your point about that, but X. was moving from the specific to the general, attempting to point to the wider issue of peoples attitudes to food, and how we (wrongly) enhance the value of sweets. Getting behind everyone else to condemn the rather unpleasant and intrusive assistant is a bit of a waste.

As I said earlier, X. is correct on alot of things, to me, but gets increasingly unsafe the more she draws assumptions.

TnOgu · 13/05/2007 18:58

[hope it's in a proper china cup and poured from a freshly warmed teapot ]

daisybump · 13/05/2007 18:58

MrMariella....The OP was about a wee girl being upset by a shop assistant and most people were responding to the question until Xenia questioned the woman's parenting for allowing her DD a small treat. Its since gone off on a complete tangent with some very scathing remarks made by Xenia about "lower classes" which lots of people, myself included, have found offensive and have felt the need to respond to. Looks like a hi-jack to me!

Warthog....I might be taking it the wrong way, and apologies to Xenia if I am, but telling someone they are making a fundamental parenting error by giving sweets as a reward for potty training doesn't really say "impersonal" to me

MrMariella · 13/05/2007 18:49

warthog - same view as me.

TnOgu...I didn't see it as you jumping on me...saw it as a misunderstanding, late, when drink had been taken (love that Scottish phrase!). You will be pleased to know I have gotten to the shops and having a cuppa as we speak!!

I do seem to have been generally 'jumped on'/misunderstood alot in last week or so.....

warthog · 13/05/2007 18:39

actually, i think it's great that we have xenia around. she expresses her opinion, explains why she says what she says and does so in an impersonal manner.

i think it's a real shame that her posts are taken so personally.

TnOgu · 13/05/2007 18:36

[MRM - I feel bad for jumping at you yesterday.Lots of apologies, you are a good sort!]

MrMariella · 13/05/2007 18:30

I don't think Xenia has hijacked this thread at all. She expresses opinion that people then disagree with in large numbers. Doesn't qualify as a Xenia-hijack at all.

And, she doesn't respond in a personal way at all, unlike many of the posters who do so towards her.

ludaloo · 13/05/2007 17:53

LOL "Xenia's World....Party Time"!!!!

ludaloo · 13/05/2007 17:48

It would hack me off too twobabies
Our local mini supermarket has one particular assistant in it who winds me up a treat every time! I have 3 small children and all I want to do is get in and out quickly. Every bloomin time this lady sees fit to advise me or the kids on what they have chosen, makes them say thank you (which if they weren't humiliated into doing they probably would say it anyway)
And FWIW your dd is not alone in winging when they have to hand their treat over to be scanned, my 21 month old finds it very hard to understand too.

I also feel there is no harm in a treat now and then either. Well done to your dd for her potty progress

daisybump · 13/05/2007 17:32

This still going then????

Twobabies, from what you said in your OP (if anyone actually remebers what the OP was actually about)....not unreasonable...she sounds like a scary witch and I'd've complained about her to the management....

Xenia...you seem to have hi-jacked this thread as a soap box for airing your views on class distinctions....so FWIW, I was brought up in a council house by working class parents surrounded by other working class families, none of whom were obese as chldren, or now as adults....but then again it was the 70s and we were outdoor active kids (no X-boxes or Wis or 24 hour telly for us)....and we didn't get fed junk food and chocolate cos:

  1. we couldn't afford treats, being dirt poor and all
  2. Ready meals/McDonalds etc didn't exist in this country at that time to the extent that they do today.

I think the country's obesity problem is more to do with the rise of cheap mass over processed foods and sugary cereals than any other single factor and I'm guessing that obesity rates/heart disease have risen over all demograhic groups rather than just in the less well off.

Giving a child the occasional treat/incentive is not a bad thing to do
even over issues such as potty training, IMO. One does what works best for ones own kids and if the OPs DD responds to such treats then who are you or anyone else to criticise?

foxybrown · 13/05/2007 17:24

mmm, kfc mega bucket. given i am pg is it more acceptable or less acceptable?

What thread am I on?

Gingermonkey · 13/05/2007 17:06

I went to JJB sports today to get some weights (for my bingo wings) and there was a queue for KFC drive thru - it was blocking the road!!!! PMSL. Lazy gits, why not just park up and go in????

kimi · 13/05/2007 17:05

hellllooooooo gingermonkey.

kimi · 13/05/2007 17:05

I will let them out and give them a KFC bucket
Xenia, we could have a mumsnet whipround so you could get "the chop" (thank you for the house advice btw, its been sorted out now)